Day 4 and I am looking at a whole new way to tackle this. I've realised the lack of routine in my life and the boredom definitely don't help.
I also know when I am here at home I want to gamble but when I would be away visiting my ex boyfriend in the UK I never wanted to...even though he lives near a seaside town full of arcades with slots.
I need to look at what I feel gambling has been helping me to escape from here...and also the high that winning money has been giving to me, and accept that those wins mean nothing even though they have happened quite often...because I am a compulsive gambler and I can't stop once I start...I will lose it all back again and again and ultimately destroy myself even more so it's a case of just don't gamble to start with..I can't pick the pieces of gambling that I want, there is no knowing when to fold or when to roll for me as I won't stop.
I have a terrible fear of being broke but a lovely person on here yesterday told me
'money can only do so much for you; you can only drink and eat so much in one day etc' this is true...I know my gambling is not just down to wanting money at this stage, it's also been a release for me..BUT I have been scared of having no money and experience big wins at the slots which I felt were an easy way for me to make money, the irony being that my fear is actually leaving me broke now anyway because I would put it all back in one way or another.
I find it so hard starting over for what feels like the millionth time and getting my finances in order again for the millionth time but I know that if I don't this disease is slowly killing me and destroying my head so I have no choice now but to accept that I can never gamble again. Acceptance for me is the key. There is no winner at gambling, I have to be my own winner by not gambling.
I am planning a routine at the moment to take me out of the bad habit and into good habits...as someone else once said to me, never underestimate the power of habit, both good and bad.
I want to stop thinking the only way to deal with my problems here is to escape to a casino and destroy myself even more.
Best of luck to all who are striving to fight this compulsion.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
