I posted a few days ago as ‘day 1’.
I know my gambling addiction is alcohol related. Tonight is my first night without my children or husband in the house. I’ve had a drink.
How do you all think this relates to alcohol abuse?
I admitted today (in my head and on the phone to an advisor) that if I didn’t drink, I wouldn’t be this despicable person I am today.Â
I know for a fact if I had money available I’d have been gambling. I didn’t have money though, but there were a couple of times my mind has tried to draw me back in.
If I had not reached out to this site, I’d have being gambling tonight, no doubt.
I’ve spent my night trying to sell some of my things on eBay to get back some money for my family.
Nothing I own is worth much, but it might add up. I feel embarrassed I’m scraping around for things. More embarrassing how much of a materialistic person I am owning so much stuff of no value.
It’s been a really tough 24 hours of realisation. I had my first call with Gamcare, I need help from them. I also need my doctors help. I’m struggling not telling my husband. I feel like the worst mother to ever exist and debts I’ve caused are a storm awaiting to *** me.
The hardest part is betrayal. If I feel this over betraying my husband, how will he feel over the betrayal I’ve caused him?
I have spent most of my day crying, including the doctors booking appointment call! I’m trying hard to tell myself it’s my way of ridding my demons in the time I have alone.
Despite having had a drink tonight, my views have remained unchanged. I’ve done this, it’s conscious.Â
I can also undo this, it’s conscious.
We can all do this.
Hi
From the pains of my gambling I thought I could do it on my own.
I questioned if the recovery program would stop me gambling.
I am a non religious person so did that make me a diccerent kind of person.
I like many people walked in to the recovery program thinking if I could stop gambling I would be fine, not true for me.
The addictions and obsessions only indicated how emotionally vulnerable I was.
Each time I went back to unhealthy indciated one of my emotional triggers.
My emotional triggers were my pains I could not heal, my fears I could not face or reduce, my frustrations were due to my unreasonable expectations of people life and situation, another triggers were feelings of loneliness and my feelings of boredom.
Each tiem I went back to gambling it was painful yet another lesson fro me to learn from.
Sadly when I got drunk I was already escaping in my fears and not being abale to cope emotionally.
When I got drunk it made simpler because I could not think clearly.
When I got drunk I was worried if I taklked to much about my emotions and my feelings.
It is not very helpful to beat our self up and cause our self more pains.
In the recovery program we heal our hurt inner child and also learn to be kind and gentle with our self, causing our self more pains just make things much worse.
By reaching out to this site and live meetings is life saver.
If we trully want to be saved.
It seems so hard to get honest with our self.
With betrayal and our lies we are running away in fear and trying to get away from our self.
Our betrayal and our lies causes us fear through our own healthy conscience.
Living in fear and keeping deep sectrets is very unhealthy for us.
Do we really think that our partners do not know that some thing is not quite right.
When we run away in our fears and go to unhealthy habits we re trully causing our self many pains.
The recovery program is about healing our pains.
Love and peace to every one
Dave L
AKA Dave of Beckenham UK
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
