Easy enough to say

So 6 days since last gambling activity. 

Feeling stronger each day.

I have been very very busy and that has helped but I'm worn out.

I can go weeks with no money and gambling is a second thought. As soon as I have money (payday monthly) it all gets lost that day. Often between it going in at midnight and me leaving for work at 5am. It’s soul destroying and some… 

6 days is great, keep it up and get stronger daily. I’ll use you and your story as a template for myself. I’m now 4 days and counting. Hope to make it to 100 with support from people with similar issues on this forum ?

@timeforchange22 

Oh hi

I was worried about you. So glad you're talking again. Yes please let's Buddy up and help each other. I get paid Friday each week and yes I have often lost it all within hours of it being in my account. This week I got extra coming because I worked an extra shift. 

When is your next pay day?

Let's see if we can come up with a way to protect some if not all your wages.  Theres got to be something you can do. ?

Day 7

Feeling very tired despite sleeping 8 and half hours. And feeling quite down. But dont think its gambling related. I dont spend a lot of time analysing myself, think I'm scared of what I might find. I do know I'm feeling a bit shi**y about my actions monday night. It was my daughters wedding , I was in serious sleep debt not just from missing a nights sleep but also from 3 waking night shifts just before, I had some to drink but wouldn't have considered myself wasted. Anyway I had a go at my son in law, I cant remember exactly what I said but along the lines of he better step up and treat her right or I would be on his case, anyway he told his parents I'd threatened him and my family had to step in and hush it all down. My youngest daughter then put me to bed and I slept for 2 hours and then rejoined the bridal party for the rest of the evening feeling fine and unaware I'd done anything to upset anyone.

Thing is although I'm ashamed of my actions I dont regret what I said, it was a long time coming, I only regret that I said it on their wedding night and under the influence of drink. 

Anyway all this is a long complicated issue and one I'm probably going to have to deal with in therapy of some sort but it's not all a reason or excuse for gambling.

I havent had any strong urges to gamble although I've thought about the issue of gambling quite often over the last week. 

I put gamban on my phone last night, signed up for 5years and immediately it was o  checked it actually works, it does. I cant uninstall it and it wont let me open any casino sites. Brilliant.  But then although feeling the relief of that's it then I also felt a little sadness. Almost like losing a friend but it has never been a friend. Makes me wonder did I plan to gamble again, try to win back some of what I've lost? And now that hope has gone?

When I was gambling I was dealing with the huge disappointment and panic, like living in terror. It was overriding every other worry or anxiety that is going on. Now I have the loss of money to deal with and the struggle ahead of me to regain financial control and other issues in my life now seem much bigger. I guess that gives me a clue that gambling was a means of escape. That escape has gone and I dont want it back but I'm left feeling sad and tired from it all.

I am physically poorly at the moment as in I have a heavy cold and a bad tummy so at least to my family I can hide behind that as I'm definitely not my usual self. 

I've signed up for a course on here and am looking forward to starting that. 

I'm going to be on my own almost totally now for the next 72 odd hours, working waking night shifts and sleeping in between  so I shall be on this site a lot throughout it. 

Catch you later

Constance 

Day 7

Feeling very tired despite sleeping 8 and half hours. And feeling quite down. But dont think its gambling related. I dont spend a lot of time analysing myself, think I'm scared of what I might find. I do know I'm feeling a bit shi**y about my actions monday night. It was my daughters wedding , I was in serious sleep debt not just from missing a nights sleep but also from 3 waking night shifts just before, I had some to drink but wouldn't have considered myself wasted. Anyway I had a go at my son in law, I cant remember exactly what I said but along the lines of he better step up and treat her right or I would be on his case, anyway he told his parents I'd threatened him and my family had to step in and hush it all down. My youngest daughter then put me to bed and I slept for 2 hours and then rejoined the bridal party for the rest of the evening feeling fine and unaware I'd done anything to upset anyone.

Thing is although I'm ashamed of my actions I dont regret what I said, it was a long time coming, I only regret that I said it on their wedding night and under the influence of drink. 

Anyway all this is a long complicated issue and one I'm probably going to have to deal with in therapy of some sort but it's not all a reason or excuse for gambling.

I havent had any strong urges to gamble although I've thought about the issue of gambling quite often over the last week. 

I put gamban on my phone last night, signed up for 5years and immediately it was o  checked it actually works, it does. I cant uninstall it and it wont let me open any casino sites. Brilliant.  But then although feeling the relief of that's it then I also felt a little sadness. Almost like losing a friend but it has never been a friend. Makes me wonder did I plan to gamble again, try to win back some of what I've lost? And now that hope has gone?

When I was gambling I was dealing with the huge disappointment and panic, like living in terror. It was overriding every other worry or anxiety that is going on. Now I have the loss of money to deal with and the struggle ahead of me to regain financial control and other issues in my life now seem much bigger. I guess that gives me a clue that gambling was a means of escape. That escape has gone and I dont want it back but I'm left feeling sad and tired from it all.

I am physically poorly at the moment as in I have a heavy cold and a bad tummy so at least to my family I can hide behind that as I'm definitely not my usual self. 

I've signed up for a course on here and am looking forward to starting that. 

I'm going to be on my own almost totally now for the next 72 odd hours, working waking night shifts and sleeping in between  so I shall be on this site a lot throughout it. 

