Hi
It is healthy to write down our expereinces to understand what is healthy or unhealthy.
May be people fear step 4 yet if you understand that fears of 4 is due to being punished for being honesta s a child.
The recovery program promotes and compliments our honesty.
The recovery program is about nurturing and encouraging being a healthy person.
By me being a healthy person I am far less likely to go against my own conscience.
The addictions and obsessions just indicated how emotionally vulnerable I use to be.
Once we are in recovery we understand it is not healthy to live in fear.
Abstaining from unhealthy habits is important for our recovery.
Once we are fearless it is so much easier to heal the hurt inner child in us.
It is not about blame or make excuses for our self from the past, it is about healing from the pains.
Money was not going to make me a happy person.
Money was not going to make me a healthy person.
Money was not going to make me a succesful person.
Having a diary helps us become more accountable to our self.
Having a diary helps us focus on our healthy needs.
Having a diary helps us focus on our healthy wants.
Having a diary helps us focus on our healthy goals.
Being accountable to our self is about honesty and our fearlessness.
Healing Love and peace to every one.
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham
188.
Better day today. Still emotional about my ex and her job situation. Nothing I can do about it though. This time it’s not my fault.
So today I learned something about myself. I’m super confident I will never gamble again. I know it. Today however I noticed that my Gamban subscription was only 6 months. Not sure how, but as soon as I noticed my brain thought about gambling. It was only a split second, and I instantly signed up to a 5 year Gamban subscription, but that scared me a little. As confident as I am, I just witnessed the demon poking its head up again. It was a test. I passed it with flying colours, but it was still a test and it’s the first big one I’ve faced. Felt strange to be so comfortable in my power over it, but to see it pop its head up and take over my brain even if it was for the shortest of time. Good lesson. Demon destroyed!
Just a gentle reminder that weakness could have got me today. Luckily I’m in a strong place. Luckily my hatred of gambling took over instantly. I felt dirty even having that thought.
Time for bed. Feeling a little happy with myself for having the resolve to deal with this thought so quickly. Temptation gone for 5 years.
Stay strong 💪
@p6z38njbqm Nice one fish. It is good to know how much 'in the zone' you still are. I found that my mind has a nasty trick of planning for opportunities to gamble against my better judgement.
As you said, you did pass with flying colours. However this did not just happen. It represents a lot of hard work and self realisation.
Sorry to hear about your Ex's job worries. It does not surprise me at all that you are feeling for her situation as you are a good man. You can still be a friend who supports her 😊
Fingers crossed that you will be still posting here is 5 years time when the next GamStop subscription runs out, motivating us all along our way.
189.
I will 100% be here in 5 years time. This place has got me this far. It will get me further. For anyone reading, this place is not a golden ticket. It’s not the magic fix some people want, but it is a massive step in the right direction and an unbelievable support if you are struggling. You still need to put in the work, but by speaking to others in here, taking their advice and often just being told you are doing well, you can get past the urges and tests.
Off to sleep now. Can barely keep my eyes open. Work again tomorrow. Yay 😂
Stay strong 💪
190.
Hanging. Early night. Nuff said!
No gambling, not thoughts
Stay strong 💪
Hi Fish,
Excellent to see you making serene progress still. The test you had earlier this week, I also had too and it does keep us on our toes, that is for sure.
As ever, an inspiring read and congrats on 190 days.
Jay
Thanks folks. Feedback always massively appreciated.
191.
no gambling concerns, but still feeling incredibly sad today for some reason. I get the feeling I’ll never find someone to share my life with again. Could someone ever really feel comfortable getting together with an ex gambler? Surely the concerns would always be there. I’m not looking for anyone, I’m enjoying my life, but I never envisioned my life as a single person forever. Has anyone on here found someone after beating this? I know, I’ll always have this addiction lingering and simmering in some small part of my head. I know I’ll never go back but could someone else believe that?
I suppose only time will tell. Will have to keep on enjoying my gamble free single life for a few years. No great loss. It is a lonely journey though.
Sob story over 😂
Stay strong 💪
192.
Lots of talk about coming clean in the chat room tonight. This is a major part of recovery in my opinion. It might not be for everyone though and I totally get that. Coming clean is the worst thing you will ever have to experience. Shame, embarrassment, horror. Emotions you never knew you had come flooding out. But it lifts a burden off your shoulder and forces you to face up to things. You can go it alone, and I know some people do, but I think having that secret out there starts you on your way in being secret free. We all know as gamblers we love a secret. Starting a new life as a non gambler is about getting rid of the secrets.
The majority of people get the support they need from partners, family and friends. Sometimes they don’t. It doesn’t matter. The fact you have started telling the truth is the important thing. For me, I didn’t work out. If I hadn’t come clean, it still wouldn’t have worked out. I would still be gambling probably. For others, the shame is too great and they want to do this alone. This can work too, but I still highly recommend telling someone. Just having 1 person know your secret will change your thinking about gambling and lies.
