Determined to keep a diary

@p6z38njbqm So proud and happy for you Fish.  It’s only what you deserve however, after putting in so much effort and hard work to remove yourself from the destructive gambling cycle that you were once on.

Have a lovely weekend.

Your friend Pink Lady 🩷🍎.

Thanks pinky - hope the newish job is going well

day 212

Ive been quite sad today. Not thinking about gambling, but thinking about what it does to others. I ruined my life. I accept that. It was me and my addiction and reluctance to seek help. I was more thinking about the others impacted. My ex had a husband, could see a future life. She doesn’t have that now. She will survive. She’s the strongest and most sensible person I know, but it’s unfair that this addiction takes so much from people who have nothing to do with it. Even those families who stay together. The trust is broken and needs to be rebuilt. It can be. I speak to many people who are going through this together, but it impacts partners in more ways than we can know. Gambling isn’t just about us, the gamblers, it’s about everyone who knows that person. My family now speak to me in a different way. More cautious around money and sport. I know they worry about me and probably chat about me behind closed doors. This has touched so many life’s in different ways. 

I hope everyone that I’ve impacted gets through this. I am going from strength to strength but this period of my life will stay with me forever emotionally.

stay strong 💪 

Hi Fish

You have done so well and I'm inspired by the fact that even though your wife could not forgive you (and of course all who have ever turned into a gambling monster understand this response from a loved one harmed by gambling) you still stuck to what you said and quit anyway. Despite being thrown into challenging circumstances due to the relationship breakdown. It would have been so easy and probably understandable to press the **** it button. What a strong man, and I am very struck as well by how much time you spend encouraging others and cheering them on. Star (also thinking of the other brilliant regulars on here too)! Peer support is the best thing ever. 

Thanks Roxy. Always nice to hear that. Peer support has been the lifeline I needed through this. It’s tough to do this with support so without is a living nightmare sometimes. Luckily this place has been my support. I’m in the chat rooms most nights and I can honestly stay it is with the support of everyone in here that I’ve got to this point.

Day 217.

Hard to imagine I was the person at the start of this journey. 7 months ago I ruined my previous life. Well, that’s not really true, I slowly ruined it for years prior to that. 7 months ago changed my life. That’s better and more truthful. I changed it in ways I had no control over. It changed me as a person. It changed others too, and for that I’ll always be regretful. Unfortunately gambling got in the way of my life. It provided me with a safe space to escape the world. It was all a con obviously, and it just created chaos. 

7 months later and my life is completely different. I’m a new person. I understand what it is to be a real human now. I can enjoy things. I can sleep. I can eat. I can put petrol in my car. I can enjoy the odd night out. Life is on the up both financially and emotionally. It’s not been pretty, and it shouldn’t have come to this. But it did. The only thing you can do when this happens is tackle it head on. Take the punches, accept your fate, and make changes to ensure you never hit that low again. The advice I received in here, from so many people, got me to this point. Even my ex wife’s actions in binning me got me to this point. Everything that has happened up until now has impacted how I’ve got to this point. The most important thing though was me. I had to change. I had to adapt, I had to want this. Nothing like being on the bring of losing almost everything to bring things into perspective. I didn’t lose everything. I’m still alive, although that was touch and go for a few nights. I lost everything else though. 

7 months is a long time. 7 months flew by. 7 months has given me so much back. No matter how low you are, you can’t predict the future. You can’t predict how your life will pan out, but I can testify that if you give it a chance and put in the hard work, you can be happy again. 

Stay strong 💪 

@p6z38njbqm swell said Fish 🐟👏👏👏

Pink Lady 🩷🍎