Easy does it!

A realisation I had today was all the time I gambled I used to say it ain't really me etc. I used to distance myself from the gambling and therefore did not own my own actions. This possibly enabled me to gamble for much longer than I wanted to. Today I own my actions and live by them. If I screw up then it's me that screws up and it's me who has to pick up the pieces. I am in a much better frame of mind from my gambling days and long may it last. I look no further than today as today is the only one anyone of us have. Enjoy your day even if it isn't great. Sounds daft but the bad ones make the good ones seem better

Take care

Yo,

Soooooo did the same thing. Like looking down at myself, at times shocked, really shocked at what that person had done . One day woke up, and realised that person was me . From that day forth I can honestly say I have never once looked at myself from on high.

From there the first real step on the recovery road, the journey continues ........

Take care ...

Shiny xxxx

Good to hear from you Shiny, still remember posting most days and waiting for your good self to appear with a comment or two but no diary of your own. Now look at you!

Hope all is good

Take care

I read more than post nowadays but what I read is as important to me as the first time I stumbled hopelessly upon this site. If this site did not exist I would be in deep trouble of that I'm sure. I struggled at first and was frustrated at some people because recovery, to them, seemed to come naturally. In fact I hated these people and thought they couldn't be real addicts as they are not in as much pain as me. I now understand where I was and where I am at present. Recovery is an individual journey that we must all take on our own. It hasn't been easy to get recovery but boy is it worth it! I do not wake up in the mornings thinking how can I swap this money round and pay this bill, you know the drill. Recovery is about moving forward sometimes very slowly but forward is the only way to go. I think about bookies every now and then and have to really think hard to accept it was once my playground. Now I would not be seen dead in one of those places. Never thought I would get to this stage in recovery but I have with thanks and gratitude to this site. If you are struggling do what you have to do to get by without gambling. The urges pass and become less frequent every time you beat an urge you become stronger. Urges are actually OK it is the acting upon them that is the trouble. Hope you all have a good day and take care

smiler

Simply to say great post today my friend, thanks for sharing, it really did make me think about how my own ignorance towards recovery did effect it.

Lesson learnt

Again thankyou

Duncs stepping forward never back

I just copied and pasted my first ever post on this site from Summer 2008. I have travelled a fair way in recovery and it gave me a reality check when I read this. I take nothing for granted as I am one bet away from the hell that wants me back. I question myself and keep vigilant. It is good to look back and see where I came from but not going to dwell on it.

It's a funny old game as this still doesn't feel real to me. I am 3 or 4 days into recovery and I am struggling at times. My urge tells me that one little go won't hurt as I'll only lose £20. That's my downfall as I lose everything and then visit banks etc for more cash and before I know where I am the guilt is back sitting pretty on m shoulders. I have never been this serious about beating or learning to live with this addiction. Every time I get the urge I think to myself I don't want to let anyone on this site down.I know how easy it would be to just go and have one slip, then come on here and say "poor me". However that is not my style. I'm not perfect and never will be, but a life free from compulsion should be nice.

hi smilar , thanks for your comments , they have helped as also have others , today before i read your thread i decided that i am not gonna count the days anymore that i have been gamble free for, i may look back in my diary now and then and work out how many days i have gone in total but not state this on a daily basis , as i think this is putting pressure on myself to get to a certain amount of days in the same way as we use to think when gambling if i win this amount of money then ill stop, also i think that ive started to think i need to get a certain amount of days under my belt and not stop stopping, but then i will be satisfied with that amount of days gamble free but then the pressure would then be on for more days and as this is added pressure i think it best just to go a day at a time and like i say just add the days up now and then using the first day of my first post to work out how many days in total i have gone to congratulate myself . but after reading your last post this is defo what i need to do , so today is a gamble free day , and tomorrow, tomorrow will be another one and i will think about the others when they come along , and you are right we must always be vigilant as we are all only one bet away from hell , thanks again simon

Driving back home this morning and the voice of my addictive personality tells me a little bet would be good! No idea where it came from and I shrugged it off. Never thought anymore of it but it tells me I have to be on my guard. It is a mental illness that preys on your mind if you let slip. I am now strong enough in recovery to laugh it off but trust me it is serious stuff we are dealing with. Logically thinking I don't even fancy a bet as I have money if I need any sitting in the bank. There was something bugging me last night and I awoke in the night alarmed so maybe it was a run and hide moment!!

