My advice from what you've written, one thing. Work on your sleep. Lack of sleep throws everyone and everything off.
Make time to rest, listen to meditation, relaxing music, stop watching screen all day and rest your eyes. Close them, read a book. If you can calm down and focus the mind you can feel more rested and everything will seem easier (not easy). Life might still suck for a bit but you won't be walking round like a zombie wishing time away.
Don't put everything on yourself all at once or you will overwhelm yourself and feel hopeless. You aren't. Its going to take time but there is an end to this if you make this the beginning.
One step, one day at a time.
All the best.
Day 8 negotiated.
Lots of events that I would've bet on today. No more than a passing interest today though. The weight of the losses though are still fresh in the memory so unclear how permanent this feeling is.
Have self excluded from every shop I have ever gambled in across multiple cities. Whilst I have first hand experience (easily been able to go back in shop excluded from) of how ineffective it is in practice, still at least a sign of my intent. Until it allows debit cards to be blocked it's not gonna protect the most vulnerable. Only Fobt players load up rapidly in debit.
Online sites nearly all excluded on. Thankfully my interest in horse racing meant I wasn't interested in many sites as they didn't cover this.
Have removed cash from my account so not sitting on available funds to raid.
The hardest part is accepting the reality though of having no equity. There are 2 events coming up I'm dreading, one being a family wedding the other my birthday the month after.
Not sure I'm gonna feel like celebrating for some time. Trying to appreciate a simpler life... completely humbled and embarrassed by this weakness.
Hate being poor, it's s###
Just been asked to contribute more towards bills by my family who aren't aware of recent gambling binge.
Not sure what to do here. I could tell them but to be honest they have struggled to accept this as a disease rather than something I am doing out of choice.
The one thing I learnt from last week that I have no control over my gambling. If I choose to gamble I will keep going till I lose everything. A win on the day will be followed up by another attempt to win more and more. Whilst a small bet after to 'ride out my hot streak' appears sensible, a gambler like myself will chase every small loss to the bitter end.
Looking back the number of times I could've walked away with a small loss but continued to try and break even are all too frequent.
Therein lies the difference between us and other normal gamblers who can accept they won't win every time. But I will add that you always saw the same faces in bookies so part of me thinks they are just further behind on the way to ruin...
As I commute on the train the number of people you see on betting sites is worrying.
I feel I have a big decision to make here. Struggle to pay this increased rent whilst also covering 2 loan payments until next year, come clean about losses and ask for a gap before higher rent contribution. Or contact a debt charity for help but have my credit ruined... my concern is about absorbing all payments is that I get depressed again about simply doing nothing but paying debt and end up losing my new job.
It feels like every option I have is as negative as it is positive at best!
Problems just seem to keep piling up 🙁
Hi again
This stage of your recovery is the hardest and probably most exhausting. The trouble with gambling is it eventually leaves you with a load of messy thoughts running around in your head and you are finding it hard just what to do next. But, you are doing really well in putting stuff into place to help yourself. With the job thing, try and ride out the next few weeks of this job and see the next one as your fresh start. It is a case of finding ways to cope with the chore of it all. Personally, I think it would be a good idea to open up to your family about your problem to increase your support network. It is up to you, you know best how they will react but maybe they will understand your struggle and try and help you recover. Not by bailing you out though. It can be kept in the family and when you go to parties, weddings etc all you have to say maybe is that you have had a few ups and downs lately but you are managing to sort everything out. You keep saying your gf is in denial. You need a gf who maybe is worried sick about you but is keeping her cool so you can both remain organised about sorting out the problems. I have said before, if your write down each problem you have to tackle and treat it as a project in hand. Tick off each problem as you get it sorted, and you have already done a lot as above. Take some quiet time this weekend and convince yourself that what is lost is lost and you cannot turn the clock back, the money has gone and that is it. It is thinking about those losses that is stopping you from moving on and leaving you feeling exhausted. The future is what matters now.
Try and tell your family so you may get a reprieve from the rent increase. There are supportive parents and family who write on here.
Tell them you have plans in place to sort everything out.
There is no harm in getting debt advice. Gamcare will advise you to where to go for that.
Plenty of people keep their jobs even if they are on debt management schemes.
Make today Day 1 of thinking/planning for a future with your gf. She is working hard to support you. There are ways of dealing with all of this - it is just a case of getting you in the right frame of mind to start building your self-esteem back up and get you feeling more positive about things.
