Everything ended today

am sorry to hear this mate and just like yours my life has been a mess but we are getting there slowly and will win a hour a day a month at a time some times you have to hit rock bottom to realise that you have lost every thing and now it time to win life back keep you chin up 

@mrunlucky thank you mate, rn every positive thing makes me happier and makes me feel little bit better. In my head i have been waiting for this moment to make the stop on this mess, but still hurst more than anything. 

I just wanted to open up little bit so i make new post. First when this happened today i felt bad but relieved about the fact that now my dad knows about my gambling addiction. Now i start to realize that fact i really lost all my savings and that money is more than 90% of my age even has. Now i have 63euros on my bank account. I feel terrible. Compeletely lost interest on life and dont even know what can change and do i live good life ever. My life has been such a mess from children to these days. I have had mental healt issues last year but i managed to beat it and find my hope and interest for life again but today i lost it all. 1 mistake and everything starts over, you lose everything that you have been fighting for. I dont even know do i hate my self anymore, i am just rn on my lowest and dont even know who i am and what i can do. I am so lost. I update here everyday whats happening. Dont know is there anybody reading my posts or am i just talking to my self but you can come and talk to me. All help is more than welcome. I dont give up but rn everything is pretty hard.

Hi, I am sorry to hear what you are feeling right now. We are very much the same. Same here, I lost the value of money and I don’t have any interest in doing things. You have to take one day at a time, take it as it is and make it better. Think that you are still on the good side, not like me: I have now £28K worth of debt and it will take me lot of time to pay it back having a normal job. But guess what: you have to get a normal job to become normal again. Do again what you used to love once. I will pay debt yes, every time I will pay I will think that I will pay to the gambling, that will be the result of what gambling did to me, but this time I am winning, this time I am not gambling. We can do this! Stay strong.

@dj255 thank you for your message! You are right i should think about that i am not in debt. Even the lost savings feels horrible there is still good things left. My family knows about my addiction now and i am not alone anymore. Now just day after day for better life. I hope all the best for you mate!

Update on recovery, yesterday was pretty rough for me. One of the hardest days in my life. After i managed to go sleep what wasnt so easy after hitting the absolute rock bottom i saw so many dreams while sleeping. It was pretty personal dreams what i have not got in long times. As soon i woke up morning the first thing on my head was the fact what happened yesterday. I have let everyone down on me. I have allways wanted to make my dad proud of me but in last moments on my life i have messed it so bad. I am living in home with my dad, i am poor without money because of the gambling, i dont work, i lost my dream job in last few weeks. I feel like i am compeletely mess. My dad allways says that he is proud of me and i am everything for him. But i cant stop thinking about how can this person be someones everything and how can he be proud of this person? Is he just saying it because its parents duty? I believe that i am his everything but i dont believe he is proud of me. I have had for last year so big stress to get succesfull and to make my dad proud of me that i constantly think about it. Its like overthinking that over and over again. I was on good path actualy i could say that like month or 2 ago i was proud of me and i thinked that maybe now i did it and made him proud and i am succesin. But yesterday i f****d it all up. I am feeling bad today but not that bad like yesterday and i havent done anything else than sleep, go trough social media and laying down in my bed. I am active person normally, i have 2-3 exercises per day and now i just be in the bed and feel bad and thinking about going to store and buy alcholol get drunk and go sleep and start next day again. After all i know my gambling is done. I feel so bad that i get throwing up feeling about gambling. This was it for me. The absolute rock bottom.

What can we do, close our bank accounts? What kind of things can we do when we have gaming impulse? 

Sorry about your story, I know the pain personally. I’m sure your dad will always be proud of you as your his son but if you want to make him extra proud never gamble again. Start to build your life back up slowly and take each day as it comes. For me I try my hardest but sometimes slip back into a bad routine like today. Stay strong you can do this 

@neveragain thank you mate! I am going now one day at a time for better life without gambling. I need to start all over but i will make sure that i make my life better this time. We have been talking with my dad a lot lately of my gambling and money problems and we are going to open new bank account for me and only my dad has the acces to it so when i get some bigger amount of money we put it there and when i need some i ask him and tell him why i need it and how much i need. Then same time i am having my personal bank account for less money just for everyday life like food, bills etc. My dad will check my bank account once a week now and look every transfers so i cant hide anything. He is hopeful to me and helps alot. I am not alone anymore and thats good. We can do this, all the best for you too!

Hi @Mike02,

Thanks for sharing your recovery journey with us on the forum, I can see that you've had some really tough times, but it's great to read that you are getting good support from your Dad and that you were brave enough to let him know what is happening to you. Keep going. We are rooting for you. If you need more support, do please reach out to the helpline and talk through your options 0808 8020 133. All the best. Jane, Forum Admin

Update on my recovery: day2 GF, hello everyone, at first i wanna thank you all for your messages. These messages helps me a lot it gives me power and hope. This day has been harder than yesterday. I have been thinking a lot why i did it and what made me do it and what i could have bought or use the money on what i lost. I know it doesnt help to think these things but still i do. Today i have been very tired and sad about what happened. Yesterday i had some power to do things and i also did some work for money. I hope tomorrow is better day. I am just so sad about how good my situation was before the relapse and lost savings. And how long it takes to get the savings back from working. But still that happened cant change it now. I only can change my future and take care of that it goes right this time. I will keep you updated everyday. -Mike

@dia25lke0s this was me, I came clean yesterday. 40k. My partner has left to stay at thier parent for a few days. I’ve signed up with step change for the debt and have moved all my money to a small joint account where they can see what I’m doing. I have been recently diagnosed with adhd and I can’t have a drink without going off the rails. So nice quit that and told my family I’m quitting drink. My partner isn’t sure what how they want to proceed. I told them that I will take any consequence and am getting help with it without them. My mental health has been so low and they are heartbroken that I couldn’t tell them sooner. But I couldn’t let it carry on. My family are being supported. This is my last chance. Please be strong. Acceptance is a relief. I’ve also had to refer myself for therapy. I was never addicted to gambling as such, but I have racked up debt from gambling. I hope it gets better for you 

@ADHD33 sorry to hear that mate. But just like everyone else here we can change and we will change if we just really want to change. I believe that i can make my life better and be without gambling but its not gonna be easy but its gonna be worth it. Thats good thing that your family knows about your problems it helps you to get better and win this situation. I am so happy that i came clean with my problems with my family. We are not alone anymore. All the best for you!

Update on day 3 GF, i slept too long but it was the happy place because i didnt need to think about the loss and everything. Imidiately when i woke up i was angry and sad. Didnt care almost nothing. This is hard but i havent had any temptation to gamble. I am just so sick of this. I am now going to do some work so i can get some money back of the losses. Its taking so long to get all the loss back from working but no can do. It is what it is. Better to work than lay in the bed.