This is just for my personal recovery but if it helps others too then even better.
Day 1
Having extremely strong urges but have gone a day without gambling. Knowing bills are coming out is painful because I know there’s a chance I could win enough to cover them.
Deep down I know the loss would hurt more than the relief the win could bring. It has taken so many losses to realise this. I am already in debt and cannot afford to lose a penny more. The triggers are very painful for me right now, even seeing a deck of cards sets off alarms in my head, and I even struggle to play card games with friends as this makes me want to get a ‘real’ game up on my phone.
The funny thing is, and I think a lot of people may relate, is that I am not a materialistic person. I spend so little on myself because I feel like i’m losing when I buy things like food, clothes and other essentials. However, I can easily bet my monthly wage in one go without hesitation. I think most gamblers crave financial security rather than a quick buck. But we all know the house always wins, and no matter how much you win, it will never be enough to feel ‘secure’.
I am moving house in 3 days and I am unemployed after leaving my job due to stress. This is very daunting and I believe is causing the urges to be even stronger. To a non gambler this might sound crazy, but right now when I gamble it’s like being on the best drug out there. Even when losing, the adrenaline I feel is so hard to escape from. Only afterwards when there’s nothing left to play with, does the sinking feeling hit home. I’ve had enough. I have an interview for a new job in 9 days. Hopefully it will be enough to distract me from the constant urges. I have blocks in place but I have access to websites that avoid the blocks. I must try my best to forget about these awful sites and do what’s right.
I never want to relapse again. I’m 22 and do not want to turn 23 with the same problems I had when I was turning 18. So here’s to Day 1.
Good luck to my future self
Hello carly123
Welcome to the Forum, it's good to see you here. Thank you for sharing your experience, strength and hope.
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Best
Amanda
Forum Admin
Hi Carly 123 and Welcome.
I will jump straight in by saying the "chance" is that the gambling den will "win" all of your wages. That is the "chance" and actually the reality on those odds. Thats the bit we totally ignore while seeking a fix with a head full of lucky clover
Its a complex addiction. It makes fools out of normally sensible people. We understand. Nobody here thinks you are being silly, stupid or greedy.
Its a mixed up soup of money thoughts and cravings but a drug addiction takes over in the gambling act. The feeling of expectation sets up dopamine, seratonin adrenaline and natural morphine in the body.
That is highly addictive to a brain seeking some hit...... mainly to escape life.
We know the feeling of paying bills on payday. It can seem there is not enough left but GAMBLING IS NOT THE ANSWER and never was.
Its a random event which never works long term. Most people sigh and buy a ticket they throw in a drawer. On those extremely long odds there is more change of meeting the queen, being struck by lightning and being signed up for the no 1 pop band on the walk there......all of them together....seriously!
People ignore the odds in vain hope and that is how the gambling dens make fortunes
all forms of gambling are addictive but the more rapid forms of play are the crystal meth of gambling because its so infernally easy to have another go.
Yes we all want the warm feeling of security but gambling is not set up as an income scheme or security blanket. It ruins people and it kills people to be blunt about it .
it may sound twee to you now but you have to focus on the money you do have left and the simpler pleasures in life. We all do. Life isnt fair but gambling is drug that preys on the bored, depressed anxious dreamers from all walks of life.
Yes its mainly a tax on the poor but one of your lessons is how it hooks footballers and millionaires... A COMPLEX ADDICTION
Recovery is a born again moment and reset to build a healthy mind.
Believe me the answers are within you...train for something....get out there and help people. The truth and facing yourself will set you free
Best wishes for a gamble free life
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