Every Day Is A Second Chance

Day 21

So, I'm back from my holiday with a bad case of the post holiday blues.Had a great time, but now back to the same boring old day to day s***e. I know that I need to get up and moving and do something productive but I really can't be arsed. This mood will pass in a couple of days, but I need to stay strong while it's here. Would have cracked and gambled yesterday if I hadn't shredded my card. That one small move has made a huge difference (although my devious mind was working plans and schemes to get round it but I let those thoughts go). I'm so glad I didn't give in to the temptation.

I'm going to drink tea and eat biscuits and read this site. And I'm def not going to gamble.

OAU x

Hi LifeBegins, glad you had a good holiday, it's horrible coming back to the same old grind stone though, but well done on staying strong, we are doing well 21 days today - go us, thank you for posting in my diary. We will keep strong one day at a time x

Day 23

My low mood has subsided a bit and I'm feeling more positive today. I find my mind going back over old memories and reliving some of the shame and distress surrounding my gambling. Beating myself up about it doesn't help as it just brings me down, but equally I want to hold onto some of those memories as a deterrent to go going back there again.I've learnt in the past that the longer I abstain and the further I get away from those feelings the more I start to convince myself I don't really have a problem. That's a really dangerous time for me, as I start to believe I can gamble for fun and stay in control (which, of course, I can't). So, I'm working on ways to acknowledge what I've done and where I was, but at the same time being kind to myself knowing that I don't want to go back there.

The gambling urges really haven't been too bad. They're no where near as strong as when I was gambling and was wanting to get back to a session. Strange really...but I'll be very happy if it stays this way.

There's lots of positives to being GF, most of all a calmer mind and a clearer conscience. It's so nice not to be feeling guilty all the time. Every time my husband would go online to check the bank account I'd have that awful knotted feeling in my stomach knowing that I either had to confess to my latest binge or wondering if he'd question where all the cash was going.For the last 23 days I haven't had to live with that fear. I can look him in the eye again and be around him without feeling guilty. I'm not locking myself in the bathroom pretending to have a bath but instead logging on. I'm not jumping on the computer the minute he leaves the house or furtively closing it down and clearing the history when I hear his car. I'm not hoping the kids will go out so I can play or feeling annoyed at them for coming home or needing me for something.I'm less moody too, so that's a plus 🙂

23 days doesn't seem like a long time, but it actually feels like ages since I last gambled. I wonder how 123 days will feel?

Today I will not gamble x

Good news your feeling little more positive

If you keep ticking those days off you'll find out how day 123 feels but why not appreciate day 23.

Many would wish they were in your position LifeBegins

Smile 🙂

Don't kid yourself, 23 days is a massive deal...We know, you can't kid us! & 24 is even better 🙂

Thank you so much for dropping by & yes, you are absolutely right, it has worked for me (thank goodness) so I am sticking with it! Thank you for another gentle reminder that control is not an option! I have thoughts of it occasionally but thanks to all the wonderful people who post here, I know that's just Mr Gamble trying to win me back - I can't blame him (he's not made of wood) 😉

Hi LifeBegins, 25 days gamble free for both of us, well done. Xx

Day 28 and feeling good. Life's been manically busy so I've had no time to post (although I probably would have found time to gamble!). I have been on and reading a lot and there's been some really interesting posts and information that has got me thinking a lot.

On the gambling front, I'm feeling really strong ( I almost don't want to admit that as I don't want to jinx myself). This has been the longest stretch without online gambling in years and it really feels like it's going to continue. I don't know why but this time feels different. I've had a lot of therapy/counselling in the last seven years (group and individual) and I think I've changed a lot and have come to a place of acceptance about the things I cannot change.I know myself well now and I have recognised and changed so many of my unhelpful thinking styles. I no longer beat myself up and am willing to accept myself warts and all. I no longer motivate myself by unhappiness.I think that maybe, just maybe, this is my time.

LifeBegins x

Hi LB,

Thanks for popping by on my diary last week, and look at you 28 days/4 weeks already, great achievement.

Keep doing what you are doing, you are doing just fine.

Suzanne xxx

Hi LifeBegins, well done to both of us 28 days, it does feel good doesn't it and as you say it does feel different this time, I want to do this and feel so much stronger, I feel I had reached my rock bottom with gambling and now I am taking back control. Thank you for posting in my diary earlier, yes I think we are very much alike, as you say it is lovely not to be feeling guilty all the time, I think back to the times when the OH would phone and say 'what are you doing?', I would usually say not a lot! I would gamble upstairs in our little front room so I could see his car pulling up then I would run downstairs quickly jump on the sofa and make it look as if I had been there for ages, or quickly grab some household cleaner that I had left nearby to make myself look busy, glad not to have that anymore. Yes I do have a critical voice in my head and will look into finding out some info on low self esteem, thank you for the suggestion. I am so glad that you have found acceptance and I look forward to our continuing support of each other. Well done LifeBegins, am so proud of you x

I don't spend a lot of time thinking as you may have gathered but for what it's worth...Not quite so many maybes, I too think it's your time 🙂

A massive whoop whoop to you on your 1st 4 weeks 🙂 Stay busy & keep being kind to you - ODAAT

Hi LB,

4 weeks of starving that horrible addiction, great going, and I know from your strong positive posts you will continue to keep doing what you are doing, (taking one day at a time of course ;))

Thanks for making me smile, yep everything is thrown into nearest cupboard/ drawer/ I even put vacuum cleaner and kitchen bin in the garage along with other stuff before anyone comes ohh stress indeed lol) and OH is not allowed in the loo, and doggie is not allowed on the lawn, ooh HDs indeed.

Anyway well done you, you are doing just fine,

Stay strong and keep going one day at a time.

Suzanne xxx

Just a quick check in on day 31. Go me!! I'm away for a few days with no mobile service/internet but I've managed to find a spot by climbing on the roof...not really, but almost 🙂 and my priority is to log on here! Quite amazed by how important this lovely forum has become to me.

Anyway, doing well. No gambling urges. OAU x

It sounds like it really is your time Lifebegins

Thanks for your support.. S.A 🙂

You be careful balancing like a Russian gymnast @ your age 😉

Thanks for you very welcomed support the other day & yes, you are correct, it is indeed a home from home (the bed would still be where the delivery man helped me in with it otherwise, even though it meant a substantial climb to get in/out of the living room)! Thankfully no need to give up the Ripples just yet, I've consulted the good Dr Google & reckon I'm only carrying between 3-4 stone of muscle, in reality, probably about 3-4 stone more than the NM 😉

Maybe it's a Norvern thing...Suz has one of them too 😉 Although saying that, both of yours sound like they actually use their PS4s...I'm pretty sure ours is just for show & if I were that way inclined, for me to dust!

Keep lifting that glass, it's a workout right 😉

Jeez LB, the stuff we do to be able to get a signal for the forum:))),

Stay strong and don't get dizzy lol.

Suzanne xxx