[Closed] Charly's life

Thank you W and Ands for your messages.

"In my view - Serenity is the ability to see good in everything that happens in life, even the so called "bad" bits. I need to feel bad things to be able to appreciate the good things in life more. "

Boy this is a tough one, hence I copied my own words from my last post.

Had my results today and - the cancer is back.

As I have no pain in the nether regions at the moment, they have decided to wait a bit longer until I have my next lot of chemo.(decision to be made at the next appointment on the 21st May)

I am grateful though.

A) they are finding these things as they develop, which means they can do something about it early enough and

B) I am normal...lol...

my angel says, and he looked this up on the computer, that 3/4 of women who have ovarian cancer, have to have a second lot of chemo, sometimes a third lot before it gets caught completely.

I am grateful because I am normal....at last :):):)

Let fight number two begin.... 🙂

I am grateful for a place like this site, where I can come and put my thoughts and feelings down and nobody judges me, but everybody helps and prays for me and my family.

How amazing is that?!?!?

None of us have met and the likelyhood of meeting is very rare. But..we have all become cyber friends and care deeply for one another.

Again.. I find this amazing..some of my cyber friends care more for me than people I know in the flesh.

I thank my Higher Power for guiding me to this site and all it's amazing people.

I will beat this again because I can. It is my choice. And I choose to live; live without cancer and without gambling.

I choose to live with my cyber friends and my Higher Power.

God Bless

Charly/Sabine xx

Hi Charly,

You will beat this cancer into submission...there is no other option.

You are so right about this site Charly. I know they are only words on a page but it's totally amazing how much love and support we receive.

You are always in my prayers Charly...Cancer is a right b*****d isn't but it can be beaten and it will be.

Much love, hugs, kisses from your friend Jas xx

"When you are going through hell...just keep going" Winston Churchill.

Hi Charly.

Its my wifes birthday today not that its of any importance to you..but i just remember the date today from a previous post you wrote.

Hope all went well.

Like Jasmine said you will beat this no matter what!

Really hope alls well.

Stay Strong.

You can beat this!

Viggo!

(((Sabine)))

"You will beat this cancer into submission...there is no other option"

"You will beat this cancer into submission...there is no other option"

"You will beat this cancer into submission...there is no other option"

I have used Jasmine's words... because they are also my view... YOU WILL BEAT THIS CANCER INTO SUBMISSION.

Jackie xxx

Hi Charly,

Dont really know what to say so Im just giving you a cyber hug *Hug*!

You have been in my thoughts, and will stay there. Keep fighting my friend.

f x

Thank you Freda for your cyber hug. 🙂

Hi Dairy

Not sure how to take my angel at the moment. He is very luvvy duvvy, always wants a kiss and hug, almost every time we walk past each other. Me thinks that is his way of dealing with my latest health news. Bless him.

It's driving me mad, but I suppose I will have to let him come to terms with this in his own way and in his own time. Oh, but I do love him so. 🙂

My son, I think, is dealing with this by just staying away. I have seen him twice in the past week. I cook his dinner, put it in the microwave, make his sandwiches for work and put them in the coolbox. He eats both and still sleeps in his bed,so I know he's around

and still alive(lol), got a hug from him this morning and a " I love you Mom" 🙂

My daughter and her man are living their lives. They've been away over the weekend, camping with their scout group, somewhere in the sticks, no phone line. Bless her, she managed to walk somewhere with a bit of reception to call in and see how I was. Again, they are dealing with this in their way and I love them all very much.

As for me, not sure if I am putting on a brave face or if I really believe I will be ok. I just let my Higher Power take care of things.

Being confused at times, I think would be the correct term to describe me at the moment. I go along nicely and then..boom, thoughts come into my head like; oh I think I am going to have this song or that song at my funeral, and oh..I must finish sorting out my will, get angel on my account as a signatory to avoid hassle, I must write a letter to my famiy for when I'm not here any more.

Scary scary stuff, but I am a realist and very practical. I will sort all these things out anyhow. It will give me piece of mind and the chance to concentrate on beating this stupid, stupid cancer into submission.

