dazed one

Hi Carla.... In a way I was quite relieved that when I tried to get pay day loans and they said NO. My family has also said that they won't lend me money (because of my gambling history) and the friends that i do have are poor so they wouldn't be in a position to lend me money anyway. I struggle on under my own resources or lack of. I think what I am saying is that having no options for money other than what I earn... this is motivating me to stop myself gambling and put them barriers up.

Glad the mediataion helped a bit. I will take a look at your link

Take care... S.A

Thank you Duncan and SA! I am so busy (yeah... two jobs now to keep up with debts) so don't have a lot of time to write on threads but your posts are very appreciated. You're right, Duncs, in that I get money and suddenly feel like it's liscence to gamble. Must change my thinking. I'm glad the knee exercises have helped but sorry to say I don't have any tricks up my sleeve for your elbow. I had surgery on my own elbow in Sept but it didn't help (at least not so far.... a dif problem than yours, though). SA, I always relate to your posts and see so much of myself in your writing. This past week I have tried to focus on the "vibe" I am giving off to others. I've been trying to create self awareness about how I appear to others as I know I have tons of stress in my life. I've managed to appear calm and relaxed this week and I'm finding the more I focus on my own "vibe" (as opposed to reacting to others), the more I'm able to let life's annoyances go. I know I need to continually work at this as I often abandon postive practices too quickly and am very stress-reactive but I did find some success as I practised this this week. I also just now came across a link which I really liked (just under 15 min). It's a TED talk by a Dr. Rick Hanson on how to hard-wire your brain for happiness. Some of you may be interested. I'll try to post more on the weekend. Enjoy the link. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpuDyGgIeh0

Blew it again.... worse than ever. Am about to go to work, guts churning, dreading the end of the day when there will be calls from creditors if I can't convince my colleague and friend to lend me yet again. Feel soooo wound up.... had to put these feeling out there. Just shoot me. I've been given so many chances but I'm afraid my 'luck' has run out for good this time. f**k.

Carla.

The truth is for me that all the time I secured 'bail outs' from whomever I could addiction got the green light, in my twisted addicted mind I treated it as a victory.

I don't know how things work over the pond that sits between us but by admitting that I didn't have the funds to pay my debts and why brought me to making financial repayment agreements with them that meant that I could have a living wage and repay the debt over a longer period. I have repaid the majority of them now over three years on.

The debtor's were happy to wait and some froze the interest so long as I kept to the agreed schedule.

Most importantly the funds with which we gamble are simply the fuel, a symptom of addiction.

Please seek help, it's there you have to want to accept it more than addiction wants you to feed it.

My luck ran out the day I slid my first coin into that machine As far as ggambling is concerned.

Recovery doesn't need luck, it needs a commitment for life.

I hope you take it, best of all its free, it financially won't cost a dime.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

I can empathise with you Carla.

In the times when I have completely run out of options for getting more money...i enter a whole new world of horribleness. I am forced to seek help and am no longer able to hide away.

You will get through your current financial crisis. Make a committment to not gamble anymore and put some barriers up. Its the only way to find stability once more.

Thoughts are with you... S.A

Hi Carla, I hope you are feeling a bit better now. Sorry to read about your recent relapse and I hope you find the strength to pick yourself up and try again.

I was reading your diary and followed your link to Hardwire your brain to Happiness. As it turned out I was able to use an Amazon free trial of his audio book (might be worth checking if that offers available in Canada).

The audio book is very! long and to some extent, that Youtube clip is a fairly accurate summary. I'm sceptical at the idea that you are able to 'hardwire' in such a relatively easy way. That said I've been following it and early signs seem good but then I'm combining with some other more traditional stuff on social anxiety. Anyway, best wishes and be interested in what you think if you get into that book more.

Hi Carla,

How are you girl?
Please drop a line to let us know that you are well and sound.

You're in my thoughts..please don't isolate, we can make through this dark time you found yourself in.

Things will get better..keep your chin up..you're worth it!

S x

Hi Carla,

I hope you're ok. Wishing you well.

James

Hi Carla,

Just went through my diary and all of you great peeps come bk to mind ☺

Hope you're well Hun, drop us a line with an update when you can.

Thank you for your support as always, am blessed to know you.

Stay safe

S x

"To get up each morning with the resolve to be happy is to set our own conditions to the events of each day.В  To do this is to condition circumstances instead of being conditioned by them."В 

В -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Always found these words soooo inspiring...you can give such a positive effect on folks Hun...i miss you...but i know you're taking it step at a time!
By your side all the way girl!!! Unconditionally

Love, hugs, belief

Sandra xxx

Oh Carla..

Don't know where to start. I lost your e-mail address and the last email I planned to respond to but never did...over a year ago 🙁

Firstly, please know that I was nor am in no way upset with you. I had started a selfish chapter of life for a while where I just drifted off from all my GC friends.

Just wanted to say...sorry...

Life is not all roses. Doesn't matter that I could afford a mortgage and new place...doesnt matter I had my head screwed on briefly and fought for my dreams...
..all went down the drain because I lost the desire to look ahead. Yes, I have beautiful house, even more gorgeous dog, I survived car crash almost a year ago, have had support groups with AA/GA and everything seems chikky bikky..

It's not the case because I am still me...poorly CG who refuses to see the reality. I am degrading daily...

I never was better than any of you. I only accepted help and looked ahead. Now I refused the help and tumbling down in the space of light.

I just wanted you to know that I often think of you. You are, alongside many, in my prayers.
I hope you're keeping safe dear lady and accepting support offered. We cannot do it by ourselves...please keep looking ahead ☺

Hugs and sorry again for such delay. I don't use emails for half a year now plus changed phone which didn't transfer half of my contacts over...

..poor excuses huh...i was just selfish and didn't give time for others...

God bless xx