Easy enough to say

Hi

For me living in any kind of fear was not healthy for me.

Fears lead to feelings of panic and anxiety.

When in action I use to blank out the fact I was living in fear and pain most of the time. 

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

Hi

By me saying I will never gamble again made my recovery harder than it should be.

By me saying I will not gamble just for today makes it simpler and easier.

Trying to take the rest of my whole life on causes more stress up on myself.

Baby steps just for today I will not gamble was so much simpler and easier for me.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

Hi

I lacked faith confidence trust in myself walking in to the recovery program.

As I reduced my lies there was less fear in me.

The person I feared facing the most was myself.

Living in fear was not healthy for me.

My fears caused anxiety, stress depression and panic in me.

I use to say that people life and situations stressed me out.

The truth was I could not cope emotionally when I was consumed by my addictions and my obsessions.

The more I got honest with myself only than I could get honest with other people.

Therapies got me used to being honest and more open.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

Hi

Just for today only I am not  putting myself through this pain again.

Just for today I will not live in the past but will learn from it.

My emotional triggers were my unhealthy pains unhealthy fear unhealthy frustrations unhealthy loneliness and unhealthy boredom.

Healing my pains became so much easier.

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

Hi

If you do want to really stop honestly it is going to happen for you.

Recovery is about healing our pains.

Recovery is also about making healthier choices each day.

It was hard for me to write down my daily needs, to write down my daily wants, and my daily gaols.

Then once I got those things done cross them out.

Self excluded from every gambling establishment is a very healthy choice to make and do..

In time you will  have healthy friends and healthy hobbies.

It is your choice.

Being a loner indicated how much fear I was living in.

Being a loner indicated how many trust issues I had.

For me gambling and binge eating indicated how unhealthy I was.

For me my urges were my emotional triggers..

Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham UK

So 6 days since last gambling activity. 

Feeling stronger each day.

I have been very very busy and that has helped but I'm worn out.

I can go weeks with no money and gambling is a second thought. As soon as I have money (payday monthly) it all gets lost that day. Often between it going in at midnight and me leaving for work at 5am. It’s soul destroying and some… 

6 days is great, keep it up and get stronger daily. I’ll use you and your story as a template for myself. I’m now 4 days and counting. Hope to make it to 100 with support from people with similar issues on this forum ?

@timeforchange22 

Oh hi

I was worried about you. So glad you're talking again. Yes please let's Buddy up and help each other. I get paid Friday each week and yes I have often lost it all within hours of it being in my account. This week I got extra coming because I worked an extra shift. 

When is your next pay day?

Let's see if we can come up with a way to protect some if not all your wages.  Theres got to be something you can do. ?

Day 7

Feeling very tired despite sleeping 8 and half hours. And feeling quite down. But dont think its gambling related. I dont spend a lot of time analysing myself, think I'm scared of what I might find. I do know I'm feeling a bit shi**y about my actions monday night. It was my daughters wedding , I was in serious sleep debt not just from missing a nights sleep but also from 3 waking night shifts just before, I had some to drink but wouldn't have considered myself wasted. Anyway I had a go at my son in law, I cant remember exactly what I said but along the lines of he better step up and treat her right or I would be on his case, anyway he told his parents I'd threatened him and my family had to step in and hush it all down. My youngest daughter then put me to bed and I slept for 2 hours and then rejoined the bridal party for the rest of the evening feeling fine and unaware I'd done anything to upset anyone.

Thing is although I'm ashamed of my actions I dont regret what I said, it was a long time coming, I only regret that I said it on their wedding night and under the influence of drink. 

Anyway all this is a long complicated issue and one I'm probably going to have to deal with in therapy of some sort but it's not all a reason or excuse for gambling.

I havent had any strong urges to gamble although I've thought about the issue of gambling quite often over the last week. 

I put gamban on my phone last night, signed up for 5years and immediately it was o  checked it actually works, it does. I cant uninstall it and it wont let me open any casino sites. Brilliant.  But then although feeling the relief of that's it then I also felt a little sadness. Almost like losing a friend but it has never been a friend. Makes me wonder did I plan to gamble again, try to win back some of what I've lost? And now that hope has gone?

When I was gambling I was dealing with the huge disappointment and panic, like living in terror. It was overriding every other worry or anxiety that is going on. Now I have the loss of money to deal with and the struggle ahead of me to regain financial control and other issues in my life now seem much bigger. I guess that gives me a clue that gambling was a means of escape. That escape has gone and I dont want it back but I'm left feeling sad and tired from it all.

