Closure - 13th Feb 2014

Day 103 & 104

Need to keep strong this month as I know that money will be incredibly tight.

Day 105

The fight continues. Gambling(?) - no chance, but I continue to deal with the aftermath day-in, day-out. 60hrs a week is what I have to work to sort this beast of a problem out. I can't revert to my 37hrs week - I simply couldn't afford it. If I take to foot of the pedal or lose momentum, I'm done for. The battle continues.

Day 106, 107

Difficult month. Spent the day repairing stuff, electrics, dishwasher, toilet, car. Everything seems to have stopped working ! Also, the pressure's on at work with some important deadlines coming up. Also, bills are sky high this month, TV Licence, £300 Gas bill, balance on some furniture to be paid - also, another CC application rejected, just checked my credit score, and it's gone from good to poor in the space of a month, also, interest rate on 2 credit cards about £10K is about to hit 25% (!). I'm struggling this month - I need to make it to the safe haven of the next payday in a few weeks time.

and you know you need to stay strong and not gamble.

you're doing great - keep at it!

Keep your head down and see the rest of this month out. Payday will be sweet.

I would not recommend applying for any more credit cards or other forms of credit for at least three months. Multiple credit applications within a short period of time have a negative impact on one's credit rating. My credit score is classified as Poor and my last applications for credit were in November - my low rating is directly attributed to too many applications for credit cards within a short space of time. Good luck for getting through the rest of January. It is a difficult month but gambling would make it much, much worse.

Day 108

Hi Pellekanin,

Thanks for that - yes, it's the only reason I can think off. My aim is to get down to less than £100 interest per month in the next 6 months. I'm closing down a few unused cards, and then I'll try again when my credit rating has improved.

Once I'm past January, I hopefully will have about 9months clear sailing to make a serious hole in the debt (before the expense of next Xmas).

Gambling thoughts are simply not there.

Day 109

Credit rating is up the spout for a few months, but I've a few Credit Cards with 0 balances no longer in use. I'm going to find out whether I can get some low interest BT's onto these cards. Aim for the next 6 months, to get to less than £100 interest paid / month.

Gambling ? No chance.

Day 110,111,112

Now into a long period of recovery, without too much distraction. Not really feeling anything other than some mild amounts of self-loathing. Emotional swings become less and less, just trying to keep my head down. Nothing exciting, continue to worry about money and how my OH would react if she found out - not really something I want to think about too much.

Pleased that I'm well away from any Gambling thoughts, even when I feel low, the urges are just not there. Of course I think about it from time to time, but nothing which manifests into any sorts of urges.

Still find my mind wandering onto the debt, even when I don't want too, my thoughts end back there. But, as I frequently say, I press on heartened and encouraged by the fact that, with some hard work, this episode can be laid too rest in a year or two's time. 5 years of my life may be gone, but I'll come out the other end, wiser and more appreciative of what I have - every day will seem like paradise.

Day 113,114

Well the expensive month continues. A drink-driver picked my car to smash into last night, causing 1 side of the car a huge amount of damage. An excess bill of £250 to add the bills this month.

But worse still, we have an old, but reliable car - it isn't worth much, so this looks likely to be a write-off job. If that's the case, my OH will be expecting me to purchase a new car. I have a bad credit record, so there's no chance that I'd get finance for this.

This might be the tipping point - I don't know how I'm going to get through this - I can't go back to my parents and ask for more cash and serious questions will be asked if I'm refused credit. And as I've said before, any means to repay this I'm certain will be cut (as it relies on lap-top access) if my OH finds out - she's not the most understanding of people. No gambling thoughts though, which I believe is some comfort.

What an idiot and you must be furious. As it's winter, cars should be quite cheap to buy at this time of the year so shop around and you may be able to find a nice one.

Just remember that these things happen (although this particular one is just very unfortunate) and more importantly...

...114 days! Brilliant.

GT

I'm absolutely gutted by the setback. I know that whatever happens, I will come out of this significantly worse off. For the first 6 months of this recovery, financially I did brilliantly, but since September, it's stalled, and I've gone backwards. This latest setback will financially leave me right back at square 1, possibly even worse off than I was last may. I can't apply for credit as I have a poor credit rating, I could tap into my available high-interest credit cards, about 20k's worth and to be honest, I think that this is my only

option right now. But either way, we need a car.

So so sorry to hear of your car woes! That's the exact type of problem that would send me on a binge! Are you sure you won't qualify for a car loan? A secured loan with collateral might be easier to get than the cc's are. If not, the cc, albiet with a high rate sounds like the way to go.

Back to square one on the debt sucks but hey at least this isn't due to gambling and think how much worse it would be if you hadn't stopped! I'm guessing

those cards would not have enough funds avail to purchase a car.

I hope you get it sorted as you are such an inspiration to me. STAY STRONG! Sharon

Sharon, GT,

Thanks for your comments. I find that when I waffle a bit on this diary when I'm particularly stressed works wonders. Anyway, I've come to my senses. In the grand scheme of things it's not a disaster. I focus on the money all of time, and get a bee in my bonnet whenever there is a setback - it's something I always do, if it's not money, it's something else. Look at the big picture - I'm lucky, I have a family who love me, 2 happy kids, parents who live closeby and see their grandkids loads, I have a decent and for the minute, secure, job, as does my wife, we have our own home, with good friends and neighbours,

One thing, the debt (and it's huge - including the mortgage it's over 4 times our combined income), prevents a perfect life. If my OH ever found out, although she's threatened in the past, deep down, I don't think she'd leave me - but I don't want to risk it - I have too much too lose.

So the plan is, I'm going to buy a £1000 run-around to last initially for a few months. My OH is expecting a cash sum in May which would more than comfortably pay for a decent, newish car - which was always the plan anyway.

So that's the plan. I need to hold out for as much as I can write-off value for the car, but I think it's only worth about £500, take £500 from one of my credit cards, and get the car.

I have about £500 in comp wins waiting to be put on E b a y, so I'm going to do that during the next week, This latest episode only makes me more determined to lay this to rest.

By the way. gambling hasn't even entered my thoughts as a way out.

I am sorry to hear about the problems with your car. It is bad luck, but there are worse and more worrying things that could happen; for example, think about how poor Fool is feeling at the moment. On another note, I just re-read the start of your diary and have a question for you: you stated that you owe your parents £25k from your last bout of gambling several years ago. Do they not expect you to pay this off any time soon or have they granted you an extended period of grace despite being unaware of your need to pay off £30k of secret credit card debt? If it was my parents and I owed them money while holding down a reasonably well-paid job, they would expect me to pay them back as soon as possible in regular installments. You clearly have generous and wealthy parents who can live without £25k for an extended period of time during their retirement. Count yourself very lucky that your interest-free debt with them is not stuck on a high-interest bank loan or yet more credit cards. Your parents are potentially saving you hundreds of pounds a month and thousands of pounds a year in interest payments alone!