Hi all
I know I am new here, but I thought I would start a diary as it may help me along the way.
I am now 10 days - no bet. I do not want to bet and it is not on my mind. And that is what confuses me? How can I go long periods not even thinking about gambling and then bang! I get sucked in again?
I have thought based OCD, and yes it plays with my life and has done since I was a kid. I have started counselling and they think I am using gambling to escape reality when something bad happens in my life. They also think I may be Bipolar 2, so that is another road I may be going down. This episode of gambling came after a break of 3 years 4 months. In that time I never cared about having a bet, in fact, I hated the thought of doing it. Now I know I will go a long time now without gambling. I just worry that a future episode of bad news may kick me off again. I want this thing gone out of my life.
I am determined to rid myself of it. I will do the counselling and anything else that is suggested. I will have any test they want to check for Bipolar. I know I have mental health issues, but I do not want to use them as an excuse. I have to take control of my thoughts and my mind. I am even signing up for a Mindfulness course.
I want to be free more than anything. I cannot keep hurting those I love.
Thanks for listening
Ant
Hiya ant welcome to the forum I'm quite new myself it's good that you have realised you have a problem and are doing something about it . You are in the right place and there are many people who can give you some really good advice .take it one day at a time and ring gamcare they do one on one councillor and might be easier to talk one on one rather than in a group good luck in your recovery mate
Thanks Tommy
I have rang Gamcare and they arranged a councillor meeting. I have already had my first session.
Clearly I have mental health issues that bring me to gamble when life gets tough, and I want to get to the root of that.
I am reading through the threads and finding it all very useful. There are some inspiring stories on here.
That is great to hear ant .how was the session of councillor does it seem.to work I've never fancied it myself but heard good things?
It was very good. Very emotional if I am honest as well.It has made me see there is hope ahead. I will be attending all the sessions, and if I am honest I am looking forward to it.
Hi Ant
Welcome to the forum. I too have been referred for counselling and I am also looking forward to engaging with someone on a 1-2-1 basis.
Keep coming back here and getting your thoughts down into your diary, there are plenty of people on here who will help.
Day 11 no bet, do not want to either.
Thanks Ste, and good luck with your counselling.
Had a good day with my boy today. a play centre then something to eat. Realising what is important in my life.
Me and my wife are still apart and I have no idea what way that is going to go. I can only hope that in time I can show her how much I want to and have changed. If I can get an understanding of my mental health condition I can get a grip on the gambling, I know I can. What the future holds for us as a family only time will tell. I would not blame her never wanting to go back there again. We have both formed a pact to protect our boy who is 7 and autistic. We are happy mummy and daddy to him and on Weds we are all going on a pre booked holiday, so some nice time with our boy.
Day 12 no gambling, no desire to either.
Fun morning with the little guy. We are going out this afternoon for a wander. Good times, this is what life is about.
Keep going all.
Hi Ant
Good going on day 12 - sounds like your child is your world right now, exactly how it should be. Being free from the shackles of gambling let's us become human again, we genuinely interact with others, we no longer wear a mask and passively make our way through life.
Enjoy your afternoon wander too, just be on your guard in case your wander ends up as a subconscious wander to somewhere that might lead to greater temptation.
Stay safe and GF mate.
Thanks Steven
The only temptation I had was for an ice-cream with my boy and I gave in.
A nice afternoon. I am looking forward to many more.
Day 13 GF - no thoughts of betting at all.
my second session tomorrow and I am looking forward to it. I want to get to the bottom of my mind and my mental health issues.
I have no desire to gamble. Being found out was if if I could be free of it all. I just need to ensure that I get my mind in control and do not slip again next time there is a bad moment in my life.
I am just keeping busy and enjoying being me.
Keep going all.
Great to hear Ant 13 days gf what a feeling eh .I'm currently lieing next to my 18 month old little girl there's not a.better feeling my 3 year old.lad his in his bed fast asleep.these are the people.we should be spending our hard earned cash on and definitely our time on .all the money and time.spent on gambling can now.be put into our children keep.going pal your doing great
Day 14 GF - no desire to bet.
Cheers Tommy
Kids are certainly the best medicine. Great fun and I am enjoying life.
I have another counselling session today, will report back later.
Second bout of counselling today. It went well and I am looking forward to the remaining sessions.
They were explaining the bipolar 2 today.I think it is pretty clear to everyone, myself included, that I have it. If so, then so be it, and I will get through it. At least if I know what I have I can deal with it. That aside, I feel good and I am in a good place at the moment.
Keep your guard up mate, continue to take each day as it comes.
Pleased to hear the counselling is going well and that you are getting real benefit from it.
Take care and stay GF.
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