Dormant

Dump, dump away. That's what this site is for. @#$!! Just lost the rest of my response.. Oh well... talk too much anyway. Hang in there.

100% with Carla there..DUMP dump dump it all here. We all have sh*tty days, and seems like have no drive to do anything, but hey...you..me and the rest are still trying...falling,crawling, sliding but still getting back on our feet and trying.

Keep believing in yourself

You can do it

Keep posting!!! Don't turn away...keep dumping man!!

Keep it up 😉

S x

Yeah guess I like to hide behind that face of a clown no matter how bad sh-it eats me up inside. Thinking It's the only thing that keeps me sane is laughing and guess when that stops I'd be one unholy rail exploding all over this earth. LOL guess we all have our own way of dealing with whats doled out on our plates. Hard act to swallow some days, much less keep down. Life seems to force feed us from its bowels way to often. LOL wish there was a easy way to sugar coat it all and who ever said we get in life no more than we can handle is a fricken inbesol. LOL LOL LOL wishing ya better days coming your way.

Poor me.

FFS. Have to snap out of this!

Hey V

Disclaimer "Don't shoot the messenger" ..

Sharing my experience here second hand from meetings as when a person had a dose of the poor me's the response was " maybe you're not in enough pain yet"

It will only be a sustained period of quitting all your crutches that will bring about the pain that these things are masking and take you to the rockbottom in order for you to then "go up"

Without this it will be a cycle of treading water which takes a lot of energy to do and is keeping you flatlining and depressed and in a fog.

I'm not suggesting you do this alone as you will need support not just from one area but a whole package of support....there will never be a right time to do it as we all want to put off what is scary to us.

I am powerless to help you but I can pass on only what i have seen others in your situation being helped by,

R and D xx

Ps...

Sending you a fitting link...it will either make you smile or want to punch me..either way it's a win/ win as it will stop you being depressed for about 3mins 48 seconds..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzCvNwc66hI&sns=em

If you're a miserable f****r , accept it and be the best miserable f****r in town..lol xxx

Well, if you're abstaining it's normal to feel extremely blech so just wrap your arms around yourself and hug. You will feel worse before you feel better. Do whatever you can to distract yourself. Just don't you dare disappear on us again! More from me later. Managed to get in to doc today so I've gotta go.

((((Paul)))) I'm not sure what to say. Slowly, very slowly starting to feel a bit of clarity coming into this thick skull and I want it for you too, but as Rach said, only you can do it and we can only support. And you do have to want it bad enough which usually comes from feeling pretty d**n low. And you can't do it alone. Do feel free to ask the gamcare folk for my email if you want.... anytime. Also hard to advise not knowing what you've done so far. You spoke of seeing an addictions counsellor... of gym thing... of GP but no news on what's been done or planned except that your foot is being treated. Have you talked to doc about antidepressants? I know way back when I was considering it you made a comment of "we put enough S***e in our bodies". I understood where you were coming from as I felt the same. I've resisted taking them for a long while but finally thought I have to give them another chance. And my doc prescribed the one that's used as both a smoking cessation aid as well as an antidepressant (it's called wellbutrin). Well, it was prescribed for me as an antidepressant but I am suspecting that it's helping me more with the addictions than the depression. You prob have the same or a similar drug there. Maybe consider it or at least talk to your doc about it? Rach also made a comment a few posts back about maybe it's time to "let somebody in"? And then also how you'd need a whole team of support. You do need to draw on the resources available to you. The emotions.... oh boy. Have you talked to an addictions counsellor? Therapist? Do you have a good buddy who knows how to listen and support? (but do be careful who you choose)... I know how very hard I find it to talk about emotional things. I think it's gotta be oh so much worse for you males who've been socialized into an unrealistic and unhealthy idea of what a "man" is and most esp with regards to emotions and feelings. And, most likely a whole lot of emotions centering on family...But I think that's exactly what you'll be needing to face in the near future. Our brains need to offload emotions to function properly... really! You don't have a realistic picture of who you are or of how good life could be (and I'm not trying to lecture here 'cause I don't know either... I'm just operating on a lot of hope and faith). You say things like "I'd still have to be me" and yes you would but from what I and others see, you seem to be a pretty fine specimen with some wonderful characterics.... your heart, for one. Deny it as much as you want but I know you have a f*****g big one. You like to hide away but I've noticed that when someone is really, really in a bad way, you appear and support them and i'm positive that you'd prefer to hide but your caring nature won't let you when you see real pain. You are creative and imaginative as can be seen in your writing style and you also have a wonderful sense of humour. You are a very unique individual. As Sandra said, look how you get all the ladies going on this forum! Fight, Paul, with all you've got. And that means doing a bit of planning. As they say, failing to plan is planning to fail. It won't happen magically. I can only tell you what's helping me... long walks with my ipod on, or even exercising at home with my ipod on, eating kilos and kilos of sunflower seeds (keeps you very busy... unsalted), chewing gum (don't usually do this but it's something other than drink, doob or cig in my mouth), fidget toys, exploring all those links on the thread Blondie started for what has helped you in recovery... Try things, find things that work for you. Recovery is bespoke, right?! And you'll likely slip and slide. so what! you've been on the forum for 3 years? So what! (And by the way, I've been here for 6 years, had troubles before that and am only just now starting into real recovery. You just must try... try and try... try and try. Plan. baby step. Plan more. baby step. You can do this. you are worth it. Ok, ok. I'll shut up now. Wish I could give you a real hug.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBecM3CQVD8

