DГ©sormais......

w*f was that gambling about indeed?

OAU in recovery whatever form it takes ODAAT - Juuuuuune

You're looking good Ade, forgive my ignorance but those wires holding your sternum together are permanent yeah, and are ok with airport security check in ??..I can picture you now in your birthday suit alarm still beeping away with two security officials scratching their heads thinking ...I wonder if :-)))

have a great day 13 in your health recovery mate...OAU...Ginger

Yes lovely new pic Adeee, (would look good with a blonde wig on too ohh :)))))

Hey thanks for dropping by (in the middle of the night ohh:(() does that mean you are still not having a good sleep, 0)))

Seriously plenty of rest, and gentle exercise, else I.will be on my broomstick lol, (with satnav 0 ((()

Yes have seen that film Unbroken, lol, I am a bit of a film fanatic, (ohhh)))) we don't do nothing in half measures do we :))))

Take it easy,and keep,SAS

Suzanne xxx

Thanks Juuuuuuuune, Ginge and Suzanne for your constant supportive posts.

For me now life is all about perspective. I have kicked gambling into touch now. I am confident that I will not be going back to that sad robotic automaton that was ruled by sporting gambling and virtual gambling.

At times during my 7 years of 'trying' to quit the gambling habit, that had become so all controlling in my daily existence. I struggled not only with the concept of stopping gambling, but also with the person I had morphed into through gambling. No longer was I a nice person all the time. It made me deceitful, manipulative, cunning and above all selfish.

Four human traits that I never carried with me during my first 30+ years of my life. Also because of my mental state all logical thinking and thought processes were non-existent. I had become selfish in the extreme, a complete opposite of how I had grown up, and the values of life that my parents had taught me.

My self-esteem started to suffer, and my self-worth was extremely low. I viewed myself as a sad shadow of the fun bubbly person that I had once been. These were indeed low low times for me. I would frequent betting shops at all weird and wonderful times of the day. Sometimes letting lunchtime visits overrun, and often leaving work early to get there in time for a certain race or just because my addiction craved being in the comfort of the bookies, with all the nice colourful screens, and the constant punting on anything and everything. Be it real or virtual, I'd be there handing my money over the counter to some cashier, who was more interested in playing Candy Crush on her mobile. I'd lose mostly, but as we all know a win can make you invincible and boost you up so you are 'Billy big balls' again.

On the odd occasion I'd strike gold, I couldn't wait to tell everyone about it, I'd even sit in my car outside the bookies and text any friend who was remotely interested in gambling all the details of my win.....what teams, what horse, what score....basically whatever details of my win would be put out there to let everyone know I'd had a tidy win. Basically I needed my ego rubbed. Looking back now, this really give s me a deep sense of embarrassment. The fact that I needed to text people to tell them about all the details of some lucky acca. What games they were, the odds, how much i'd staked and most importantly how much I had 'won'!! The irony of it all, is that we never truly win do we. We just borrow it for a while, before we give it all back...

The sad reality of all this, is that I'd just have spent an hour and a half in that bookies after work, and more often than not lost loads before I got lucky and recouped my money. Like I say, logic just went out the window for me. It makes my shiver to think back to my daily routine of that time. I kept up a smiley face and a facade at home, and evaded detection somehow. Like I said, I had become devious in the extreme. I always had an answer for why I was late home. Or why a trip to the high street to get some groceries always took an age. Mainly because I'd whizz round the shop like I was on 'Supermarket Sweep' then hit the bookies to get my fix.

Like I said earlier, I will never go back. NEVER. I can see why and where I went wrong now. I can see that I needed something to replace the thrill I'd once got from playing football, and the belonging to a club. A whole social network surrounded the team I played for. It was a sports club attached to a big petroleum company, where thousands of people worked. The social club and sports facilities were fantastic. I came from North London down to this environment, and I was like a fish out of water.

I joined the football club, which at the time had 5 teams......played a few games in the 4th team, then was I was immediately promoted to the 1st XI as I had excelled in the 4ths. By the end of the season. I had racked up 20 goals from 26 appearances and was voted Players Player of the Year by my peers. My team mates, many of whom were older than me had voted me 1st XI Player of the Season. I was gobsmacked, but my ego had been rubbed, and I wanted more. Here I was playing for a club with 5 teams, and approximately 70 players signed on, and I had been voted the best player. North London boy makes good in Surrey the headlines read!!!!