I am physically poorly at the moment as in I have a heavy cold and a bad tummy so at least to my family I can hide behind that as I'm definitely not my usual self. 

I've signed up for a course on here and am looking forward to starting that. 

I'm going to be on my own almost totally now for the next 72 odd hours, working waking night shifts and sleeping in between  so I shall be on this site a lot throughout it. 

Catch you later

Constance 

Day 7

Feeling very tired despite sleeping 8 and half hours. And feeling quite down. But dont think its gambling related. I dont spend a lot of time analysing myself, think I'm scared of what I might find. I do know I'm feeling a bit shi**y about my actions monday night. It was my daughters wedding , I was in serious sleep debt not just from missing a nights sleep but also from 3 waking night shifts just before, I had some to drink but wouldn't have considered myself wasted. Anyway I had a go at my son in law, I cant remember exactly what I said but along the lines of he better step up and treat her right or I would be on his case, anyway he told his parents I'd threatened him and my family had to step in and hush it all down. My youngest daughter then put me to bed and I slept for 2 hours and then rejoined the bridal party for the rest of the evening feeling fine and unaware I'd done anything to upset anyone.

Thing is although I'm ashamed of my actions I dont regret what I said, it was a long time coming, I only regret that I said it on their wedding night and under the influence of drink. 

Anyway all this is a long complicated issue and one I'm probably going to have to deal with in therapy of some sort but it's not all a reason or excuse for gambling.

I havent had any strong urges to gamble although I've thought about the issue of gambling quite often over the last week. 

I put gamban on my phone last night, signed up for 5years and immediately it was o  checked it actually works, it does. I cant uninstall it and it wont let me open any casino sites. Brilliant.  But then although feeling the relief of that's it then I also felt a little sadness. Almost like losing a friend but it has never been a friend. Makes me wonder did I plan to gamble again, try to win back some of what I've lost? And now that hope has gone?

When I was gambling I was dealing with the huge disappointment and panic, like living in terror. It was overriding every other worry or anxiety that is going on. Now I have the loss of money to deal with and the struggle ahead of me to regain financial control and other issues in my life now seem much bigger. I guess that gives me a clue that gambling was a means of escape. That escape has gone and I dont want it back but I'm left feeling sad and tired from it all.

I am physically poorly at the moment as in I have a heavy cold and a bad tummy so at least to my family I can hide behind that as I'm definitely not my usual self. 

I've signed up for a course on here and am looking forward to starting that. 

I'm going to be on my own almost totally now for the next 72 odd hours, working waking night shifts and sleeping in between  so I shall be on this site a lot throughout it. 

Catch you later

Constance 

Day 7

Feeling very tired despite sleeping 8 and half hours. And feeling quite down. But dont think its gambling related. I dont spend a lot of time analysing myself, think I'm scared of what I might find. I do know I'm feeling a bit shi**y about my actions monday night. It was my daughters wedding , I was in serious sleep debt not just from missing a nights sleep but also from 3 waking night shifts just before, I had some to drink but wouldn't have considered myself wasted. Anyway I had a go at my son in law, I cant remember exactly what I said but along the lines of he better step up and treat her right or I would be on his case, anyway he told his parents I'd threatened him and my family had to step in and hush it all down. My youngest daughter then put me to bed and I slept for 2 hours and then rejoined the bridal party for the rest of the evening feeling fine and unaware I'd done anything to upset anyone.

Thing is although I'm ashamed of my actions I dont regret what I said, it was a long time coming, I only regret that I said it on their wedding night and under the influence of drink. 

Anyway all this is a long complicated issue and one I'm probably going to have to deal with in therapy of some sort but it's not all a reason or excuse for gambling.

I havent had any strong urges to gamble although I've thought about the issue of gambling quite often over the last week. 

I put gamban on my phone last night, signed up for 5years and immediately it was o  checked it actually works, it does. I cant uninstall it and it wont let me open any casino sites. Brilliant.  But then although feeling the relief of that's it then I also felt a little sadness. Almost like losing a friend but it has never been a friend. Makes me wonder did I plan to gamble again, try to win back some of what I've lost? And now that hope has gone?

When I was gambling I was dealing with the huge disappointment and panic, like living in terror. It was overriding every other worry or anxiety that is going on. Now I have the loss of money to deal with and the struggle ahead of me to regain financial control and other issues in my life now seem much bigger. I guess that gives me a clue that gambling was a means of escape. That escape has gone and I dont want it back but I'm left feeling sad and tired from it all.

I am physically poorly at the moment as in I have a heavy cold and a bad tummy so at least to my family I can hide behind that as I'm definitely not my usual self. 

I've signed up for a course on here and am looking forward to starting that. 

I'm going to be on my own almost totally now for the next 72 odd hours, working waking night shifts and sleeping in between  so I shall be on this site a lot throughout it. 

Catch you later

Constance 

Day 7

Feeling very tired despite sleeping 8 and half hours. And feeling quite down. But dont think its gambling related. I dont spend a lot of time analysing myself, think I'm scared of what I might find. I do know I'm feeling a bit shi**y about my actions monday night. It was my daughters wedding , I was in serious sleep debt not just from missing a nights sleep but also from 3 waking night shifts just before, I had some to drink but wouldn't have considered myself wasted. Anyway I had a go at my son in law, I cant remember exactly what I said but along the lines of he better step up and treat her right or I would be on his case, anyway he told his parents I'd threatened him and my family had to step in and hush it all down. My youngest daughter then put me to bed and I slept for 2 hours and then rejoined the bridal party for the rest of the evening feeling fine and unaware I'd done anything to upset anyone.

Thing is although I'm ashamed of my actions I dont regret what I said, it was a long time coming, I only regret that I said it on their wedding night and under the influence of drink. 

Anyway all this is a long complicated issue and one I'm probably going to have to deal with in therapy of some sort but it's not all a reason or excuse for gambling.

I havent had any strong urges to gamble although I've thought about the issue of gambling quite often over the last week. 

I put gamban on my phone last night, signed up for 5years and immediately it was o  checked it actually works, it does. I cant uninstall it and it wont let me open any casino sites. Brilliant.  But then although feeling the relief of that's it then I also felt a little sadness. Almost like losing a friend but it has never been a friend. Makes me wonder did I plan to gamble again, try to win back some of what I've lost? And now that hope has gone?

When I was gambling I was dealing with the huge disappointment and panic, like living in terror. It was overriding every other worry or anxiety that is going on. Now I have the loss of money to deal with and the struggle ahead of me to regain financial control and other issues in my life now seem much bigger. I guess that gives me a clue that gambling was a means of escape. That escape has gone and I dont want it back but I'm left feeling sad and tired from it all.

I am physically poorly at the moment as in I have a heavy cold and a bad tummy so at least to my family I can hide behind that as I'm definitely not my usual self. 

I've signed up for a course on here and am looking forward to starting that. 

I'm going to be on my own almost totally now for the next 72 odd hours, working waking night shifts and sleeping in between  so I shall be on this site a lot throughout it. 

Catch you later

Constance 

Still Day 7. Just been on the group chat which was really good. It was over too quickly. 

Still feeling blue. I've had a little cry and for me that's a good thing. 

No urge whatsoever to gamble. 

I cant gamble now and I'm glad about that. I'm in a low place but I know things will get better now day by day.

Wow

I've been locked out of my account all this time so couldnt get on here to update.

Just read back through all that I wrote. I was in a bad way. One month on now still gamble free and in such a better place I'd almost forgot how bad I was.

I'm still getting occasional urges to gamble but find distractions to take me mind off it til the urge passes.

I've started the CBT game change course which is brilliant. 

Financially I'm stable again, and I've treated myself to a small gift to celebrate one month GF, a journal and a pretty pen. 

Of course I dont have any savings left but I am now able to start thinking about starting a saving plan again. I'm feeling better about myself too. 

I cant believe what a difference one month has made. I'm no longer living in fear and panic.

Feeling good, feeling positive. 

Constance 

Hi Constance

Being locked out of an account is ery frsutrating.

Being in a bad way you felt very vulnerable and  filled with fears.

Recovery is about healing ur pains and moving on.

One month gambling free is very powerful.

My addiction was very painful, not fun at all.

When getting occasional urges to gamble best to use the telephone list.

Being busy and making cals helps.

Fears that are not resolved or faced can lead to panic.

Fears faced and deaslt with means less chance of going in to panic.

Being financially stable helps reduce our fears.

I use spread sheets to keep focused on m finances.

You have treated your self to a small gift to celebrate being gambling free that is very healthy indeed.

That is a few of your needs fullfilled.

Treated your self with rewards is a very healthy thing to do.

The savings will build as finaces are resolved.

Thinking about starting a saving plan again is very healthy and you are planning being succesful.

That is very healthy feeling better about your self that is working your recovery well.

Living with out pain and self abuse can cause you to come to a difference attitude, yes just one month has made a big difference.

It is very healthy to be no longer living in fear and panic.

That is very powerful feeling good about your self, feeling positive.

Take every unhealthy habit and make it a healthy habit .

 Love and peace to every one

Dave L

AKA Dave of Beckenham