Festina Lente

A frantic week indeed. Three days left. Just been catching up on a few diaries and its sad to read that a few people are going through some tough times at the moment in their personal life. Life can be difficult at times, indeed.

Day 460 and all ok on the gambling front. Had a dream/nightmare last night. The same recurring one where I'm back in the bookies putting on bets, they seem so real and within the dream I feel so let down in myself and I wake up feeling regret and shame before I realise it was just another dream. It was hot last night too, having a hairy ar*e is a plus in the winter months but it's definitely a negative now, I'm sorely tempted to rub Immac into it tonight but I'm just frightened of the possible baboon/chimpanzee like side effects.

I met the Head and got the gig, two days a week, starting from next term. He was a nice fella, told him he had a lovely tan. He's given me free range to wear what I like as long as its 'smart casual,' in other words shirt, trousers and tie. He said that jeans are a 'no no.' I wanted to ask 'why?' Yet I remained polite and focused. Jeans certainly have had a bad press and why. It's ingrained discrimination. They've become the Jews, the Irish, Blacks, Asians and Brummies of the clothing world. What have they ever done to deserve this? It's true that it was once the fashion to wear jeans of a distressed look or sporting rips but this was a passing phase and the discrimination was well established before then. Is it because they're associated with the blue collar and working class. Possibly so. Or is it because they've become looked upon disdainly and that attitude has become ingrained within our society, without a real, genuine reason. In fact they're are many smart, well cut jeans to choose from, easy to look at and comfortable to wear. Yet society would feel less threatened if I paraded myself in a pair of violet, electro shock inducing, polyester slacks acquired from the 'soon to be landfill' rail at George. Ridiculous, indeed, I hate rules which become conservative and remain unchallenged. Once got sent home on teaching practise for wearing long shorts to take the children swimming. I had no idea my shins were so offensive and corruptible.

I like doing part time and hours which suit me. Financially it's no different from when I was working full time because then I was gambling like a stressed out maniac. The best thing is the time I can now spend looking after Maisie without trying to spin plates and fit her in. All that planning gone too, Hallelujah. Going back to an old school for the rest of this week, I know the Head quite well and she is genuinely lovely. I got a virus about three years ago on my PC and it sent everyone in my email contacts reams of pages of written 'filth.' I can only assume it was extracts from 'Fifty shades of Grey' or some other 'mummy P**n' because it was quite shocking. Anyway, needless to say this Head who was in my contacts was sent a copy inadvertently. Seeing the Head again for the first time tomorrow should be an experience.

A nice evening then, Maisie tomorrow. All good and content bordering on simmering frustration but that's how it's always been since adolescence. It's hard to switch off, going to paint now, that always quietens the mind. Take care everyone.

Adieu

Steve

Thought Id pop in for a laugh and i wasnt dissapointed steg.

You are hilarious lol.... I think maybe we should take the jeans thing to the European courts after all if they can rule that giving a serial killer life is a breach of there human rights then surley to god they can rule that not being allowed to wear jeans to work is a breach as well. w*****s lol.....

Well done on getting the job, I would employ you just for the fun factor and the fact that you might just happen to wear purple polyester trousers to work one day.

Glad to see your well.

Take care

blondie x

Morning Steve

Great news on the job front , another step forward in ur very impressive recovery , weird bout the dreams but they do same what u dream is the opposite a lot of the times maybe its just ur concious keeping u complacent which is no bad thing

Av a great weekend

Castle2

great news on the job front Steve....on the jeans front, they cost blummin more than a suit!! ..lol ..poor jeans , they get a bad rap.

On the mummy P**n ...well at least the head knows what he/she is getting eh? ...it's all education...besides if it is 50 shades of grey it's a good jumping off point for British youth of today ...perhaps photocopy a few copies and write on the blackboard "Discuss" ...lol

Keep Calm And Virus Free ...xxx

Just a quick one, ish, still mad busy. Day 400 and odd , no thoughts or urges. Fridge freezer packed in last Tuesday, after a big shop too. It's been a nightmare since. Ordered a new one from John Lewis but it doesn't arrive till Wednesday. Everything is warm. In winter my boiler went, in a heat wave my fridge freezer went, that's just my luck, the way my life fits into place I'll probably meet and marry that long awaited nymphomaniac on my 95th birthday. I checked behind the fridge yesterday and it looks like sabotage, those evil ungrateful guinea pigs must have sneaked in at some time and chewed through some wires. Spent yesterday throwing soggy cornettos and magnums at them, they think its a game, basteds!

