Closure - 13th Feb 2014

Day 12

Another day goes by without a single gambling thought.

Hi Michael.

Day 11 was a great great post about the shareholders coming a very distant 2nd to your family and loved ones.

Awesome attitude and straight to the point.I loved the way you put that.Well done as family is more important by far.

Well done for that and well done for carrying on quitting.

All the best Steven.

Day 13

Another day. Tired today, so not in the best of moods. Nevertheless, gambling thoughts are non-existent now. Money wise, I may be looking a finally paying off my high rate CC this month.

Day 18

Very busy at work this week, and a significant piece of work now drawing to a close, so stress levels should start to reduce. Gambling thoughts are nil, but I'm aware that I've been here before, so no complacency.

We can never be complacent again, can we? It's an unfortunate fact that us CGs will always have to be on our guard.

But let's not forget all our achievements since we first came on to these diaries ourselves, eh?

Enjoy your weekend, you deserve it after your hard work!

NT

Hey Michael....noticed you hadn't posted in a while and was getting a bit worried about you so let us know you're ok please.

Lots of Love

Shorty xxx

You ok Michael? Hope its going well

Day 28

Wow - 10 days since my last update ! Nothing much to report, project pretty much over at work, so I can relax for a bit. Keeping busy, but in a positive way, gambling thoughts a million miles away. Debts still a problem, and not shifting quickly, but they are reducing.

Anyway, a few favours have been asked recently by some family members, which have made me curious as to what other folk's perceptions are of us. I suspect that no-one has the slightest inkling of my current predicament, or the struggles I've had over the last few years. I really don't think my CG fight, or my continuing debt problems have registered with anyone close to me - it's really weird.

Anyway, this battle continues, but things are going OK at the moment.

Day 34

Days are flying by now, with absolutely no Gambling thoughts at all. I'm have a good balance at the moment, keeping busy, but not overworked. I want to get distance from my last gambling bout - Day 34 will become Day 100 in no time.

Day 38

Another 4 days further away from Gambling. I'm busying myself at the moment, filling my days, not having a gambling thought.

Day 39

Had a wobble last night, but I couldn't log on because I've self-excluded anyway, so nothing gambled, nothing lost. Weird how one minute you feel that you've cracked it, the next your attempting to undo all the good work. It's frustration more than anything, and again, my mindset is back on the debt, which is shifting, but very very painstakingly slowly. It's going in the right direction, but it's taking major effort. Certain things that I was positive about during the last few months have not happened - the promotion didn't happen, the cash sum we were expected was thousands less than anticipated and I'm tired, grumpy and utterly frustrated that, nearly 4 years on, I'm still paying the price for my mistakes.

I have enough payed work to keep me occupied 24*7 and some more - some income streams I haven't even touched on yet, it's not mega-bucks, but it's OK, and if I knuckle down, an extra £1000 off the debt per month. I just need this debt to get down to a more manageable level before taking my foot off the pedal, and relaxing a bit more.

Day 41

Being a parent is really tough at times, and today has been no exception. Really sick of 'modern' parents 'empowering' their kids to whatever the f**k they want. Not 1 single day goes by when my 2 kids are not in tears about so-and-so doing this-and-that, or immature bickering, parents getting involved, siding with such-and-such, and putting their kids on a pedestal. For f*cks sake, their < 10years old !!! Just told my son today to 'just get on with it' - end of.

Really dreadfully sick of apathy, laziness, and self-rightousness - I find it sadly pathetic. At the moment, I would just love to stick my 2 fingers up, pack-up and fly away.

But I know I'll not, I'll do what I always do, fester for a few days, realise things aren't too bad, wear a smile for a few weeks, let it build up, and explode again. It's a vicious circle which I feel I'm trapped in - I need to break out of this, and I think I know what I need to do which starts with me clearing my mind, and breathing easier. So less procrastination, more sleep = more productivity = less stress = less grumpiness = more time spent with kids = less time getting involved with the people I'm starting to loathe.

Day 49

Nearly at the first major milestone. Nothing much to report, except that a few incidents last week have made me realise that nothing in life lasts forever, and I should take any opportunity to enjoy myself, which is precisely what I'm trying to do. Social nights planned, football twice a week. I need some memories to look back on, not just year after year of hard slog trying to pay off debt. It's taken me over a year to realise this. Mind you, i'm still trying my damndest to pay this debt mountain off but nt at the expense of enjoying myself.

To,

Let me be the first to congratulate you on reaching 50 days.

Just read you last two posts together, second sort of answers the first I think.

I have followed your journey from the off and have some understanding of the immense task you set yourself to try to reduce a dept that high.

But you have done brilliantly to get it down as much as you have.

So pleased you have relished that you need some down time, need to be kind yourself.

Take care my friend

Shiny xxxxxxx

Day 50

1st major milestone. Been here before though, so rather muted pat on the back. Thinking about the money I've payed back, then subsequently lost again. To be honest, I've come a long way in 12 months, when this diary 1st started, but financially, I'm about 6 months behind where I was planning to be. I'm managing to keep my head above water, but it slow slow slow work. However, every the optimist, I've had a brainwave this evening on shaving some time off my work. Going to give this some serious consideration over the next few days.