[Closed] Charly's life

Hi Diary

I have learnt a big lesson this week. I felt a bit lost at the beginning of the week, not knowing if I have beaten this cancer or not, now that I have finished the 6 treatments.

I had my scan on Friday and I still have to wait until the 29th to get the results. But...after what happened to me Friday. I am not worry anymore.

There was a lady there who I have seen almost every time I went for treatment. She was always very noisy and talked non stop. Well, Friday morning while I was waiting for my scan, she came for hers too. It was impossible not to listen to her conversation and I was silently groaning and thinking, I hope she buxxers off soon, noisy so-and-so...

Only then she said...I shouldn't really be here now. Two and a bit years ago I was told I had at best 2 years to live. I am on a trial medication and I am the only survivor out of 30....

Boy, that gave me a huge bolt of guilt for thinking what I was thinking about this lady.

It has taught me, not ever again, to look at someone and think bad of them, because I have no idea what that person has gone through and what their background is. I know we all carry baggage around and sometimes when I read things I used to think , ok, that is not so bad and something else I deemed really bad... when actually...if it is bad for that individual, then it is bad.... if it is good for a person then so be it.. Who am I to put these feelings and actions or reactions in to neat boxes....

All can do is feel for them no matter what and show empathy for the individual.

I finally understand what it means not to judge someone.

I pray that I can live my live and try my best not judge one bit in the future...

no promises..but I will try my best...

God Bless

Sabine xx

Hi Sabine!

Wishing you all the best for the 29th.

Your strong in every meaning of the word.Stay strong and keep your faith!

Viggo.

just to echo what viggo says...how you still find the time to post when youve got other major things on your mind i will never know...will be thinking and saying a wee prayer for you on the 29th my friend...best wishes ...w.P

Thanks wp...

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Watching a child acquire language, I realize, again, that naming things demystifies them.

--Mary Casey

Sharing with another our fears of starting a new job, ending a relationship, getting into therapy, or even joining a social club will help us keep the fear in perspective. Fears that go undiscussed have a way of growing and overtaking our lives. In time we find that because of our shame about being afraid, we have isolated ourselves from the very people who can help us.

All of us are afraid some of the time. Our fears, however, can be managed if we use the tools found in the fellowship. Sponsors, friends, and meetings are the channels for our release from fear. Naming the fear loosens its hold on us. And equally important, we discover that others understand our fear, for they have experienced something very similar. We are not unique. That knowledge makes it easier to reveal another fear, another time.

Perhaps the best gift I can give someone is talking about something I fear. Naming the fear will help me. Sharing it will help us both because of the bond we will feel.

You are reading from the book:

A Woman's Spirit by Karen Casey

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

We are better than we know. If we can be made to see it, perhaps for the rest of our lives, we will be unwilling to settle for less.

-- Anonymous

We are wonderful, capable human beings worthy of love and happiness. We all have a gift to give the world that can't be duplicated. No one else is exactly like us.

The problem is, we don't believe it. We are used to thinking about all our negative qualities and become expert at putting ourselves down. We have a hard time believing and accepting our own goodness and gifts.

When we have a negative attitude, only one person can change it - us. We have the power to choose to change our thinking - if we want to. It takes a courageous person to risk getting positive and hopeful. Getting sober is evidence enough that we have that courage.

Today let me believe I am better than I know.

You are reading from the book:

Our Best Days by Nancy Hull-Mast

Hi Diary.

Today my heart is a bit heavy and sad but at the same time somehow at peace.

10 years ago today, my beloved brother Charly decided he couldn't live in this world any longer and took his own life at the age of 39.

I cannot believe that 10 years have gone by. I miss him every day but I know he is happy wherever he now is.

I am looking at the sunshine and it makes me smile. Charly loved sunshine. He would ride his motorbike and be happy.

I love you my brother. Always. xxx

Today's thought from Hazelden is:

Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back into the same box.

--Italian proverb

Much of our time has been spent saying, "I'm not good enough for that job," "She's too good for me," or "I don't deserve that compliment." Sometimes we have been very status conscious because underneath we felt unworthy. Many of us have taken either superior or inferior roles with everyone we've dealt with. We ended up with no one who could be our peer or our friend.

True humility occurs when we stop shaming or inflating ourselves and begin accepting ourselves as no worse and no better than anyone else. Then all people are our peers. At our meetings, our powerlessness puts us all in the same box. In the sight of God we are all equal - and status games, which have seemed so important are ultimately silly.

Today, I will remember we are all brothers and sisters in the sight of God.

You are reading from the book:

Touchstones by Anonymous

Dear Diary

(and whever reads this)

These daily gifts I receive are helping me in my recovery.

There are so many areas in my personality I need to change and these thoughts, from my very good friend, are helping me. They give me food for thought and make me work at myself.

I put them here to enable others to see how I achieve my recovery and for me for future reference.

I hope they help you too....

God Bless

Sabine xx

Hi Sabine, thanks for posting on my diary, it means so much to me getting all this support. I have read a bit of yours and i'm sorry to hear you've been battling with your health too. You sound like a very strong character and i wish you well with your results on the 29th.

Tilly xx

Hi Sabine.

Just popping in to say -

Really hope all went well for you today.

Viggo.

Hi Sabine,

Thinking of you x x x

Hi Sabine,

I wanted to thank you for being here and offering so much wisdom and support to me and others whilst going through so much yourself. Your life experiences certainly put into perspective whats really and trully important. All the best to your on-going recovery.. your an absolute star! .. S.A 🙂

big day for you yesterday lassie....hope it went well and as others have stated we re all thinking about you.

Hi my girl,

been thinking of you hoping you got some good news yeaterday.

Big hugs

((((((((((((((((((Sabine)))))))))))))))))))))

take care

W xxx

Sabine ((Charly))

Haven't visited your diary for quite some time. (Feel ashamed)

In spite of all that you have to deal with you continue to contribute so much.

You are an awesome person for me.

Love, respect, and hope you are soon back posting as strong as ever.

David xxx

Hi Sabine,

Wishing you all the very best in these difficult times.

Getting There