Day 317 to Day 1

Hi

Its good that you can tell us and I appreciate it. You are quite right that there is no point keeping it a secret and hiding your emotions.

I have realised that my recovery is lifelong. What helps me is being able to discuss it with my parents and a couple of close friends. They are my monitoring group and we have discussed what may trigger me off again

I used to have this dream about motorway service stations and feeling stressed or empty inside. Certainly any stressful job, bad news and feeling lonely away from home would be a major challenge for me as my devil may care drug of choice has always been gambling. 

A monitoring group gives you something that this forum can not do. They can get more hands on to help you.

If having a phone is a weakness you must discuss that further. My best advice is that you can not and should not rely on a gamban type software. Its a tool for the job but not the most important factor in blocking or healing the mind. You must concentrate far more on protecting your money and have the bulk protected by others or in a non access account....Its not awkward compared to the feelings about what you have recently done

Its a horrendous addiction that can come back out of the blue. I feel strong but I can never be complacent again. As you well know, in an instant it can feel like "whats the harm in having a little go"

I would not mistake stopping before total savings extinction as any reliable sign of control. Sometimes I could walk away earlier and sometimes I just could not.

So I hope you can tell someone close and it worries me that you just mention an exclusion time as if it may be done and dusted. I dont know everything about your story so I just want to make you think.

Having a stern father who hates gambling helped shape me up to heal. He wants to know where my savings and inheritances are in secure accounts He wants to know how my finances are doing for my own good. More importantly I cant blag. borrow and defraud him any longer as he would know I was gambling. I wouldnt want to let him down and it creates more barriers than software alone can do.

It does not embarrass me. I am proud and have my self respect back.

Best wishes from everyone on the forum

Commiserations Frogman as regards your fall from grace but respect for your honesty, openness and determination to try again.

We know we're only one bet away from disaster and I myself have  failed many times but on those sad occasions we have no other choice but to pick ourselves up and try again.

Your story has been a great help to me as a reminder of my own  vulnerability. That is not going to help you much but thank you anyway. 

Best wishes

From Stephen ?

Love the response on your post Frogman. I am pretty much the same as your position. 323 days to 7 (now). It sucks. The relapse is such a hard hit which has left me confused and feeling very low. Seems like such a mountain to climb. My wife isn’t talking to me following blowing a similar amount to yourself. Take this as a reminder that it ends in misery every time and we cannot ever let our guards down. Give your mind plenty of other things to do and the ‘itch’ to gamble more or the feeling of lowness will pass. 

Stronger Together

Beat