Just read all that and have to really laugh at myself. "I don't know what to say"....hahahaha "I don't want to lecture"... hahahaha and "Failing to plan is planning to fail" GROOOOOAAAAAAAN

Hope it helps that I mean well.

The honourable Paul

Fella it has all been said here by some fantastic members in the past few days.

To which i simply add this

It's unconditional

Be kind to yourself

Duncs stepping forward never back

Quite like being called a "top lass"... sounds so much better than just a nice lady! Thanks for that.

Thankyou Top lass and top man Duncs.

Hello Diary,

Very half hearted in anything I do still, waiting for things to happen with out the necessary actions. Quiet weekend, worked Saturday, no gambling, a lal drink but doob keeping me under water. No doubt adding to my feel of emptiness

Tax bill rearing its head again and now to agree a payment plan, still spewing on this one! Thought I was whiter than white...f****k! New abode going on slowly and few ticks to get this week.

New week to get through and counting days to a break.

Onwards albeit slowly

One of my all time favourite band, Pink Floyd! And, there's a shop not far from my home called "When Pigs Fly".... funny.

What's lal mean? Guessing here but thinking "little bit of" ??

Maybe you can get your employer to start deducting more tax monthly? Or are you self employed and responsible for that yourself? Hate tax. Got myself in trouble about that for a couple of years but it's sorted now.

TY Top lass

Morning Diary...

Spewing with the tax, 25k and they want it now!!! Foookerty, f***k. Tossing and turning all night, offered a payment plan, only to be rejected! Thoughts of a big wager to try and drag myself out of this S***e, feel more trapped then ever with the added b/s of work. Steuggle on the only way forward but f***k im thinking of every get out possible.

A real cynical, f**k it head! Went to addiction counsellor last night, wondering what the f***k am I doing here?

Need to get out of this mud sliding hole. Facing things head on but truthfully just want to run....

Hey V

Been in your shoes albeit for less money but still was a hell.

The support helpline number is 0300 200 3835 when you are unable to pay HMRC tax or through Step-change.

I would give them a ring .

Firstly what happens in the non payment of the debt it goes by way of all debts, is passed onto debt agencies and interest applied etc but tax debts are considered more of a priority than unsecured debts .

In the even of the debt passed to agency then the usual interest charges apply probably higher.

Could you ask for help from your folks in the from of a loan that you pay back to them month by month.? This seems the best route as then you can still purchase your home and get the tax off your back and truthfully you getting a stable roof over your head and away from where you are is priority.

I know this will in Involve you dropping pride of self sufficiency but sadly it's a luxury you can't afford right now as you need help and again as you know I've also been there.

If you do go down the payoff route see if the HMRC have a bottom line offer for a one off payment which may be lower than 25k .

If you were going to continue to rent and not buy then bankruptcy would be the best option but as you are part way buying a house that may not be the best option as your mortgage offer could be affected along with your credit rating . Timing is key here and I am unsure if tax debts can be converted into a secured debt or CCJ against a property.

Whichever way,..take proper advice and explore all options before you pay anything. I am sure that so long as you pay something then you are somehow protected.

Also don't be paying middle men to sort this out as they will also charge you through the nose. This seems to be a London thing whereas up here where we are all poor we have to deal direct. There are organisations out there that give you free advice and can guide you through the process.

If it were me I'd take a day off from work and make phone call after phone call until you get the proper advice and get it all written down rather than trying to snatch calls whilst your at work ...maybe jump on a train and do it from the comfort of your folks. Tell them and ask for help. I have a feeling they will be hurt if you DIDNT ask them for help.

R and D. ...xxxxx