Get your kicks, on day 66 GF
Still a bit down. Saw doc today and was all ready to kick off about being ingnored. The psychotherapist has been on to them. They have now put my instructions to the psychiatrist as urgent. I thought urgent meant another 3 months, but nope, they said if I have heard nothing in 2 weeks then I need to contact the doctor again to push it. So, looks like things may move. Doc was a bit stunned that I had taken myself off my ante depressants but agrees it is for the best as they have been making me worse. It is all a bit hard to take in, half of me is scared by a bipolar diagnosis, I mean this is serious stuff. Then there is the stigma. But on the other hand I know what it is, I know I can get the help I need and live with it. I am still me, I just have bipolar as well. They all agree that medication is the must with me,and they are already suggesting therapy for 3 years at least? makes me wonder how bad I really am. But I am strong so let's do this.
Stay strong all.
Lulubobs1966 wrote:
it gives you gifts that others don’t have but yes unfortunately you also suffer.
Not sure what gifts it gives me to be honest?
69 - oooh matron - Days GF... No desire to bet.
Plodding along, staying busy, doing OK.
Stay strong all.
70 days GF - No desire to bet
10 weeks, no celebration. Life still ticking along, mental health slowly being sorted... Marriage basically over, so no celebration about losing the woman I loved.
Stay strong all.
Hi AntAnt
Well done on 7 weeks that is a fantastic achievement, just keep going and next stop will be 100 days just to take you into the new year.
Sorry to hear about the terrible impact this evil, evil addiction has had on your marriage. Look after yourself and take joy from having your son.
Muststop123
Day 72 GF - No desire to bet
Thanks for comments Muststop, appreciated.
Go my date the to see psychiatrist, 7th December. Now that was fast as I thought it would take months. I guess I am more crazy than I thought (joke). A bit nervous, but I am ready to do this. Let's get me sorted.
Stay strong all.
Day 77 GF - No desire to bet.
2 days away from my first session with psychiatrist.Bit unsure of what I am going into, but I need to do it.
All is good, I keep busy, I try to be positive, I read up on my condition so I can understand it.
Long way to go, Getting there
Stay strong all
Hiya ant great to see you posting I hope your are good my friend stay strong and keep going one day at a time .hope it goes well tomorrow keep in touch
Day 86 GF - no desire to bet.
Been tough of late. started with psychiatrist and have been diagnosed with PTSD. This is on top of my severe thought based OCD. At least it is not the suspected Bipolar that was diagnosed at first but has now been changed. The PTSD is still serious and started in my childhood. Trauma based therapy is now on the cards and they have explained it will be tough going. But I am ready for it, I want to get this sorted as best as I can.
Stay strong all.
Day 87 GF - No desire to bet.
Great morning watching the little guy in his nativity play. These are the best things in life, amazing how much more I enjoy them now.
Stay strong all.
Well done on 87 days GF, great going ...... good to see you enjoying the important things in life, something we dont do enough of while gripped by gambling ..... keep up the good work your doing great.
Thanks Chartom
Day by day, step by step. Getting there.
90 days GF - No desire to bet
I am doing OK. It is nearly Christmas and the little guy is getting excited. Took him to see Father Christmas yesterday and that was pretty cool. Things are still tough.My marriage is probably over, but at least my wife talks with me. It is heartbreaking to see how much I have hurt her.. Nothing we can do about the past sadly, we can only move forward. My next set of counseling starts in Kanuary.I also start trauma based therapy then. I will get there, as my thread title says 'I Am Determined.
Stay strong all.
94 Days GF -No desire to bet.
I have spent time learning about my diagnosis.I have Complex-PTSD, that relates to things in my childhood, and things I have bottled up along the way to today. Adding this to my Thought Based OCD is a real old cocktail. I have been reading about the link between PTSD and Gambling and I fall into many of its guises. Of course, I also need to accept responsibility for my actions and not blame everything on a mental health condition. That link however, has shown me why I turn to gambling when highly stressed (and it takes a lot of stress to get me there) So I can now work to finding ways to putting blocks in place to help me when I am so stressed. One thing is that I never turn to anyone for help, that is why this forum is so good for me as I can talk on here. I have real big social problems and I tend to get out of going places, talking to people etc. My mind is stuck in the fear I had in childhood and that has over time turned into not trusting most pople, family and friends included. It is very hard to explain it but that is how I am wired.So, having social and trust issues is not good for someone who needs to turn to others for help or go downhill.
Gamcare arranged therapy for me three months ago and I ended up seeing a pychopherapist. She has been amazing and she is peeling back my mind and showing me the trouble that it keeps hold of. It is emotional and it is very difficult as well. It is also helping me in a big way. My understanding is growing. The Complex-PTSD diagnosis was scary I admit, though Finally I have the answer to what is inside my head. I have had the PTSD and OCD since my early childhood, I have many many years to unravel. In two weeks I start trauma therapy. They have told me that it will be very harsh and emotional at first. Am I scared? Yep I am!, but I am also looking forward to it in a strange way. My conditions can be eased with therapy and maybe medication, the way that my brain thinks can be reversed, and for the first time ever in my life I am looking at the possibility that I can live in a nortmal way. My PTSD will never fully go, though it can be controlled and my ways of thinking can be set on the right paths. This also means I can change how I cope with things, not just gambling, but other things in my life.
Nothing happens overnight. It is a long journey and they are already saying they are looking at up to 3 years of on/off therapy with me. But being on the path of that journey is incredible. I have no idea where it will take me or what the outcome will be.I doubt I know what a normal life feels like? but I sure as hell want to try and find out. I will still be me, they just want to remove the demons and help me to understand things.
Now I would never have said any of this anywhere a short while back.So thank you all for this forum that really is helping my life. Thank you Gamcare.
Stay strong all
Ant
Day 95 GT - No desire to bet.
Just plodding on. Took little guy to park this morning, now going shops. Getting ready for Santa ho ho ho.
Take care all.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