Thought I'd share it anyhow and the problem last night is nothing at all but I like to worry I guess!

Take care

I see traits I have in my daughter and often wonder will she have the same addictive personality as I do! Is there anything I can do I ask myself. Acceptance is the key, whatever will be will be. I can only guide her and show her right from wrong. She has to make the right choices in her life. For many a year I have battled addiction on one level or another and haven't really took time to appreciate my family. By goodness I have struggled for as long as I can remember against addiction. I am now in a place, in my mind, where I have it where it should be. I love my family more than anything and hopefully will go from strength to strength with them by my side. I cannot wait till the warm summer sunshine so we can go outside after school and play. Roll on the good times! There is a solution to your problem just keep it simple and you will find your way. There is no short cut to recovery you just have to go with it. The journey is incredible as we learn about ourselves as we step forward. Take care

Work has now become my new addiction. Not a bad problem to have I hear you say. Believe me it is. I am now obsessed with what I do, seven days a week. Trying to get some control on it and I promise myself I'll take no more on and then I justify it by saying it may go quiet in a few weeks. Frustrating...really frustrating! No gambling which is a god thing but I want to get a life. This is madness! I have an illness of the mind and I need to learn to control it! Take care Reading that back makes me look like I've been drinking but I'm also 15 years+ into recovery from booze!

Hi

I have just been reading your diary. I enjoy your writing style and the depth in your posts. Congratulation on paying off your credit card. I am aiming to be debt free (excluding my student loan.) by the end of the summer. It's great that you can just laugh off thoughts of gambling now. I wish it was that easy for me. I refuse to give up on my recovery and strong characters and diaries on this forum are help to inspire me. Channelling your addictive personality into your work isn't a bad thing. Just take a holiday now an again, if you can. Keep on smiling.

West

i can't take this addiction with a pinch of salt either

i've been bitten too many times but am trying to learn

know i've got to keep learning

thanks for the reminder smiler and westsider

This addiction is madness! I was driving past a bookies and looked in and the thought £100 bet wouldn't hurt? No idea where it came from but I knew where it was going! I would be ill if I gave any money to this addiction. It is my mind that thinks these thoughts but not from my conscious mind. I have to own my actions and thoughts as they are a part of me. It is tough at times but it gets easier to push the urges to one side. Just put some cash into my wife's account and it feels good to be able to do this rather than making up daft stories to cover gambling. Truth is since I have sorted finances out I am finding it difficult to keep straight. How I managed whilst gambling to cover up is nye on a miracle. Only we know as the liar what is really going on when we are in action. Without the lies there is no stress. My life is easier today of that I do know! Take care

Smiler

Fella a great contribution you continue to gift not just your own recovery my friend but that of many others too.

I wrote this week about recovery being something that evolves, what works at the beginning may not work forever and in the same breathe what works after a prolonged period of abstinence may read as insane to someone who has just set out on their own journey.

I know how important it is to keep addiction in front of me today, that way I can see it for what it is.

You helped me to do that.

For it I will be eternally grateful.

Keep up the good work fella, never forgetting that for us there simply is no such thing as a 'quick oner!!!'

Duncs stepping forward never back.

If you are truly serious about giving up/or getting into serious recovery I suggest you self exclude from all gambling establishments! Please don't say there are too many as you can exclude from one chain in one go. It will save you from future heartache if you do this simple task tomorrow. I read on here time and time again how people want to stop but after a few days they gamble! I was the same until I got serious! Take care