As a result of this new found fame within the institutionalised environment I now found myself in. I became popular around the club, I worked hard, trained hard and socialised hard.....I had many great years playing football, working and socialising with the social club being the hub of my life.

When all that ended, it left a void. I guess gambling tried to replace it. It was after all sports related gambling I was doing wasn't it. But sitting alone in a betting shop on a Monday lunchtime watching greyhounds and virtual horse racing, is slightly different to the buzz of breaking from midfield, exchanging passes with your teammate, beating the last defender, rounding the keeper and watching the ball roll down the net and nestle in the corner, to win a match for your team. Then go and celebrate that victory, be patted on your back for helping get those three valuable points, and drink your Saturday night away with your pals.....

Somewhere along the line I took a wrong turn. That adulation and enormous pool of friends I had was gone.

Reflecting back now, is quite enlightening for me. One of the reasons being, that yesterday, 3 of my old teammates from that team back in the early to mid 90's had heard about my operation, and came to visit me. To say I was touched, was a massive understatement. These guys reminisced about our team of that time, how we had won several cup finals of the time, they rubbed my ego too, when they described how I used to tie defenders up in knots, and accelerate away from them, as if it was a training match. One of them even remembered a game in which I scored a hat-trick away from home against a particularly hard physical team, and when I was substituted just befor the final whistle our opponents defenders, who I had terrorised all afternoon, applauded me off the pitch. I have no recollection of this, but he remembers it vividly!! We sat "funnily enough" in my man-cave at the end of the garden and chatted for the best part of 2 hours. These friends and ex-team mates remembered me in such fond terms, I was so touched that these 50 year old men had got together to come and visit me.

Little did they know about how low I had slipped into destructive gambling and how it had changed my personality so much.

I started this dialogue about talking about perspective. Now, as you know, 2 weeks ago I had major open heart surgery. A complex operation, but one which will improve my well being and strengthen my heart. So effectively, as tough as the op and the rehab is going to be, the result will be a new improved me.

I learnt yesterday during my ex-teammates/friends visit that one of the players from our team was diagnosed with leukemia just last week and is currently undergoing extensive chemo, he is 50. And another player from that team has had throat and tongue cancer and is now sadly in a hospice, he is 44.

Now, that is perspective for you. That is the reality of life in all its glory. I will get better, but sadly one of my friends will pass away, and the other has one hell of a fight on his hands as he battles leukemia.

Thanks for listening

Ade

Morning Adee,

What a strong from the heart post:))). I could feel your inner strength and determination come through.

How lovely to see friends from the past visit,,but sad at the same time as you were given sad news about two players, must have been very emotional for you, all round my friend,

I think doors from the past will keep reopening from time to time, bringing back good and bad memories, but as long as we keep our past in the right perspective, we will continue to move on and face new challenges, with new knowledge and wisdom,

Our gambling addiction is unique to all of us, and equally personal to us, sharing your thoughts on yesterday, shows what a strong

and caring person you really are, (yes with a great sense of humour) which is one of your big positives.

Keep looking after you and yours and keep SAS

Suzanne xxx

Hi Ade,

Your last post was both informative and inspiring, for it shows how gamblng ties up our time and minds, makes us different characters from the persons we really are and provides us with the perspective that we need to really think about in our lives

Enjoyed reading a snippet of your past

Weldy

Hi Ade,

Thank you for your lovely,insightful and informative post the other day ☺..i even emailed them with a little extra info following your advice..all is good...i shall find out next month on my medical appointment.

You're very caring person you know..reading your post today brought tears to my eyes (ya know how ladies likes to cry don't ya? 😉 )...it also made me to realise how much I've been neglecting the ones around me..yes..still neglecting cause my addiction been taken over by horrible depression..i did connect with my dear parents again today, my sister, nephew...few friends.

I am glad to see you are recovering well..i noticed you still find it trouble sleeping at night:-/ wonna join my nightshift? I got warm space ready for you (not a magnetic field you can find on the premises let me point out 😉 )....i have very comfy chairs which goes with a speed of the lightning lol..and we can race each other! Yeah!!! I like this plan (just not downstairs 😉 )

Keep winning, keep being kind to you and thank you for your ongoing support

S x

Hi Ade have been away in holiday and just read about your op. Hope u r doing ok and recovering. I have every confidence u will beat this the same way you have kicked ur addiction into touch. Talking of kicking u sound as though u were not a bad player and a striker like myself. Don't think i was as fast as u but used my brain more to get myself that extra yard. I too link my gambling back to not making it as a footballer as ever since i was a young boy it was the only thing i ever wanted to be. At 18 i totally fell out of love with the game as i knew i wasnt going to make it and took me years to get over it. As u say gambling replaced that buzz for me and then took over. Thankfully i am now out of its clutches and have just enjoyed a fabulous 2 week holiday with the family and i have a lot to be thankful for. Take care my friend and look after yourself.