Catch you later

Constance 

Day 7

Feeling very tired despite sleeping 8 and half hours. And feeling quite down. But dont think its gambling related. I dont spend a lot of time analysing myself, think I'm scared of what I might find. I do know I'm feeling a bit shi**y about my actions monday night. It was my daughters wedding , I was in serious sleep debt not just from missing a nights sleep but also from 3 waking night shifts just before, I had some to drink but wouldn't have considered myself wasted. Anyway I had a go at my son in law, I cant remember exactly what I said but along the lines of he better step up and treat her right or I would be on his case, anyway he told his parents I'd threatened him and my family had to step in and hush it all down. My youngest daughter then put me to bed and I slept for 2 hours and then rejoined the bridal party for the rest of the evening feeling fine and unaware I'd done anything to upset anyone.

Thing is although I'm ashamed of my actions I dont regret what I said, it was a long time coming, I only regret that I said it on their wedding night and under the influence of drink. 

Anyway all this is a long complicated issue and one I'm probably going to have to deal with in therapy of some sort but it's not all a reason or excuse for gambling.

I havent had any strong urges to gamble although I've thought about the issue of gambling quite often over the last week. 

I put gamban on my phone last night, signed up for 5years and immediately it was o  checked it actually works, it does. I cant uninstall it and it wont let me open any casino sites. Brilliant.  But then although feeling the relief of that's it then I also felt a little sadness. Almost like losing a friend but it has never been a friend. Makes me wonder did I plan to gamble again, try to win back some of what I've lost? And now that hope has gone?

When I was gambling I was dealing with the huge disappointment and panic, like living in terror. It was overriding every other worry or anxiety that is going on. Now I have the loss of money to deal with and the struggle ahead of me to regain financial control and other issues in my life now seem much bigger. I guess that gives me a clue that gambling was a means of escape. That escape has gone and I dont want it back but I'm left feeling sad and tired from it all.

I am physically poorly at the moment as in I have a heavy cold and a bad tummy so at least to my family I can hide behind that as I'm definitely not my usual self. 

I've signed up for a course on here and am looking forward to starting that. 

I'm going to be on my own almost totally now for the next 72 odd hours, working waking night shifts and sleeping in between  so I shall be on this site a lot throughout it. 

Catch you later

Constance 

Day 7

Feeling very tired despite sleeping 8 and half hours. And feeling quite down. But dont think its gambling related. I dont spend a lot of time analysing myself, think I'm scared of what I might find. I do know I'm feeling a bit shi**y about my actions monday night. It was my daughters wedding , I was in serious sleep debt not just from missing a nights sleep but also from 3 waking night shifts just before, I had some to drink but wouldn't have considered myself wasted. Anyway I had a go at my son in law, I cant remember exactly what I said but along the lines of he better step up and treat her right or I would be on his case, anyway he told his parents I'd threatened him and my family had to step in and hush it all down. My youngest daughter then put me to bed and I slept for 2 hours and then rejoined the bridal party for the rest of the evening feeling fine and unaware I'd done anything to upset anyone.

Thing is although I'm ashamed of my actions I dont regret what I said, it was a long time coming, I only regret that I said it on their wedding night and under the influence of drink. 

Anyway all this is a long complicated issue and one I'm probably going to have to deal with in therapy of some sort but it's not all a reason or excuse for gambling.

I havent had any strong urges to gamble although I've thought about the issue of gambling quite often over the last week. 

I put gamban on my phone last night, signed up for 5years and immediately it was o  checked it actually works, it does. I cant uninstall it and it wont let me open any casino sites. Brilliant.  But then although feeling the relief of that's it then I also felt a little sadness. Almost like losing a friend but it has never been a friend. Makes me wonder did I plan to gamble again, try to win back some of what I've lost? And now that hope has gone?

When I was gambling I was dealing with the huge disappointment and panic, like living in terror. It was overriding every other worry or anxiety that is going on. Now I have the loss of money to deal with and the struggle ahead of me to regain financial control and other issues in my life now seem much bigger. I guess that gives me a clue that gambling was a means of escape. That escape has gone and I dont want it back but I'm left feeling sad and tired from it all.

I am physically poorly at the moment as in I have a heavy cold and a bad tummy so at least to my family I can hide behind that as I'm definitely not my usual self. 

I've signed up for a course on here and am looking forward to starting that. 

I'm going to be on my own almost totally now for the next 72 odd hours, working waking night shifts and sleeping in between  so I shall be on this site a lot throughout it. 

Catch you later

Constance 

Still Day 7. Just been on the group chat which was really good. It was over too quickly. 

Still feeling blue. I've had a little cry and for me that's a good thing. 

No urge whatsoever to gamble. 

I cant gamble now and I'm glad about that. I'm in a low place but I know things will get better now day by day.

Wow

I've been locked out of my account all this time so couldnt get on here to update.

Just read back through all that I wrote. I was in a bad way. One month on now still gamble free and in such a better place I'd almost forgot how bad I was.

I'm still getting occasional urges to gamble but find distractions to take me mind off it til the urge passes.

I've started the CBT game change course which is brilliant. 

Financially I'm stable again, and I've treated myself to a small gift to celebrate one month GF, a journal and a pretty pen. 

Of course I dont have any savings left but I am now able to start thinking about starting a saving plan again. I'm feeling better about myself too. 

I cant believe what a difference one month has made. I'm no longer living in fear and panic.

Feeling good, feeling positive. 

Constance