You are right about the advertising around all the time. It's the same on the TV sports channels - they say "bet responsibly" but throw adverts out every 10 minutes!!
I wish you lots of luck and you are doing really well - even though you can't see it yourself!!
Take care
Hi.
I don't post on many threads anymore but I read a great deal.
Your thread struck a cord this morning, it was like tearing a page out of my own life story.
Denial is a huge part of the the makeup of addiction.
The pretence that you some how can juggle all those balls and the rest of the world will be oblivious to your behaviour and actions.
My guess would be your nearest and dearest will be aware that something is a miss.
I spent countless days in a room in person but my mind was somewhere else.
Fella open the door, because yes your immediate honesty will cause upheaval but you will be surprised how folk react.
Share your thread here with them, get the folk around you to read the family and friends section it will help them to understand better how to help you and themselves to boot.
There are many innocent victims of gambling addiction, I left a wake of them.
As for gambling it is something that has existed since man walked earth and will continue to do so.
For me there is a place for it, just for me and mine I can't wage a single penny because I know it won't end there.
Have you considered ga, it was a place where I met folk like minded in 3d, no judgement just folk sharing their feelings, stories and lives.
I will leave you with this.
Why did you stop gambling??
For me I ran out of the ability to, my funds and the ability to source them ran dry, after starting this journey six years ago I have relapsed twice the last punt I had led me to seek putting an end to my own life.
I am grateful that the circumstances meant that I was unable to, because today I believe that I have changed as a result.
By arresting the next punt rarely does that mean an end to the carnage gambling has caused, there is a great deal of emotional and financial damage to repair.
From experience honesty is the place to begin addressing both.
I wish you strength.
Duncs stepping forward never back.
Hi gamparentanom duncanmac
There's almost too much going on at the same time. Everything at work is a battle and my finances feel like a minefield I'm trying to negotiate blindfolded.
The debt management advice I will look into but from what I have already come across, all options will impact your credit rating, avoiding this is not possible. Thankfully I don't have any payday loans nor ever considered them! Legalised loan sharks at those rates.
Whilst I have mentioned to my brother about the recent relapse. He had no reaction. I do feel let down by my family. My brother has had my bank savings for a number of years but failed to manage my money properly. It's not his fault but he's terrible with money. Barely noticed or kept track of what should have been in my account. I was better off when I was managing my own money!
My parents advised me to stay in a job making me miserable. Never once or since told me to walk away. Many problems will come to an end the minute I leave this job. I do blame them for not considering my health first or believing I could succeed elsewhere.
Ultimately I'm the one gambling but I can't pretend I have had the right advice around me - it's just not true. I've had better support from my gf in a week than over the last 3 years from my family. No offers to help me self exclude, get counselling etc.
I don't trust there advice as i feel the real damage has been done over these last 6 months, something which could easily have been avoided.
Maybe I am being too hard on them, but it's how I feel.
Day 11 complete
Just read another post that gave me deja vue. Another young person snowballing their losses through sports betting, later chasing losses on casino games.
If we all had a time machine...
Day 12
More stress at work. Thankfully resisted temptation to try and gamble on commute home. Mind plays tricks and all of a sudden you realise you can go to the arcades even if you have self excluded from shops.
The disease that refuses to die is gambling. Always lurking, dormant waiting for you to slip up. Never stepped in them but the addiction encourages creativity in finding opportunity and funding. How this energy could and should be transferred to something actually positive!
Less than 2 months in current role before I'm gone gone gone! Journey to financial freedom begun. Must stay the course.
For anyone not sure if they are just bitter from a few losses vs someone who is a problem gambler consider this:
Do you chase a tiny loss until you have no money left? One of the things I found was that even a huge recovery to virtually break even wouldn't satisfy me. I somehow was compelled to squeeze a profit. Ridiculous I know... especially when involving Fixed odds betting terminals. They will get there profits, it's just not always your money stacking their pockets.
Have you found yourself seeking solace in gambling after a stressful situation? This unfortunately is the WORST time to gamble. You will almost certainly chase every loss with this mind set; you are seeking comfort but it's not gonna be found here long term.
Do you even know how much you've wagered in total this week? Last week or the whole month? Forget profit or loss for a second, what else are you spending similar similar amounts on? Do you go on £1000 nights out (as a comparison)?
This one only came to me recently, but do you catch yourself imagining yourself with extra spending money from the bet you've placed before you've actually won. I'm hindsight, you could have done whatever you were planning without this win. You are just too preoccupied with funding your habit you can't see it.
