Full of regret guilt hurt and generally feel lost ? I've just come off the phone to the drs surgery he's going to ring me tonight..
Mentally I'm a mess can't seem to.shake it off im slowly trying to.build myself up.
I don't feel too.good though today must admit the mental.struggle of the reality is hitting me hard ? but I guess it's all part of my.journey and I need to feel.this and go through with this to get to were I want to be I know my goals and them posts are staying firmly in view I just wish I could turn bk time however if I hadn't of done what I did I would still be gambling and in denial of what I did that's me turning a negative into a positive I guess.
Me and hubby still not on a great path ? but it's time to make a new one because this is the only way we both get our lives back..
I've got him.on gamstop so he can't access any more accounts no more cheeky top.ups or play in secret nothing which I guess is good because its his access to the game that got us into this mess in the first place.
Although I feel.lost at the.minute I do.know tome is a great healer and this us the only way I know how to move forward cold turkey as they say no watching tracksino to see what I could of won or seeing what's going on nothing..
I suppose the thing that I'm struggling with the most is my guilt really the money I've put on that game in the last 4weeks makes me feel.sick to the stomach it hurts but that's y I know it needs to.stop now if I don't change now and do this I'm going to lose everything I've managed to sort myself financially so far so I'm just going to keep.on now turning it around..if I.dont I never will my advice to you all is stop.stop.now if you need a chat write on my wall we can do this together ❤
Hello
Just being reading this and honestly this was me last week I am now day 11 gf and it is slowly getting easier
But I was last week at rock bottom like at a point where I didn't want to be here anymore because it's so true the addiction is real the chase the thrill it's all real
My anxiety was through the roof, I was so scared to tell loved ones because I have been a secret gambler for years but I finally did tell them and it has been a weight lifted off my shoulders
They have helped me so much I have self excluded from everything I have gamban on every device in my house and you know what it's the best thing I have done
Also how I am getting through this is honestly from reading people's stories and journeys on here by taking it day by day and not thinking about my future because I don't no whats going to happen in my future but I no what I want now and that is a better life
Sorry for ranting on
I just wanted to chat to you because it does get better I promise
Like this will make you laugh I went to the cinema on my own yesterday and the taxi driver said I was sad and I said why am I sad he replied who goes to the cinema on there own and I said someone who is not afraid to do things on her own he soon shut up lol
But the struggle is hard for sure but I am trying to get myself out there again and do stuff I would never have before
Here if you would like to chat
@juicyj thanku so much the struggle is not resisting the game as much its the guilt over the money I've thrown at it that one big win again but we all know the only winner is the owners of the games...
I have been given medication to calm my anxiety and can honestly say its working and I've managed something to eat.
I still believe my hubby could be alot more help that he's being but this makes me want to.do.it more than ever because I have sorted it out all on my.own which I'm.proud of myself for doing..
But as for the game it's now Game over my life my descions my chapter and I'm going to.make it a good one x
Well.done for going out these little changed each day makes it so much better because gambling has been apart of our routine for so long it is the norm but it isn't we make our own destiny and mine is to.look bk in a few months years etc and say I did it I did this n so can you x
Hi
Life gets so much easier slowly taking steady baby steps.
How could I think that causing myself was fun and exciting.
I had so many fears it was easy for me to go in to panic mode and loose control of my life and my thinking.
My anxiety and panic were all fear based issues.
Then the question is living in fear healthy for me.
Self excluding helps.
But taking away the fears that made me escape was very useful.
For me honestly and our sharing is the biggest part of our recovery.
Reading people’s sharing I see and feel myself in them
Taking it day by day is low steady baby steps for me.
Bit like mountain climbers we take slow steady steps and learn new scoping skills.
I only have to face life and myself one day at a time.
Love and peace to every one
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
Hi
well done n hitting day 3 it’s really hard in the first week my advice keep coming on here reading the posts, it helps and keeps you busy which is really important.I’m on day 26 and determined to keep going , I have failed before but I won’t this time . I want to be able to breathe everyday and enjoy not have aneixty about a sport result or will I get 21 or if the scatter will come up soon, when thinking back it really is a disgusting habit . We can all beat i up t.
@pbuxton1982 thanku deffo want to do this now I'm sick of being stuck in the same rut chasing that win that will never happen watching tracksino to see what I've missed and if I'd of bet what I would of won its all one horrid cycle only us can break this cycle n I'm ready to do this it's been ok so far no temptation however the biggest thing I am struggling with Is the guilt the guilt of spending all that money I saved thr arguments between and my hubby the look.of disappointment on mi mams face she cried and that's what hurts I was so scared of telling her sometimes I wish I hadn't but I can't lie anymore it's not fair to them.they deserve the truth but I know il never get the money bk I've never gone on a bender like I have done in the last few weeks but no more my money my life my way now x
It’s rough when you confess , everyone makes mistakes in life , as addicts we make a lot , don’t think about what you’ve lost it makes it worse , what you can think is every day clean you save money. My last blast at it was disgusting too , blowing hundreds at a time it’s gone and we ain’t getting it back.
in my first week I focussed on being active I found that I had hours to get jobs done , I painted and gardened and my phone well it was on charge not me staring at it for scores or playing black jack trying not to let anyone see.
@littlemix If honest i've not told anyone this time round, me and my partner have seperate accounts and she has her own personal issues and i don't want to put anything more on her. I guess why i am on here keeping myself busy, i think its great though when people do get help from family, for me though there is only me that can beat this and i will beat it.
@pbuxton1982 I get it this must be hard tbh my.hubby broke over it at 1am this morning you see I was on gamstop.but he kept putting the game on his phone for me to play which was wrong and that's what.led to the blowouts he's since put it on his phone gamban and I k ow now he can never do.it again because I couldn't say.no I.lost myself I'm so angry at.myself however il get there day 4 today not to bad today tbh no urge just keep on going with the guilt how are you today
Hi
Yes confession was hard for me.
Yet my honesty helped me get real with myself and also admit what I had done and said was very unhealthy.
I use to justify going against my own conscience when in action.
Letting go of lost money is surrender to the serenity prayer.
Yes being productive and healthy active gets us focused on those things we can change.
Writing down my healthy needs, writing down my healthy wants, and writing down my healthy goals help me get movated towards healthy habits.
Yes I want to heal every pain in my life.
Love and pece to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave Of Beckenham
@pbuxton1982 no he'd just put it on his device after I went on gamstop he'd do an odd flutter here and there but it's me that couldn't walk away after I'd lost
@gadaveuk thanku
Hi
I appreciate you being open and being honest with your self and us.
you being honest with your self and us reduces your fears.
And that is a healthy thing.
Keep up the good healthy work.
Being in recovery we are far less a loner.
Love and peace to every one
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
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