Funny really, when the doctor said, " Ms D., the cancer is misbehaving, all I could think was....Well, smack it's axse and send it to it's room. Lol!( I told you I have a vivid imagination)

Me thinks that it is just what I am going to do. 🙂

I hope all my gamcarian friends are doing their recovery one way or another.

Sending cyberhugs to all of you.

God Bless

Charly/Sabine xx

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Self-control is one of the greatest skills I've learned.

--Jim Burns

Most of us assume we have mastered self-control by now. And perhaps we have. A good test is to monitor how we respond to a nagging spouse or a disrespectful postman or vile-mouthed teenager. Do instances such as these make us angry or resentful? If so, we aren't exerting adequate self-control. Letting another's behavior, no matter how petty, disturb our inner peace means we aren't in control of ourselves. But we can be. There is still time to learn how, and most of us have all the time we need.

Why is self-control so valuable? Getting agitated feels good sometimes. We may think it's superior to boredom. But in truth, losing control of our emotions means we are always in the control of someone else. That too often means we are on a rollercoaster of ups and downs that exhaust us. Illness can even result. Another benefit of self-control is that we can lessen the turmoil around us, rather than add to it. The impact of any action or thought or quiet response is never ending. It's quite analogous to the pebble skipped across the pond. We are making subtle contributions to the world around us whether we are conscious of it or not. Let's be more careful of our input.

I will consider my input in all situations carefully today. What someone else does need not determine my actions.

You are reading from the book:

Keepers of the Wisdom by Karen Casey

Hello Diary.

What a wonderful day I had yesterday. It was my Birthday and I decided to have some "Me" time. I got up early, saw my angel off to work, left my lad sleeping as it was his day off,and set of to Dorset to visit the Monkey Sanctuary Monkey World, where I have adopted 2 Orang Utans. Monkey World is part of the European breeding programme for Gibbons, Orang Utans and Wolley Monkeys and they are responsible that primates are no longer used as photographers props in Spain and in other countries. They have rescued over 200 primates and have given them a home in Dorset where they have as natural a life as possible. They rely completely on donations and support from people who care about these species.

I used my Birthday money and went shopping first . I bought a load of fruit and veg and toys and Evening Primrose tablets and also collected a load of blankets, sheets pillow cases,duvert covers and empty milk cartons over the past few weeks. With my treasures I arrived and was greated like a celebraty. I had a VIP tour round the park, met Jeremy and Mike whom some of you may have seen on TV. They made my time there very special and I can't thank them enough. Soon my paving stone(Xmas present from my daughter and her partner) will be set too and then my name will be there forever 🙂

On my arrival home I was showered with presents from my family and friends.

I feel very spoiled but oh so very grateful to all of those wonderful people who have made my birthday so special.

My boys and my girl have bought me a NIntendo DS XL with a Brain Training programme, lol. That's what you get when you keep forgetting things, hahaha..love 'em.

And then..that naughty man of mine, bought me a sun lounger I can actually get in and out of without being in pain, a camping chair that serves the same purpose, tickets to see the show Chitty Chitty Bang Bang...and then... oh boy am I excited.... he has reserved a room for 2 nights in a castle in Scotland, somewhere outside of Glasgow. We will be flying up there when we can decide on dates when we can do this. I have 12 months to set the dates....

how overwhelmingly wonderful is that?????

Absolutely awesome!!!

I love my family for spoiling me and am still a bit in awe of it all.

Have a great day in recovery

Love and Hugs

God Bless

Charly/Sabine xx

P.S: When I told my man off for spoiling me like this he simply said...it's a pleasure now we have the money.... xx

Hi Charly

Happy Birthday for yesterday, dont realy know what to say after reading your last few posts, got me sobbing to be honest.