As a final bit of food for thought consider this, with gambling you are simply giving people money who don't need it. They're already rich and you're help keeping them there! Stop funding your own misery.
Good luck people.
Day 13 complete
Another stressful day looming tomorrow. Thankfully no gambling losses to ponder over from today making it 13 in total.
Day at a time. They soon start to stack up. Little by little debt being eroded. For now piece of mind will suffice.
13 days ago you couldn't find peace of mind.
Your comments above are spot on. For me it was hard to accept I was so guuliable to get sucked in by such a stupid non-sense. But I was, now I see it for what it is. A complete waste of time and money with the potential to mesmerise and control me. Some people can take it or leave it. For me I've tried it thousands of times and I admitt defeat, I choose to leave it. Just for today.
Hopefuly tomorrow I'll be of a similar mindset.
Great start mate.
Hope others are reading your posts. As a parent of a gambler your posts shine a light on the reality and consequences of having this problem in your lives. It lines the pockets of greedy companies who leave a great deal of their clients to ruin their lives. Much healthier to keep that money in your pocket. Keep counting those gfree days and clearing those debts - it is still possible to get that house you know!! To you and everyone above - Have a good weekend.
Thanks gamparentanon, geordie
2 weeks passed. It's nice to not be worrying about trying to recover losses on a sat morning.
As gambling memories & urges fade, time is freed up. Counting down the days until I've finished this job as well.
Something new to look forward to with less and less baggage by the month.
Enjoy the weather and weekend people.
Most importantly don't be tempted by the wave of advertising coming your way this weekend. Or worse someone on your Facebook, or Instagram posting a picture of some big accumulator win.
No-one posts about the day they lost a month's wage or mentions the previous 20 accumulators that they didn't win. Enjoy the sport gf ppl 🙂
Hi cantstopkeeplosing,
My thoughts for what it’s worth.
Firstly, the sheer quality of advice that you’ve been given from posters on this thread can’t be bought. Geordie, gamparentanon, bluescreen and several others on here are giving you top top advice from every angle.
When I saw your username I though ah... The ‘keep losing’ bit struck me. That said to me, at the time, your focus was more on the losses than the gambling itself. I recognised it instantly, I’ve been there, time after time after time...
I can’t give any different advice to what you have already been given but I will say that once you GENUINELY accept that your losses are gone for good and stop looking back, only then, can you get on that road to recovery. It takes time but acceptance is absolutely key. Only ever looking back with regrets is toxic, an obvious cliche it may well be, but what’s done really is done.
The other key acceptance is that of accepting that you are giving up for good. Not for a month, a year, 5 years. Forever. This was undoubtedly my biggest failing and the primary reason I could never stop. Although I was unaware at the time that that was why.
32 is young. Yep, I remember being 32, feeling old, having nothing, and wondering where I was going in life. I’m not here to boast, quite the opposite, to try and show you that life for you can start again now. Now later on, in my 40s, I went from that meandering low point in my life to driving that car I’d always wanted, being my own boss of a thriving company and earning good money. However, as good as things are now for me, wow things could’ve been even better. I gambled throughout most of that period and I would now have been seriously well off if I hadn’t, but hey, I’m no longer looking back, as I changed my mindset earlier this year. Do me a favour and do a better job than I did at your age, give up now while you are only in your early thirties.
Accept that your losses are gone. Accept gambling is gone forever from your life. Get as many blocks in place as you can (GAMSTOP is a massive lifeline to online CGs). Remember, support is key. Remember, we do have choices. With time you will see. The brain gets re-wired and everything gets easier. That dark feeling of hopelessness that we will never change, it does go away eventually. We will never be fully ‘cured’ but no addict ever truly is but we can live a perfectly ‘normal’ life with our gambling urges left, if not fully gone, dormant.
Hi Ukds69, thank you for posting. It's good to hear success stories such as yours. It's as important as reading the horror stories on things to avoid such as triggers temptation etc.
Whilst I accept things will improve because I have stopped gambling, the position it has put me in is far harder to cope with. I am turning 32 in little over a month and will have no equity at all. I owe more than I have; It's a horrible feeling as I have stuck with a job I hated in the hope I would secure a promotion. My contemporaries who joined at the same time are all doing well, and I feel very left behind. The building up of debt also mean it has been for nothing...
I remain gf but lost in so many other ways. It often feels like giving up would be a victory of sorts.
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