Everyone has their own journey, and own way of dealing with this, so don’t take my comments as the golden ticket. There is no golden ticket and we all have to navigate this our own way. Just know that the people who come to the chat rooms regularly, seem to be doing a great job of staying gf. There secret is out in there, they can speak freely with others in a similar position. If you are new, please come say hi. It does help.
Stay strong 💪
Coming clean i believe is a statement of intent, its a statement that you accept you have a problem and need help. In coming clean to partners or friends you are basically coming clean to yourself too, allowing you to fully concentrate on recovery.
If people saw the advantage fully of coming clean at the beginning they could save themselves many wasted days and possibly years and much heartache. Unfortunately we are nt usually the types to accept advice. I myself was too stubborn and thought i knew what would work for me, sadly i did not, but it took me many more years to realize that.
Weirdfish just by bringing up this topic has reinforced my view that you really do get this, and not only that but you have a great ability to be a conduit to others in sharing what you are picking up along the way.
As a forum we should be suggesting such topics to the moderators for the themed chats during the week.
Keep up the good work and best wishes in your own recovery.
@p6z38njbqm Hi Fish 🐟. My thoughts are, if you do meet someone new, you don’t have to sell your soul to them, not initially anyway I would say. I think the main thing and most important thing if you were to enter into a new relationship is to remain g.f. Whilst you are doing this, you are not hurting yourself or anyone else. I myself am just a very private person so for me personally, I would not want to share my gambling past with anyone new. Like I said, all that matters to you and whoever you meet, is that you stick to your plan and continue to distance yourself further and further from the one thing that lost you your last relationship. I say give it another six months and you will have women falling at your feet! 🤣☺️.
Have a lovely week ahead.
Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
Nicely put lids. It definitely is a statement of intent. I like that.
I can’t wait til the 6 months is up pinky 😂. I’m not looking for anyone, I was just having a sad day and wondering if the past gambling will impact my future.
193.
Swapped my nightshifts for day shifts this week as a friend had plans. Not complaining as one of the companies at work is celebrating tomorrow with free pizza to those who attend. I’ll be there!!
Nice to see a few people in the chat room tonight on day 1. Not nice that they are in this position, but nice to see them engaging and asking for help. Each one of us has a story to tell, and each one of us helps each other. Hearing about someone reaching 1000 days is so motivating, but hearing someone get through day 1 is equally as motivating. I’ve done the day 1. It’s tough, but it gets easier. Each day is a new day 1, but as you get more and more day 1s under your belt they change into days you enjoy, rather than days you wish would end. Stick at it. Be the next 1000 day clean guy. Then start again on day 1 with 1000 days experience!
Stay strong 💪
194.
Long tough day at work today. Really tough. 7 months ago I would have got home and poured a glass of wine and waited for my wife (now ex) to go to bed so I could escape the world in online slots. I didn’t need to, and deep down I knew it would not help, but I did it to decompress from the day. That was how I took my mind away from the stresses of the day. Ironically, it made the next day much worse 99% of the time.
Today I got home from work. I cooked some dinner, I caught up on a tv show I’ve been watching, I jumped into bed and spent an hour in the chat room here. I’m now going to read a book for a bit and then do it all again tomorrow. I don’t need to decompress from the day anymore as I now realise, it wasn’t the stress of work I was trying to erase. It was the actions of the previous nights gambling. I remember being at work thinking about how I would survive the month, how I couldn’t eat for the next few shifts as I had no money, how I would have to make an excuse to not go for a coffee with a workmate.
Tomorrow at work I will go for a coffee. I will buy a sandwich, I will enjoy my day (hopefully 😂), then I will come home, relax, have a glass of wine as I’m off the day after, and then go to bed happy.
Sounds like an idyllic life. It is. Amazing to think that that’s how non gamblers live everyday. The lucky sods! 😂. Now I’m becoming one of them. I’ve a non gambler. A normal person. Im still an addict, I just don’t gamble now, and I never will again.
Stay strong 💪
@p6z38njbqm What a lovely read Fish 🐟👌. Work can be hard these days for most people but as you said (and I have been there too), it can be 1000 times harder when we have been awake the whole of the previous evening, gambling all our money away, until we have been left with nothing!🙈. Just even typing this, six months further down the line, fills me with dread and horror and the very thought that I did this on many occasions!!
Like you, I am enjoying having money, every day, every week and every month 👌.
Hope to catch up on the chat for “Treat Thursday” this Thursday so may speak to you then.
Take care and may your tomorrow be better than today 🙏.
Your friend Pink Lady 🩷🍎.
195
You get this pinky and for so many others this part of the story is yours for the taking.
Being gamble free is a mindset. Battle thought that first month of hell, put the work in and then it gets easier. It’s still a struggle, but it’s a distant struggle.
Another tough day at work. Another day when I got back and just enjoyed not being at work. No gambling, no urges, glass of wine: bed
Stay strong 💪
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