Anyway take care, lots of love to you, ands and boys..xx

hello charley

i am new to this site tryng to fight the fight of survival of this gambling disease. i have just spent the last 3 1/2 hrs reading your diary from the start, i have read 3/4 all of the beginning and some of the end. first and formost sorry about your cancer, but i always said try not to infere with god's plan, we don't know what he has in store for us.( i am truly sorry ).

every thing that you wrote about your gambling addiction echos my life at this present time. i have done terrible things to my husband and kids, whom i love dearly. my mother have no idea what is going on, and like you use to do, i bottle things up inside and hide my true feeling from others, and say and do things i think they want to see or hear.

it is very exhausting and depressing to bear all the burden alone, but i am so ashamed of my behaviour for the pass three years, i just burst out crying some times.

i owe money all over bills, overdraft the works....

but i have decided that no more, i am taking control of my life. i have contacted OPTIONS and i am waiting to start my counselling.

i just had to write and let you know that your story has made me stronger, to pursue this new goal, your previous life mirrored mine life now, and i hope to god i can draw strength from your diary as i go along in my recovery.

i know it won't be easy but that is not an issue with god and my family by my side and this forum,i will make it.

when i think of all the mistakes i have made, i know the hardest part is to forgive myself.... i think that in itself will be more difficult than this journey to recovery.

i am feeling very low on self esteem at the moment, no one to really talk as my other half and i are avoiding each other, all the anger and frustration about things that i have done some times rear it ugly head to make things difficult, but i know we will ok, because he loves me.

he needs to heal as well so i have to give him time and space to recover.

thank god my kids don't realise what is going on or they too would need therapy.

any sorry to ramble on on your diary page i just really feel the need to let you know that you have touch my heart, and wished that i had know about this site a few years ago, maybe we could have travelled the same road in recovery, because you are a great inspiration.

thank you for putting your thoughts on paper

grateful denise

P.S Happy Bithday (belated?)

again sorry for ramblings

Happy Birthday Charly! Sounds like you had a really good time and lots of gifts too 🙂 You deserve them.

I could feel the positivity coming off the page in your last post...lovely.

Much Love..Jas xx

Hi Hun,

sorry I missed wishing you a happy birthday, so belated wishes now.

It sounds like you angel and the family did you proud which is no more than you deserve.

I am sorry you have to fight this fight yet again but I know you will come through this just as you say, the Higher Power is there for you and will guide you along this journer, the ups and any downs.

Sending you love and hugs

W xxx

Thank you my friends for all your well wishes.

If I can help one person on hee with my rants, then all the hard work is worth it.

Have had the go ahead for my 2nd lot of chemo. It'll start next week Wednesday. The cancer nurse is visiting me this Thursday to discuss how to avoid and prevent certain side effects of this different treatment. Full steam ahead.:) Keep smiling, things will work out fine.

Have just come back from Sheffield. 2 days of blah blah blah....no..actually , it was interesting to here so many different opinions. I took a lot of food for thought home.

I went to the G.A. AGM and then sat on the National committee for G.A. as the South Coast&West Region trustee.

I love being able to give something back to the fellowship I owe my life to. Sounds funny, seeing I am battling to keep it again at the moment. Ce la vie, as they say.

Angel and I combined the trip up North with catching up with the 2 people whom he has known for 36 year and I have known for 31 years and who are responsible for angel and I meeting in the first place. If it wasn't for them, only God knows where and when we would have otherwise met. I am very very grateful to both of them. They are the most wonderful, helpful and at peace with the world people one could wish to meet.

We spent most day yesterday at the Reservoir near Matlock and watched a load of different birds and the world go by. Beautiful!

HAve a good day in recovery

God Bless

Charly/Sabine

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

There is guidance for each of us, and by lowly listening, we shall hear the right word.

--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Perhaps it was only yesterday or the day before that we doubted our value to society, or to our family or friends. We often lose our direction. That's normal and consistent with the human condition. However, the length of time we spend floundering, uncertain of ourselves, is proportionate to the time it takes us to acknowledge the guide within. We need not be lost or full of doubt for long.

Going within ourselves may not be a spontaneous reaction for many of us, but we can learn to respond in this way. And when we're open to the inner urging and willing to follow it, we'll discover the benefits. All that's asked of us is the decision to listen.

I can quiet my thoughts today, long enough to sense the necessary direction to take. I can be certain the guidance is right.

You are reading from the book:

The Promise of a New Day by Karen Casey and Martha Vanceburg

Hi Charly,

Glad to read that you are feeling positive, and managing to get out and have some fun and good times. I admire how you can 'get on with it'.

Hope things go well tomorrow with the nurse. Its an unpleasant task ahead, the chemo, but when you look beyond it it will all be worth it.

Take care,

f x

hello charly

i hope you are ok. keep the faith, you will be better in no time ok