Don't get high anymore, I mean gambling used to make me punch the air (on the rare occasions I won or got out of gaol). Yet there was always a price to pay, with those glorious highs came the soul destroying, life wrecking lows, (these were more of course). Life now is mundane in the sense that if I want those highs again I have to work at it by finding a safe avenue, a rewarding avenue. Flashing in the park in this weather woul be ideal but I haven't got the dirty mac or indeed the desire, bungee jumping is out of the question because I'm not that brave, another motorbike? Maybe. I suppose gamblers always loved that adrenalin/dopamine buzz. We probably all share the same common ancestor 'Mad Ugg Ugg' who would leap onto a mammoth and ride him wildly towards the tar pit where his more stable, normal tribesmen would wait with spears. The sad truth fact is you can't be truly happy and live like Ugg Ugg because you'll never be, by definition, content. I've got to learn to rearrange my brain and turn off one by one those insatiable adrenalin/dopamine receptors so they don't keep telling me that 'I'm not living.' The only way to do this is to stop feeding them with time and excitement.

When I was younger I would have never wanted to be the person I'm becoming and when I'm older I'll never want to be the person I once was.

I must always remember to never misremember. With the passage of time it's easy to forget about the countless bad times and single out those few big wins. Like remembering those endless warm summer months as a child. Whereas in reality no one recollects those boring, raining, miserable days stuck in watching 'why don't you.'

A note to my younger self deep within, it's better to be 'boring' and stable, safe, predictable. Trust me on this, it is.

Steve

Thanks Steve....I'm not in a great place today and although you are right with life's blows I just think I've had my fair share for one lifetime....the old HP is a nice idea that I use but to be honest it's days like today that I think it's just a joke..

It's very hard to keep going when no matter what ..the s**t train still rolls with no end in sight despite huge efforts on my part to try and claw out of this alone..

if I were all the things you said I would not be in this position...nope ..fools like me have taken a punt with their heart and this is the result..spiritual bankcrupcy.

Ironically my only saving grace now is money and to make as much as I can as I know chasing the romantic pipe dream is like putting tokens into a FOBT..it's loose loose...

Plus .I've transcended humans! ....falling in love being natures trick to get you knocked up ...but passed that now so no motive now to take up with a fella unless a legal contract is involved.

Sorry ,but I did it the other way around and this is the result,..I've finally become coin operated when it comes to love aged 46.

On the engine front Dibnahs son was there on his own traction engine...

My brother was a huge fan and growing up I watched many chimney demolitions close up and how structures fall when wired up and detonated on the inside.....I will stop before my conspiracy head kicks in...; )

Thanks for posting,...always glad to see you on here no matter how I'm feeling ....no doubt...this too will pass.

R and D xx

If it gets any warmer I'm taking my coat off

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=260bjJxPdws&sns=em

Thanks Steve ....this is my training video de jour...or even for life.

readers beware ...if you are easily offended don't watch as contains graphic language ...

R and D xx

It's been a week now since the fridge/freezer packed in and I can honestly say I'm hanging on mentally by my fingernails. I never want to see tinned food again. How I've missed milk, cakes and ice cream. Perishable food perishes quickly in this heat. Comfort food is important to me and it feels like I'm living in cold war Russia. The new fridge comes tomorrow, can't wait. First thing I'll buy is a trifle and about ten magnums, almond ones.

Got a stye in my eye, reckon it's comfort food withdrawal stress. Haven't had one since I was a kid, looks like I've got a testicle for a bottom eyelid. Every time I rub it my nose goes hard. Roll on tomorrow.

Styve

Lol lol .....well Sty-ve ....every womans dream man is 2 inches tall, can breathe through his ears and has a 9 inch nose ...lol ...

Enjoy your veritable comfort food feast tomorrow and time for a stock up because as Homer would sing .you don't win friends with salad...you don't win friends with salad.....

