hi everyone, my names David, i am 43 years old, from Methil, Fife, Scotland. i have been a gambler since i was a teenager starting on penny machines going through most stages of gambling progression, basically gambling every spare penny i have ever had, and money i didnt have, i have borrowed from family, mostly my poor mother, yestarday as i posted in the new members section i stole over £400 of my wifes wages money that was for kids xmas, this will be repaid by week on thursday but thats not the point. im using what i done as motivation to stop all methods of gambling from my life and to finally start living my life again, thankfully i dont have huge debts just some outstanding bills etc which can be paid off relatively easily if i can manage to beat this disease.
anyway i have been reading other peoples diarys and the are insperational, you guys supporting each other makes me glad i decided to join here, a place where i can get the support i need, i find it hard to talk to people about my illness although most people i know already know im an addicted gambler.
reading through many posts on here, most people go through the same things as a gambler the main thing being even if we win we would go back and lose it all plus more to boot.
adverts on tv in newspapers etc fire gambling at you left right and center which to me is a blinking disgrace. they say using smoking to sponsor sports cant happen but allow betting sites to sponsor any sport, you see it in your face constantly.
anyway day one gambling free has been easy as im mad as hell at myself for hurting my wife, she is barely speaking to me atm, and i cannot blame her for that. whilst i was on here reading other peoples diarys, she was like what gambling thing are you joining now.
i can only hope i can win back some faith in me from her, it will be a slow proccess, but with any and all the help i can get from u guys and gals ill have the strength to get thru this and come out the other side.
best wishes to you all
david x
Hi David and welcome. This is one gambling related site you can be unashamed to visit.
Well done on day 1. I know what you mean about by not wanting to gamble when you're so mad at yourself but remember that feeling will wear off and the desire to chase will start to kick in. There's a phrase you see here over and over again 'you cannot win because you cannot stop' and for me it sums up gambling addiction perfectly. If you only ever remember one thing from here, let it be that.
I've just had a little chuckle to myself when you mentioned advertising (even though I'm aware it's nothing to laugh at) I walked through the living room earlier, the other half is watching a football match, during half time up pops a very well known British actor promoting a very well known site. I just thought to myself 'you absolute d******d, do you have any idea the misery that this causes people' but I suppose as long as he's collecting a nice big fat pay cheque at the end of it he couldn't give a s**t what it does to the likes of us. It's the first time I've seen that particular advert but you're right, they're everywhere.
Take things one day at a time and each hurdle as it comes. My advice, the only thing that has worked for me (still early days, but the longest I've ever been gambling free) is to use your diary and read others. Whenever the compulsion to gamble surfaces come back here. Write down your thoughts or just read someone else's. Force yourself to remember the negatives, remember how mad you feel today, remember how upset your wife is. There really is no up side to gambling for us as compulsive gamblers.
We never win because we never stop.
Stay strong my friend
Jess
thanks for the comments Jess, i hear what your saying about once the madness wears of the urge kicks in again, im hoping when it comes to that i can fight it off.
sitting here at my break at work rhis morning, im thinking to myself of all the hours ive worked for nothing just to pay bills (sometimes) and gamble (always), totally nuts when you think about it that way.
anyway its early days so far and coming on this site is defo making things easier for me, seeing the hurt gambling causes not just me and my family but all of the people on here have been throuh similar things.
onwards abd upwards. David..
End of day 2 gambling free is almost over, the wife is talking to me so im feeling better today, spent sometime today on here reading other diaries during my breaks at works, and it does help me feel a lot better knowing people can give this gambling compulsion a wide berth.
im just taking each day as it comes atm, wish i could fast forward a few months to see where ill be, hopefuly in a better place with my head and money in the bank and in my wallet with bills being paid, and taking my wife out tomeals etc and the kids out swimming, cinema etc and enjoying holidays etc further on down the line.
keeping this update short today as im tired from work.
take care everyone, david.
Good luck David. Im 3 week today. Take each day as it comes there's better things to spend your hard earned money on which will please both you and your family.
jason70 wrote: Good luck David. Im 3 week today. Take each day as it comes there's better things to spend your hard earned money on which will please both you and your family.
thank jason, yes your are correct on that buddy, keep up the good work m8
Day 3,
Had xmas lunch at work today, streak pie and roast potatoes with all the trimmings followed by a trifle :), so been a good day lol, coping well so far not had any urges to bet which i am thankfull for, as i said before reading other peoples diaries is helping me a lot, being able to look at gambling from other peoples perspective really hits home how much it effects us all and our families.
its really heartbreaking when i get to a page in someone diary and they have had a slipup, i truely wish we all cud beat this thing we always have hanging over us. its still early days for me, a long way still to go to get to where i want to be in life, but at least i feel like im moving in the right direction now.
payday for me tomorrow, straight to the back at 6am tomorrow before work take my money out and pay £200 back to my wife, £30 to others i owe,get gas and electric and put petrol in the car and that will b me till next thursday when i get my holiday pay.
hope you all have had a bet free day,
all the best David x
Well done David,you sound positive and determined.
Have you blocks in place to help beat those urges?
Past failings and experience has taught me to do whatever it takes to make it virtually impossible for me to gamble.
Have you considered having your wages paid directly into your wife's account,a big step I know,but it avoids the temptation.
Your on the right path mate,keep posting.
Day 4
thanks for the comments guys, i have closed all my online accounts trigger was bad for staying up late on a wed night/early hours of thurs morning betting as soon as my wages went in the bank betting like it was going out of fashion then wake up in the morning with little or no wages left in the bank. no such worries last night had a great sleep (6 hrs) lol then up early to the bank home to pay my wife £200 back that i promised her off my wages this week, then off to work straight to workmate paid him the £20 ive owed him for about a month (how could i lower myself as to ask ppl at work for money?).
when i get home tonight i will be paying guy upstairs the tenner i owe him then put £20 in petrol for next wedks work, which will leave me with a grand total of about £10 🙂 as £55 a week comes straight off my wages each week for child maintenace, made sure it was paid that way or it probably wudnt get paid knowing me, and ill have much more fun spending that tenner in the shop on juice sweets etc than i would have invthe bookies.
I am 43 and have never been abroad in my life so im setting myself a savings target gonna put a bit away each week, simething i have never been able to do! and try and set up a goal of a nice sunny holiday in spain with my family.
well dinner break almost over, hope everyone is doing well today,
take care, david .
Cracking attitude Dave and good on you!
that £10 will be £10 more than you ever used to have when gambling so enjoy every penny of it!
and that holiday will come around in no time as long as you stay strong!
Good skills David doing what you set out to do! So often we go to bed with good intentions that never get carried out in the morning. It is this strength that will get you to Spain 🙂
- ODAAT
cheers guys 🙂
day 6
being this is a saturday and was always a betting day for me with the footy and horses on, i had some mild urges today, but i stayed stong and didnt give in to them, sat and listened tomy team (aberdeen) win2-0 on the radio today, so im in a good mood :).
wife is night shift again tonight, so on me own so not so good lol, night shift starts for me the morra night till thursday nightshift then im off for xmas hols (2weeks) so happy days.
take care everyone, David.
Hi Dave,
Well done on 6 days and for not giving in to those urges, every time we don't give in we get stronger,
Enjoy your evening and stay safe
Suzanne xx
thank you very much suzanne x
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