Day 173
Closing in on the 6 month mark, but over 4 years since this battled started. It's been a nightmare and a hard hard slog. But there's a bright light at the end of this tunnel, something I feel I've earned. There's a long way to go, but with self-respect re-installed, feeling 100% confident that I'll completely achieve this.
Day 176
Presents all planned for Xmas, and I have the money to cover it. 3 days until (hopefully) a financial watershed in my life - with a financial noose that has hung around my neck for years, and partly to blame for my gambling sprees, will start to noticeably loosen. I'll start to breath more easily (I'm so pleased I didn't go down the IVA route), and sleep more easily, and generally relax more. I know money isn't everything, but in my case, the position I have got myself in, I really haven't been able to switch off from this situation at all. I've stretched myself way way too far, with eye-watering levels of debt. But FINALLY, a real chance to put this right.
Day 178
Significant day tommorrow. Need to keep focussed on the recovery.
I am pleased to hear about your reduced mortgage interest payments. It must be a great relief to have some financial breathing space. Will you carry on hammering online competitions and mystery shopping trips, or will you take a break from all that in order to spend more time with your family? Is your closure date of 13th February 2014 likely to come forward now your disposable income has increased? Good luck with keeping the gambling demons at bay.
Day 180
Easing back on the work now, but I have to be extremely careful not too fall back into my old ways. Spent some family time during the last few days, watched some TV with the OH (does anyone know anything good on TV). Went to the cinema today, watched some horrendously poor picture (I'll not mention the name, but people appear to be banging on about it at the moment), but managed to catch 40 winks all the same. Came back home, made tea, sat around for a while (kids and OH are watching TV), decided to have an early night - nothing else to do really. What do people do in their spare time these days, because I need something to occupy me fast before my mind starts to wander.
Day 181
Spent a day of rowing with my OH unfortunately. Just getting really wound up by apathy at the moment. I need to have a major readjustment on how I view others.
Day 182
Another early night last night. Woke up feeling bad-tempered again. OH not speaking to me, kids acting like spoilt brats, family and friends acting like self-righteous idiots. Life outside of 60hr weeks is not as I expected.
Day 187
Slightly embarrassed about my last outburst. Anyway, getting on with things - past the 6 month mark now without a gamble which is pleasing. Next target, 200 days, and next target after that is to beat my previous record of about 220 days.
Day 188
My OH won £10 on a scratch card today - she waved the card in front of me, yelling and shouting. It's only £10, and I know she was having a laugh, at it didn't bother me in the slightest. But I do really think that she thinks that my gambling urges were switched off the day I confessed that I'd blown £57K in a 4 month binge. That was 4 years ago, and I honestly think she has been blissfully unaware of what I've done and where I've came.
Day 190
10 days until the magical 200. Just looked at my finances, and in spite of the endless hours trying to pay off what I owe, in 18 months, I've hardly paid anything, but at least I'm not worse off. 2013 is shaping up to be much easier financially, so progress should be made. But no urges to report, and that's the main thing.
Hi Michael
Read some of your diary and just wanted to say great achievement getting to 190 days! For me it's only day 2 but one day at time we can get anywhere we want.
Day 192
Hi Jer - Thanks for your comments. Day 2 is a place I've been many times in the past, but once you get past the initial period of a week or two, your recovery should gather pace, and the weeks should fly by. Different people have different ways of tackling recovery - personally, and contrary to alot of advice, I've had very little 'down-time', but rather I've filled my days with tasks and jobs, whether it's overtime at work, or Mystery Shopping trips to DIY tasks around the house or days out with the kids. My feet literally haven't touched the ground, and the days are flying by. But as I say, that's my way of tackling the problem and defeating my demons.
Anyway, onto day 192, just over 1 week until that 200 day mark, and 2 weeks later, breaking new ground beating my previous 'record' of 212 days. As I've said from the start, I've kept this from my OH, and again, contrary to alot of advice, it's worked OK - although it has been tough at times, particular when the odd statement drops through the letterbox, which up to now, I have always been first to. As I've alluded to before, potentially massive chance to pay off every Credit card coming up - next week being pretty much the last of the paper statements arriving, and from there on, 1 credit card paid off - 4 low balances at 1/month, 4 higher balances taking 2 months each (12 months in total). However, my OH will find the last statement, as she's at home next week - can't believe that after 18months of keeping this from her, that she'll find out. Mind you, she might not open it, but I highly doubt it. As with so many other gamblers, I have this thing about my luck, and losing streaks I had were beyond belief, and almost impossible statistically speaking, but they happened. I often have these thoughts about life in general, and in this case the fact that for 18 months, I've kept things on an even keel, taking this on myself, including the debt and doing pretty good. Then all of a sudden, that chink of light opens out with a real path out of this financial mess I still find myself in, but the final, crucial week of reminders of the mess I'm in (CC statements) are arriving, I have no way of preventing my OH from reading them - the LAST f*****g WEEK. I don't know what to feel.
Hi Michael
I must say I'm one of those who think your busy, busy, busy approach to all this is a bit counter-productive but in reading your last post who are us doubters to argue ?
Regarding your credit card statement problem is it might now be a bit late to arrange this but it ought to be possible to arrange to collect your mail from the Sorting Office. You might have to make up something dramatic as to why it is such short notice but I can't see why they couldn't do that. As you probably know they do have a re-direction service but quite where they allow you to re-direct I'm not sure. Obviously there's charges involved. A small price to pay though.
Secondly, if you can't stop the mail arriving - or indeed if you can but you want an insurance policy - why not take a few days ' sick ' ? According to my wife us men are apparently quite good at being ill ( lol ).
I hope you can sort something out for this final hurdle.
Regards
Blackjack
Day 194
After the panic of a few days ago, I think all should be OK for next week. My mind has been whirring with ideas during the last few days about what I'm going to do with disposable income in my pocket again, and none of it has been gambling related.
Day 196
Almost at the 200 day mark. Gambling seems to be a distant nightmare now.
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