This is my 2nd post, I wrote my first post as a response to someone else’s diary.
Day two for me. My bank balance is at £0. I’m £11,500 in debt (£6000 of which is from gambling) my debt was approx £19500 but I’ve managed to pay some off over the last year. I have a debt plan in place but like others I imagine we fixate on it, counting down the days till payday so we can make the next instalment and see the debt diminish. I was sitting here looking at my finances and had an inclination to try and ‘find’ £100 or maybe more if I could so that I to have a bet with it. I saw what I had gambled away just two days ago and that feeling of ‘gotta get it back’ came over me. That feeling I’m sure we’ve all felt of ‘all I need is one lucky spin, I’ll get it back and I’ll never to it again’ the lie you tell yourself of ‘I’m gonna stop this but I want to stop on a high note’
Then I thought, What do I want more? The money I’ve lost this month back or a future of being honest and true to myself and those around me? A quick fix is alluring but a future of financial stability without a bad habit or addiction controlling me is more appealing.
I came here to login to the chat room, looking for a distraction but didn’t realise it was run at certain times. So now I’m here starting this diary.
Yesterday I had such a strong resolve, today I’ve been fine but tonight that thought of trying to borrow or find some money to gamble with to win crept into my mind. It was so second nature, so appealing, so convincing, so seemingly out of my control that it scared me. However I have a choice, trawl the internet looking for a payday loan so that I can have a 2% chance of winning some money or jolt myself back to reality and visit this site.
Funny isn’t it, what the mind hears? The voice of the habit screams at you ‘you’ve got a 2% chance of winning’. So you jump to attention and think you’re onto a good thing. If the voice shouted ‘you’ve got a 98% chance of losing and digging yourself in deeper’ any sane person would hear that but my mind hears 2% chance of winning. Let’s do it’
I control my actions. I will not be led by this old habit. This is my second post. This is day two.
Day Three.
It’s been ok today I had an office meeting that I had to drive to, usually I would sit in the car for a bit and place deposit for a quick spin. Today I didn’t. I wouldn’t even say I had the urge, just the thought that that’s what I would’ve done. That sort of sneaky behaviour only started a week ago. That’s one of the things that scared me and that’s why I’m here.
It’s this time of evening where the allure of maybe winning makes me crave a game. Being tough. I will see this through.
wishing everyone on here a gamble free night. Let’s keep our money in our pockets, get our debts paid and be free.
Morning junkyard
Welcome to the forum, a place full of like minded folk who all share a common goal, to arrest the next punt, with that put an end to the self destruction.
I believe that fixating on your debt is only one part of the bigger picture because the money is simply put the fuel that feeds our addiction.
There is a triangle
Time - money - location
Take one away and that punt becomes impossible and as a result you will actually win.
Because if like me a compulsive gambler you will live by a mantra
I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP.
no win or lucky spin will ever be big enough we just use the winnings as more gambling tokens.
Use this time wisely to put some practical blocks in place, blocking software, limit access to your hard earned money and when you get paid the cycle will be broken.
It's not easy, for me our brain is wired differently. But if you want change it's there, you need to shut the door between yourself and that next bet.
I will leave you with this
How do you make a compulsive gambler a millionaire?
Start him as a billionaire!
Today I have a new mantra
Abstain and maintain
Duncs stepping forward never back.
Hi Dunc,
Thanks for the message. Money is tight this month because I spent it all and lost it all online. I’m sitting here thinking, if only i could get my hands on some money or if only i was to come into some cash magically, I’m an idiot, I’d only just received my end of year bonus last week, I’d planned to put it onto my credit card but I didn’t, I spunked it all within an hour. That was four days ago.
I’m glad id self excluded otherwise I think I would’ve found it too easy to place a bet today. Also your words above have helped. I CANNONT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP. It’s hard to argue with logic like that. Thank you!
Willpower alone isn't enough. If it was there wouldn't be a need for this site.
What blocks are you putting in place? Registering with Gamstop which will self exclude you from most if not all UK operated sites is a start. Have you looked into counselling and GA? Alongside practical blocks you will need to identify and address the root of the compulsion.
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