Day 2

Hi Littlemix, thanks for posting on my diary. What keep me going is seeing people like yourself just starting out on their recovery and remembering how I felt at the beginning. I always say to people that the most important day is day 1 as it takes courage to come out and admit we have a problem and remember no matter how successful anyones story is we all started at day 1

You say you have done 45 days before so you know you can do this. Get the counselling, I had some at the beginning arranged by Gamcare and it was really helpful. Make sure you have all the blocks in place to stop you when the urges surface, a blocker on your phone, I use Betblocker and signed up for 5 years, register with Gamstop again for 5 years and get your bank to put a block on gambling transactions.

Personally my wife took full control of our finances, changing all passwords and cancelling my debit card so I had no access to money and we are still doing this which doesn't bother me. I was deep in credit card debt so if this is you I would recommend contacting Stepchange the debt management charity. They set up a debt management plan for me meaning I only pay what I can afford each month without the worry of interest being added to the debt.

Most of all feel proud each day that you have not gambled and as time goes on the stress will ease and you can start to get your life back.

All the best

@bladesman thanku so much for posting much appreciated ? I really need that boost today I'm ok debt wise my hard earned savings gone ehich I feel.sick to the stomach at I was so.proud of how far I'd come to get it all together but I accept that is gone now so I'm trying not to dwell on it and be kind to myself I'm very lucky my mum has been amazing I want to.stop now because if I don't I will truly lose all of myself and I can't and won't do that I've had a phone call from the counselling today and I've taken it with both hands my hubby has said he is going g to put gamban on his phone tonight then there is no open risk for temptation but I'm ready I'm reading all the stories tips etc to keep my head above water and that I will.do not only for me but my beautiful family I'm glad uve got support I'm trying to get my hubby to realise how much emotional damage this has done to me I don't think he does realise I think he may feel guilty as it was me that accesed his phone but I've spoke to him putting a blocker on his software as it's him that puts it on his device I guess a big win and a few more made greed a big thing something I never thought I'd admit too but god I'm ready more than anything I'm sick of having nothing being a nervous wreck it's making me so ill I can't concentrate how many days have u done x

The main reason we keep going I think is hoping for that big win to recover the losses when we know deep down it will never happen so accepting what's gone is gone is a big part of recovery. As well as the credit cards I also gambled some of our savings and my wife came to terms with what I had done by thinking of it an an illness that I was slowly recovering from. Don't get me wrong, in no way do I think I have beaten this, it's a lifelong commitment to remain gamble free, day 691 nearly complete. 

All the best

@bladesman well done and thanku for raking the time to.write to me and give me advice I appreciate it I know that ots a long journey but I'm in this for the long haul now the damage is already done however no more damage no more lies or hiding playing the game it's just the guilt that I need to deal.with the guilt of the lies false promises and the money I've lost but I want this journey so bad that it Will continue day by day and I know I will get stronger my advice fir anyone struggling we can do this one day at a time br kind to.yourself and think I've got this x

Hi

Abstaining from addictions and obsessions can be a big the struggle yet with clean time and understanding your emotional triggers you will achieve so much more withy our life.

Our guilt indicates to me that deep down I had a healthy conscience yet I was emotionally vulnerable and use to escape in to unhealthy habits.

For me the money would never heal my pains or give me any kind of healthy resolves to my life.

My anxiety and panicking was due to excessive high levels of fears I could not or would not resolve or face.

Having unreasonable expectation of your husband will not help you, you are causing your self pains by having unreasonable expectation, why hurt your self. 

Once you get in to healthy abstaining your descions will become healthier and clearer.

Find a healthy sponsor it will help you.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK