Every Day Is A Second Chance

Hi LB , Think I'm gonna get a T shirt done now with "DADZILLA" emblazened across it :))

Those chip forks really make great weapons though , especially when you launch them from an elastic band , as you can see I'm not a anything even slightly out of the norm chip shop owner , far to old for all that intolerant this and gluten free that , I do know whats allergens are in the food I serve though and I've got a poster to prove it but only coz the law say's I have to .

Honestly , Veggies are not on my list of things to become , along with my other old favourite " Morris Dancers " , I get my fair share of those to , ( just Alcoholics with bells , if you ask me ) and apparently the only reason they do wear bells , is so that even the blind can't escape ?

OOH !! , I'm on a right old rant today aren't I , and to top it all this evening I seriously think I've broken my little toe , my dog was trying her best to get out of the way on three legs as I was carrying a big box in my arms and I stubbed it pretty badly , looked down at my left foot and the to was pointing left as well , I've straightened it but google says just leave it to heal :((

Sorry for havin a rant , I'm really ok but just off to change my name on my diary page to " Lucky , Lucky B'astd " .

Talk to you soon LB xx

Thanks for the pop by LB, i know its been a tough few months for you but you seem to be coming out the other side, i wish you well and will continue to follow your along this bumpy road.

S****e bricks...lots of them. Getting fed up with them to be honest. Have realised I can cope with a certain amount of stress, but when it's sustained it starts to get to me.Most of the current dramas aren't actually mine. They're all family/friend related but somehow or other I seem to be the one that people turn to to unload and get support from. Which is fine. I don't mind, but I do find myself carrying around all their stuff in my head and getting bogged down by it.There's a mixture of concern, sadness, empathy going on for them but also (in the case of my sister and my friend) a real strong desire to grab them and shake them. Apparantly, it's not allowed!! Grrr...don't know why I let it get to me so much.I keep telling myself they're all adults, they can make their own decisions, it's nothing to do with me...just smile and wave, smile and wave. But I just can't seem to do it. I've been so close to pressing the f**k it button over the last few days. Which is crazy. Why would I self sabotage as a way to feel better? But that's what I've wanted to do.Blocks have saved me but I'm sick of relying on them. I so want to be able to cope with life, stress, emotions etc without feeling that the slots will ease things. Or that I need a reward or a break from it all. I was just thinking that all those years ago, before the devil took my soul, I didn't fall back on slots whenever the going was tough. Before that first ever online deposit I managed stress, anxiety, irritation and S****e bricks so why does it seem like the only solution now? Feckity, f**k.

Sometimes it feels like I'm getting nowhere. Like I'm wading through treacle. But I have made changes.Some big, some small but they all count. Maybe I just need to learn some patience. I don't know. Waffling now. Life really isn't so bad. I'm not going to wallow or gamble. Going to force myself to do something productive to get out of this funk. Sigh.

Cheer up LB , You know what they say !.

Some things in life are bad ,

They can really make you mad ,

Other things just make you swear and curse ,

When your chewin on life's gristle ,

Don't grumble give a whistle ,

And this'll help thingds turm out for the best ,

and

Always look on the bright side of life,

Always look on the bright side of life ,

If life seems jolly rotten ,

There's sometrhing youv'e forgotten,

and that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing,

When your feeling in the dumps ,

Don't be silly chumps,

Just purse your lips and whistle thats the thing ,

and always look on the bright side of life ,

Come on.

Always look on the bright side of life ,

For life is quite absurd ,

and deaths the final word ,

You must always face the curtain witrh a bow !,

Forget about your sin ~give the audience a grin ,

Enjoy it it's the last chance anyhow ,

Life's a piece of s**t ,

when you look at it ,

Life's a laugh and deaths a joke , it's true ,

You'll see it's all a show,

Keep em laughing as you go ,

Just remember the last laugh is on you !.

Got it now ? I could have just copied and pasted but it just shows how much I think of you !!.

Noiw cheer up you miserable Cow , coz you sound like I was last week :)).

XX

LOL , LOL , Be absolutely honest you feel so effing much better now don't cha ? .

We should start one of those thingy's on ovecoming , where everyone adds to the page with their dislikes for the day ?

I reckon the gamcare site would crash within minutes , Your welcome to the therapy ,you helped me last week so just returning the favour , same time tomorrow ? :)).

Alaways look on the bright side of life !! xx

How is Mrs Galaxy these days? I was thinking about your friends the other day and realised that i am one of them who needs a good shake, slap round the mug (no violence) and reality check lecture...ohhhhh...don't we love them huh. Friends are important link in our lives, never forget how much appreciated you are just for being you!

Keep moving forward, lil steps...tipu tapu ☺

S x

Hello diary...just a quick flyby as super busy getting ready for my jollidays...but I realised that it's year to the day since I made my first post on here and a year tomorrow that I started this diary. I'd joined the forum way back in 2013, but had done nothing more than read a few diaries and disappear off to continue the madness. Clearly I wasn't ready to put in the hard work and effort needed to stop back then, but this time last year I was. It hasn't been smooth sailing. I've fallen off the horse a few times. But each time I've relapsed I've had a good hard look at what was going on for me emotionally and I've done a fair job of working out my triggers. I've spent much of the last year really trying to get to identify the underlying causes of my behaviours. Not just in relation to gambling, but to life in general....because the gambling cannot be seperated out from general life and looked at in isolation. It's not an entity apart from me that can be sorted and then everything else is ok....I've actually realised that everything else needs to get sorted for the gambling to be ok. I'd already had therapy and counselling before I joined here, so I was a fair way along the road before I started. This last year, with all it's ups and downs, has really been about making sense of all that I learned in therapy...piecing it together....filling in a few gaps...knowing myself better and gaining more insight into what makes me tick. It hasn't always been easy (at times it's been too hard and I've wanted to run away) but it's definitely been worth it. I've learnt a huge amount about addiction, personality, acceptance but I know there's always more to learn. I'm sure when I started I would have been wanting to come back today saying proudly that I'm a whole year gamble free. I can't say that, because I'm not. But for the vast majority of the year I have abstained and the few episodes of madness have been short lived, lasting days rather than weeks and months. I'm guessing about 300 days were probably gamble free...maybe more. Anyway, what I know is that it doesn't really matter. I've learnt, I've absorbed, I've changed. I'm not the same person who started this a year ago. I accept that life has it's ups and downs. Some days are blah and I'm still not skipping through the daisy fields on a regular basis. But I know that what I do have is good, and built on solid foundations. There's a level of honesty in my life that wasn't there before and I'm more open and more of myself than ever. I've let go of a lot of stuff, but have also learnt to accept the stuff that I can't or don't want to change.I like myself a whole lot more, and I'm less worried about what people think of me. I appreciate what's in my life more. I still have my screaming banshee days and the desire to shake people hasn't left me...so, there's still plenty to work on:))

This forum has been a great resource for me, and I am so very grateful to it and all the good folks on here who share their time, experiences, wisdom and support. I haven't been on here as much lately, and I know that it's about time I start to give something back. After my holidays, when things have calmed down and I've got more time, I fully intend to up my game.

Happy days x

Glad that was only a quick fly by then ? :))

Youv'e learned a lot since being here by the sound of it and thats really good , it's when we don t learn from our mistakes it all gets a bit scary coz the same stuff keeps happening but as you say far more abstinance than the couple of blips youv'e had so happy days indeed, so whatever your'e doing right is having an effect and working for you .

We can't be happy everyday ( well we can but you know what I mean ) , I should say ,not everyday is as wonderfull and full of joy as we'd like it to be but that's just life for us mere mortals and as you well know we dodge the shi.te bricks that fall from above as best we can , just sometimes we're not quick enough eh ?.

Congratulations on your first year of being on here , you haven't left since my arrival so I can't have annoyed you that much ?

( Note to self " Must try harder " ) :))

And it will deffo be good news if you start throwing your weight around these parts a bit more on your return from your Hol's ,

When you off ? may see you at the airport on Monday LOL ! .

Enjoy your break and have a great time Luvely bird and talk to you soon .

Uncle George x

Hi LB,

Thanks for the post and congratulations on your journey so far. We do learn on a way, even if little pieces at the time.

I hope you have a great holiday and recharge from the recent arguments with friends. We all need a good shake now and again!

If you want, i will check you in for this weeks challenge upfront. I am sure no gambling will be present on ur journies!

As of your Q's. I have made a choice. Meetings are not for me unfortunately. I guess i survived so far going it alone, i shall keep grafting away as i go on.
Counselling...yup, i was considering that not long ago...but the final decision will b made after my holiday...either counselling/therapy/groups or sectioning..lol..seriously, i will stick by with one of these i guess. Whatever happens - happens.

Have a great time away & rest rest rest!

Ps. Happy Days indeed! ☺

S x

Hi Mrs Galaxy

Page 5? :-0 took me a while to hunt ya down 😉

Thank you for the well wishes and encouragement. I missed my parents deeply & can't wait to hug them and keep them close by! It's been over a year since i last seen them..

As of the flying..taking off & landing is the biggest challenge recently but not gonna fear it as long as earphones are full volume & music blasting in my ears :-)..plus..breathing! Must remember that for sure :-))))

Hope you had great break away & if i remember rightly, some more holidays on the way ☺..good! Enjoy every minute and get plenty of R&R. It's sooo good for the body & soul.

Keep winning lovely lady, keep being kind to yourself.

S x

Hi LB,

Hope you're alright. Sorry to hear about your stress for your friend. Hope all is ok and you're staying strong for both of you.

Please look after yourself, take deep breaths and don't hold tough emotions in, share/ talk/ open up...all of these will help to deal with them.

Thinking of you, stay safe..

S x

Thanks S. I appreciate your kindness.

So diary, it's been a while. Life's been busy and the summer has been good. It all seemed to pass in a flash and I've been pootling along nicely, feeling that life is good. But then suddenly life isn't good again and sometimes it's just shi.te. Last week an old friend died suddenly. She hadn't been well and was admitted to hospital, but none of us were expecting her to die. My head kept saying "this can't be happening. I know it's not sounding good, but she can't die. She just can't". But then she did. And I've had those thoughts so many times before about so many people, and so of course some of that grief has come back to the surface. And I want to shout at the world and question the universe and tell god he can f**k off. And I don't want to hear platitudes or that it was her time, or that everything happens for a reason. Because that's b****x. It's not fair, and nothing makes it right and the sense of shock is overwhelming. She was 47 with two teenagers whose lives will be changed forever.Things will never be the same for them and I feel so much empathy and compassion for them. And I know this is grief. I know these feelings only too well. I know they'll pass, but what I've wanted to do is isolate and not feel. I haven't gambled (which is my default at times like this) but it's there waiting for me.So instead I've been eating and drinking more than I should...anything to get me through. And questioning what it's all about. How can life be so cruel at times? Why do bad things happen to good people? In the last two years, five people I know have died ranging in age from 24 to 51. All leaving behind partners, kids, parents, friends devasted by their loss. That's not right is it? It can't be. So what's it all about? Why do we all struggle through when it's all going to end anyway? Part of me thinks what's the point then? Why give up doing the things I like? Why fight the urges...f**k it, just live in the moment. But realistically I know that's nonsense. I know that the sensible thing to take from it all is to live a fulfilling life and try to enjoy the time we do have here. To try to make her death count for something. But how? How do you live a fulfilling life? Everyone has to work to pay the bills and after a few weeks of feeling spured on to do something different, it all dies down and life goes back to the same old same old. Deep sigh...I don't know. I don't know anything. I'm sad, angry, low, down...and I know that I've just got to feel those emotions, and not fight them, even though all I really want to do is run away.

Ohhh LB, you couldn't run the length of you (stole that from Bella in chat), you know that! You also know that life is unfair & that hiding from sh17e doesn't make it go away 🙁 Keep facing your emotions head on & take it easy on the Ripples...I can't have you depleting the stocks!

Hi LB I'm really sorry to hear of your loss , 47 was the same age as my Dad so o can relate to what you've said about age and it's not fair , it's not fair at all but life's a bit like that at times as you know because I sent you the whistling song that summed it up perfectly " life's a piece of s***t when you look at it " :(( but it comes to us all and we have to accept it a a certainty in life . It's good to have you back even on a not so happy note . Sending you yet another bunch of Cyber flowers and a hug xx. Uncle George ;))

OH !! Bless you LB , thank you so much for all the nice words and compliments it's really appreciated :)).and I'll defo drink to that :)).

I hesitantly ask how things are with you ? , I won't pry tonight as its getting a bit late and I know your fond of your beauty sleep , plus youv'e that team of thoroughbreds to muck out in the morning :)) , So i'll just say that I'm thinking of you and you know where uncle George is if you want a natter .xx