R and D xx

Ps rub some steak on your eye.

Eye Eye, me old mucker lol

Just thought i would stop by and SEE how your doing ?

Sorry to hear about the fridge , my washing machine packed in a few weeks ago and i have been going down to the river with one of them stupid towels on my head singing deep south songs doing my washing ... It was a sight for sore eyes .. lol sorry couldnt help it..

Happy big shop day tomorrow, you will be able to keep opening the fridge door just to check the light comes on and the food is still cold , that will entertain you for a while.

Happy eating...

Take care

Washer women... (Blondie ) x

The honourable Steve.

Fella your posts are a tonic for everyone who reads them, life is hard without the commodities we take for granted.

At work we use a big food processor to grate cheese and shredd onions and the like, and fella you should see the look on the junior chefs faces if the attachment goes walkies!!!

They lost the use of there arms lol, knife skills are a thing of the past, you can tell as all us old timers use forged steel knives that take a battering and never lose there sharp edge, the young chefs all use the light as a feather all steel no rosewood handled things to which I often say

'You could ride to china barearsed on this!!!'

lol

enjoy your trifle!!!!!!

Another bone of contention in my world, lol a story for another day, historically there is no place for jelly in a trifle!!!!

Duncs stepping forward never back.

I'm looking for answers from the great Creda IWD12 washer dryer...lol...

Xx

Steve.

Thanks for again raising a huge smile.

Another gift of recovery, to look at the good things we had many moons ago before gambling became the focus on which we judged lifes events.

My friend the memories of jelly for me are on a good day i would eat a whole one straight from the packet!! Lol no kettle in sight and the colour amazing good old additives!!

On high days and holidays the packet trifle was the order of the day to go with the glass bottles of pop from the milkman which had a ten P return on them, we used to nab them from other houses up the street.

As for the ferero rocha I always think of the Ben elton sketch on them, 'you are really spoiling us!!!' he ends saying that it would be trumped by a milky way!!!

As a book lover if you see Nigel slaters 'eating for England' give it a read it encompasses many things from yonder year from the wagon wheel to the holy grail you mentioned!!

All stand to salute the ********* of foods 'angel delight'

Any flavour i love it, butterscotch being the guvnor !!!

Again thanks for raising a big smile.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks Dunc, you're reply made me laugh with those memories. Next time I'm in the library I'll check out that book.

Day 472. My wee has been smelling like sugar P***s for the past week. At first it made me laugh and indeed nostalgic, haven't dined out with the Honey monster in years, now it's just getting in my nerves.the stye's settled down so I'm back to looking like top dollar, in my own disillusioned way. Too, too hot in the classroom. Each child generates 120w of heat, it's like 30 big light bulbs in a room, and it makes me perspire. One observant girl said 'av you seen your armpits sir?' To which I replied, 'comment on them again and I'll put you in a headlock, face up.' She laughed, thank goodness. Anyway, I've finished teaching for the year, I was supposed to go in this Monday but I cancelled it yesterday. I've been really enjoying painting and selling them, just finished one to a client in Denmark, more graphic design than illustration so that needs to be packaged and sent off today. My aim, and you should have aims in life is to earn the equivalent of a teacher's salary within two years. See how this goes.

Maisie got a good report yesterday so I'm taking her out shopping for a treat this morning. I felt it was the right time to tell her about the 'facts of life' yesterday evening. She'd been asking about how babies are made now for ages. I explained to her in a scientific way by showing her flowers and how the bees were pollinating them. Then I got out my science illustrative textbooks and went through it with her stage by stage. I was honest and answered everything apart from the question about *** men. I spared her this insight and replied 'just cuddles, hugs and companionship.' I may be right to some extent. So she knows the basics. I was worried that it was like saying 'goodbye to the innocence of childhood' but I have to accept that children grow up quickly today and at least she'll know what to expect when those hormones kick in and her body changes. Her mum will support her on that side as well I'm sure.

Fridge freezer is lovely its so big it's what every serial killer would want for Christmas. I'm going to have an ice cold bevvy later when Maise goes.

Hope you're all well, enjoy the weather whilst it lasts,although it does sap my energy somewhat.

Honey Monster