For My Family....

Day 23..... no gambling.

Sitting watching the build up to the game on Sky and the number of adverts for gambling firms is quite scary. Especially as my kids are sitting watching. Find myself changing the channel when the adverts come on.

Doesn't make me want to gamble, just makes me feel sad.

Proudarab wrote:

I honestly think we should lobby for these adverts to be banned in the same way as tobacco and alcohol.

Permitting companies to entice the masses into a debt and stress ridden world that destroys families and lives is morally wrong.

s******s at best

Sbb

(Good result for your team last night, hope you and kids enjoyed it - stay strong)!!

Day 23..... no gambling.

Sitting watching the build up to the game on Sky and the number of adverts for gambling firms is quite scary. Especially as my kids are sitting watching. Find myself changing the channel when the adverts come on.

Doesn't make me want to gamble, just makes me feel sad.

Well donemate, your going strong. Just started my diary and I'm on day 1.

Hope I can get to 21 days.
Well done.

Day 25...

Quarter of a century done. Nothing has changed re situation and still guilt ridden and full of remorse. Guess that won't change until I come clean. Less than 3 weeks to Christmas now though so that won't be happening in the very near future. Kids and wife are so excited about Christmas. If only they knew what a disaster of a human being lived under the same roof.

Hope everyone is well.

Day 26.....

Keep going Proudarab, one day at a tme. You are turning a corner. Might not seem so right now but brighter days ARE ahead. And try not to be too hard on yourself and make as resourceful a Christmas as you can. In 20 short months, without gambling, your are heading for such a brighter future! And until then, you'll feel start to happier as you have got back your control! Keep it going.

Day 27....

Spent a little time on here last night reading the various threads. It's great reading the support and advice given out by people who have been in the same position. Really gives me great hope that I will never go back to that horrible place.

I watched Gillette Soccer Special last night and had absolutely no urge to gamble. However by the time the games were nearing half time I found it extremely boring. Grown men getting excited as they sit and watch games on TV. The only reason I watched it before was to keep an eye on how my bets were getting on. Watched a couple episodes of "The Wire" instead and had a check on the football scores later. I love my football however I'm now loving my football without giving a toss who wins. It makes a huge difference to the level of enjoyment.

Have a good day everyone.

PA

Day 28..... 4 weeks. Feels like 4 years.

Life seems to move so slowly now. Really struggling to focus today, I've done nothing but eat all day. The boss keeps bringing in sweets and chocolates as its Xmas.

Eating so much just makes me feel rubbish, mainly about myself. Nothing new there then.

Hi Proudarab

Apologies not been on here for a while, so many interesting similarities.

I've been free of gambling for 2 months now and definitely have up and down days, don't feel like gambling but the reality hits home every now and again of how long it will take to get the money back I lost. However what it does explain to me is that while gambling I had no perception of the value of money and now every penny sort of counts.

I also love my football and thought I loved watching cricket and tennis however I've only watched one tennis match since, but agree it's lovely watching football without having gambling on your mind.

Interesting you talk about the wire Ive started watching box sets and have become a little addicted to them.

The thing about telling your wife and the reason I think a lot of us have been encouraging you to tell her is once it's out I the open its very liberating it's like gambling can't harm you anymore as you've stopped and ypur partner in life knows. Also if she sticks by you and we're all rooting for you that she does then you will really feel like you can move on and start to restore her faith in you.

I get why you don't want to before Christmas and you must do what's best for you but those hating your self days will probabaly not stop until you've come clean as that's part of the reason you feel so guilty some days, because your living part of the lie still.

Anyway well done on staying clean and hope all stays well mate

Chris

Ps I must be a bit dumb as I can't work out who your team is!

Hey Proudarab,

Glad to seen you are still staying clean and thank you for your kind words a few days ago. I definitely found telling my partner the hardest part of this whole experience but once we had both finished going a bit mental and had both calmed down it was actually a massive relief. Its not going to be easy but what in life is?

keep your chin up man!

Thanks for the posts guys. Chris it's great to hear from you. You didn't say how you're doing though. Hopefully all is well and you are looking forward to Christmas.

I've had a tough day today. What everyone is saying about coming clean, I am realising that I have to do this very soon.

Tonight I was in the same room as my wife, my kids, my inlaws and my sister in law and nephew. So many people, all enjoying the kids antics and looking forward to Christmas. Me.... well I was sitting there looking around the room and I've never felt so alone. Thinking that this time next week all of these people might hate me when they've found out what I've done. Not my kids obviously, they're too little to know. I'm becoming paranoid, I almost jump every time my wife speaks, worried what she's about to say.

This idea to keep it to myself over Christmas was not a good one. Please let me find the courage to come clean over the weekend. I can't carry this around anymore.

Sorry for the doom and gloom guys. Hope you are all well and I will be on the real road to recovery soon. x

Sending you positive thoughts........

I hope you can find the strength to discuss it, as it is clearly a big burden you are carrying around with you 24/7.

Having followed your diary - I know you are truely remorseful and love your wife and kids.

I hope that once the dust settles your good lady will be there for you, and Christmas can be a time for you all to look forward to a happer future.

Many on here rooting for you.

Sbb

Thanks for your words SBB,

Not sure I'll get the opportunity today as kids here all day.

Feel awful. Slept terrible. All I can think of is my impending confession and the mountain of debt I have got myself into. It's just brutal.

Proudarab wrote:

Thanks for your words SBB,

Not sure I'll get the opportunity today as kids here all day.

Feel awful. Slept terrible. All I can think of is my impending confession and the mountain of debt I have got myself into. It's just brutal.

Oh do I know where you are right now!

There is never going to be a right time mate, don't hold it in too much longer, it festers and will make you ill.

It will get better (more than can be said about that team of yours :)).

Sbb

Thanks mate, that comment made me chuckle. For Chris Zola, my team wear tangerine and we beat Barcelona 4 times.

The thing with me SBB is I start every day on such a downer and I must talk myself into saying that things will be alright as the day goes on. That way I go to sleep ok but wake up in a cold sweat at 5am every morning when the reality hits me. I have been having really weird dreams too.

I think it's the thought of coming clean that's the issue. Once it's done it's done, then the only way is up. I know that I need help and fully intend on getting counselling and attending GA to see what it's like. Have you done that? I'm terrified at the thought of GA but I know it's something I need to do.

The debts are not going anywhere and are something I need to deal with. However as long as I deal with them then they are only going to come down. I know exactly how much is on each credit card and how much interest is charged each month. And I've worked out income and expenditure so hopefully I can apply for a debt repayment plan and it will be accepted. Its the interest that's the killer. Maybe I should've thought of that before falling back into my old ways.