Hey Adrianne,

As i see not much sleep going on again huh 🙂 ..well, we shall keep it real for the early risers ok 😉

Originally I'm from old bad Lithuania lol...at the min stuck in Lincolnshire, Blondie (Suzanne) seem eager to come over here for good! Can't blame her...fields....freedom...cows s**t lol...lovely for a human ☺ lol

Meeting up huh...yep, you won't get disspaponted meeting Juunie...at leat for me, she is one of the awesome ppl i got to know ☺. I have met with Duncs in her company and even if i am a little shy (yup believe me!!!) It all worked out well ☺...i cannot promise you anything at this stage, just used my nearly last days off for this year (lasts till December) and my work patterns are well & truly f***d up :-/
I am sure you two will have a brill time catching up tho 😉 as of the contact details. You are more than welcome to claim them off my dear dear Sesuo Juuune 🙂

Keep recovering dear friend...keep working it one day at a time

S x

Ps. Sister is well..she is keeping afloat, i just wish i was there at a time instead of her. Saves the pain i guess

It is what it is. Life goes on ☺

Xx

Hi Adee,

Hey thanks for the offer of me meeting up with you and the other gamcare witches 0)) lol.(scary or what lol) and that's without the brooms.

Would love to meet up with you all, for real, I live nr Leeds, probably 200 miles away, but what's mileage between Gamcare friends, you have all played an important part in my recovery, and so yes I would like to take you up on your offer :)))

Most of my family are down south, son lives in Chelmsford, maybe I can kill two birds with one stone (so to speak lol) visit you and then my son. planning on going down there on my own very soon anyway.

Don't try and take on too much this early in your post op recovery Ade but am sure you know what you will be taking on 0))) and am sure you know what you are doing 0))))).

You can get my email, phone number from coo coo, I think junniee has it now too lol.

Keep staying SAS my friend in both recoveries.

Blondieee xxx

PS good job Hallowean stuff is in the shops now, as I can get a new outfit lol :))))))

Thanks for the kind supportive posts Suzanne, GT, Weldy, Sandra and Gregg

Just thought I'd re-post this short tale, that I often read to remind me why I am travelling on this recovery road.....

Take take a little time to read this story, it makes sense no matter who you are!!

A Mayonnaise Jar and Two Beers

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 beers story.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked his students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook it lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the gold balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous ‘yes’.
The professor then produced 2 beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space. The students laughed. ‘Now,’ said the professor as the laughter subsided, ‘I want you to recognise that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favourite passions - and if everything else was lost and they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.
The sand is everything else - the small stuff.’

‘If you put the sand into the jar first,’ he continued, ‘there is no room left for the pebbles or golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit your grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposals. Take care of the golf balls first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities ... The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and enquired what the beer represented ...

The professor smiled and said, ‘I’m glad you asked. The beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there is always room for a couple of beers with a friend.’
Ade

I have heard that story before but forgotten it - it's a good one and a great reminder of what life can be all about

I wonder if i could make use of that in my wedding speech?

Weldy

Just popping by to say hello. Your sensitive, reasoned and excellent advice to Sandra made me want to come by and read some of your diary....that and the fact that I was intrigued by a man so in touch with his feminine side! I thought you might have some hair and make up tips on here 🙂

You really seem to have this beat. Not just under control, but kicked into touch (the only footballing term I know...or is it rugby? sorry, it's all I've got!!). You've got a great outlook on life, and your recent operation only seems to have strengthened that. I loved your post about perspective and the above story about the mayonnaise jar. I've experienced a lot of loss in my life, and using that analogy I can see that I had replaced the misssing people (the golf balls) with gambling (sand) to fill the void where they had been. Thanks for sharing it, it's really got me thinking.

Good luck with your visit from the witches!

LifeBegins x

Hi Ade,

Thank you for your consistent encouragement on my diary, it means a lot and I really appreciate it

So just catching up on your own journey(s) - How are you getting on this week? Good week I hope?

Weldy