A little ditty for you I just made up..
( Sung to the Alicia Keyes song " When You're in New York" )
Volcano....a soup of suppy, magma and vee- room
Which will disappear soon
When you're in your house
Sunday mornings spent in IKEA
Neighbours bending your ear
When you're in your house ,your house your house.
One hand on a pine Billy bookcase
Two way Mirror lets you look at your cool face
Sultan mattresses that no bedding will fit
Hold your LED lamp in the air and then swear swear swear swear swear swear ..
When you're in your house!
Xxx
Come the f**k back ...blummin serenading ya now!
lol, you've just manage to *** a smile on this miserable mug. Thankyou so much.
Carla, your support means so much, more than you'll realise. With you completely in giving this recovery a chance.
Diary. Been slack of late and completely isolating cyberly and in 3d. Trying to shift a permanent slumping dark cloud. A complete head funk with nothing making sense and just going through the motions with work or my muddling life.
No gambling, drinking but doob keeping me under water. An escape plan hatched to get out of my environment but need to keep on working where i'd rather just say f***k it and run overseas or to 1 of my crutches.
Plod, plod plodding along, awaiting the shift.
YAAAY ....my p**d piper -ing worked!
Glad your back V...lots of people missed you I think. I can't hope to ever truly understand everything that you feel and go through with quitting these crutches but I can see that there are people on here who could walk that path with you who are in exactly the same position and value your cyber friendship.
Time to buddy up and let people in P...? ..seriously ..what have you got to loose? ..it's a win win all ways round and costs nothing.
Sermon over
R and D xx
Yeah guess we all get in that slump where them clouds darken our days. Just gotta look for something to tickle that funny bone a bit.
Or maybe this is more to your liking.
Big smile on this girl's face! (((((Paul)))))
Hey V
Good to see you back and posting!! Keep up keeping up..that's all we can do 🙂
Day at a time
S x
I don't know how but I just knew you'd be back this morning and I knew you'd be on board... and I'm so glad. Also glad to be some help as I'm always so full of self doubt which I sometimes express but more often don't (well... maybe more on here than in 3d). I know for me, and no doubt others, isolation breeds more isolation... dark feelings breed more. It's so easy to wallow in it. That's why it's such a fight with ourselves. We need to do the very things we resist the most. Proud of you. And proud of me. Carry on!
Hey Volcano
Thank you for your post..and just look at us girls giggling here around you 🙂
You have a fantastic soul and i am very happy to stand alongside you in this never ending battle
Be proud..if you will do it..i will do it too 🙂
Take care and be kind to yourself
Sandra x
As always Thankyou.
As miserable as, sat in Dr with pounding ear then off for my flat foot. Completely empty, tired of the bs my life has become. Thoughts about gambling or getting of my face, yet i know that ain't the answer. I would still be me!
Never talk about my depressive state to others, hide from pals when im down and never know when I'll reappear. Glass completely empty, sheety thoughts swirling round.
Tomorrow a while away
Yeah sometimes every day feels like a cr-ap day but they are what we make em out to be. Look more to the positves in your life cause yeah no matter how bad it seems it could be soooooo much worse.
Yup... I also hide my depressed state from others. Sometimes will express to friends that I'm having a bad day but never really exactly how bad.... just keep it quite superficial. I think most people don't really want to know/hear, at least not the details. For example, after so many years finally telling my sis I feel lonely which for me was a huge thing to do (and really, even on here was very hard to type the words)... always need to be the tough one. Feel like I can handle downers better than others can. Since telling her, it's never really come up again. And I'm glad to be honest. And I don't think it's that people don't care. They do. It's just that they feel powerless to help and in many ways, they are. They can only do so much. We need to learn to feel good within our own selves. And so much of it makes no sense to me. I feel lonely. I love being around people. People call me with various invitations and I decline. Crazy. Guess it's just that I don't like myself so much anymore. And I'd love a relationship with someone. It just would be nice to know that someone's got your back. Yet, I refuse to go anywhere near there... don't want to inflict myself on anybody.. and anyway, know that you "aren't supposed to" even entertain those ideas while in the thick of recovery.. and that makes sense. Can't look outside ourselves to fix what's wrong inside. Anyway... rattling on here... but also battling on... and you do too.
ANd.... fight that tendency to isolate. It think it's the worst thing you can do. Exercise!!! Even if only going for a walk (if you can with that foot issue).
Thanks Carla and Soul.
I hate dumping my miserable S***e on here never mind inflicting on pals. But I guess with here, it makes you sit up and realise there's many on similar stages of this recovery.
Can never truly isolate the way I dream off, that's my aim. Would be happy with a distance from 3d, just jumping in enough to keep my hand in.
Struggling with the question, if I was to master my own addictions! Would I be happy? probably not!! Sp today iv'e been thinking whats the point? A few near doorstep bookie thoughts as I wondered past numerous. Wouldn't of been for a numb out as couldn't be any numb as I feel right now.
Need to reignite that pilot light but no matches. I know this S***e will pass, I also know that my situation could be a lot worse. I'm just of existence, tired of the S***e and the games. Foooked with beating myself up and trying to drag my esteem to a decent level.
Im thinking thinking gambling but today I wont gamble, drink or doob.
Foots on the mend
Ive completely f****d up a lot in my past not only with my head.
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