For My Family....

ProudArab - My nights of insomnia brought on by worry and guilt have crippled me for many years, i now have a habit of listening to some form of talk radio all night - which i found distracted my thoughts. I have a massive spreadsheet with every incoming and outgoing on it (over a twelve month period), its a realistic plan which pays bills first, eats into debt second, but still provides enough for my family to function (and me to have a few beers on a Friday (well ok more than a few).

My goals are holidays - weekends away with mates, bucket list places and family holidays, every day i dont gamble im a day closer and £30 - £35 more able to afford these things.

Christmas is looming and for the first time in many years i will afford it and appreciate it.

I have a cracking job, so despite having lost somewhere in the region of £250k over the last 20 years dont have too much debt...just a shocking credit rating.....which i can live with !

I have considered GA in the past, but really feel i have this beaten this time, thats not to say i wouldnt benefit from it.

If your location relates to the team you support, im not all that far away, so if and when the time comes that you wish to attend, i would be willing to attend too if that might help.

Just had a couple in local, sat watching all the regulars shouting on their horses and then going back to the racing pages of the sun and daily record to try again and again.......me ? I read my kindle and really enjoyed my calm and peacefulness.

About to watch my newco beat the jam tarts, without worrying about bookings, winning margins or corners.

Life can be good again, life IS good.

Postive thoughts

Sbb

Hi SBB,

Yep unfortunately I have a lot of debt but at the end of the day, even if the money had been mine in the first place it would still be lost gambling. Just something I'll have to learn to live with which you seem to be doing.

Very kind offer re the GA meeting but I think it's something I have to do myself. Even if it isn't for me in the long run I have to give it a go and shock hopefully shock myself into the reality of what's happened. Probably help to meet people in the same position. No saying we can't go for a pint in the future and enjoy watching a game with nothing riding on it.

I live 20 miles north of my teams city although I work there. And that's the location of nearest meeting.

Hey arab,

No talk of football tonight from me :).

Great news that you are thinking about GA. You make that step it will show that you really do want to beat this.

I first went to a GA meeting in Edinburgh about 16 years ago and I couldn't believe how good I felt coming out of there. A group of people who had been in my position and who didn't judge me for any of my admissions. I think if I'd kept going I would never have started again.

I live and work in England now and due to my working pattern it's not possible for me to attend GA but I do attend 1 2 1 counselling and it's played a huge part in my recovery.

You seem to know what needs to be done and I wish you luck with it all.

Damo

Hi Damo,

Thanks mate, nice of you to say. Feeling a lot more positive than I was this morning.

I say constantly that I'm never going to gamble again however I guess only naturally for an addict, my mind wanders towards gambling now and again. So I know I need help. Also possibly because it's not the first time I've been here. Pity I hadn't reached out first time round.

Last time it happened my wife said it was my last chance, I have no idea why I started again so all I can put it down to is that I am an addict. Therefore I need help with this. The correct blocks were never put in place.

But even though I'm fairly terrified of walking into my first GA meeting, I'm also strangely looking forward to it. Would be nice to chat to someone face to face that knows what I'm going through.

Hi PA

I have posted to you before with an account I had to close (Half-Life). I know you are waiting until after Christmas to come clean but why not start getting the debt arrangements in place in the meantime? Mr L used Payplan and others here have found Stepchange equally helpful. It's another string to your bow when it comes to showing your wife you mean business.

Hi L,

I have been in touch with Stepchange and have done the remedy tool on their site and spoke to someone.

However do they not need to take into account both of our earnings and outgoings to work out what I can pay?? Don't really want to do that without permission from my wife.

Nice to hear from you. How are things with you? I'm planning on telling my wife on Monday. I know it's getting close to Xmas but I can't carry this secret around any longer. The sooner I start dealing with this whole mess the better for everyone.

Hi PA

Things are still good, thanks for asking although we had a small blip last week when I discovered the figure I thought would clear what Mr L owed our youngest was actually double the amount I had believed it to be but whatever. It is what it is and he's now had the cash he lost a few years back which is a satisfying feeling.

re the DMP I believe they may take your wife's earnings into account but if her income is less than yours the bills can be split proportionally along those lines. The details are a bit hazy now as it was a few years back.

Good to hear you're planning on telling your wife sooner rather than later. Secrets fester as you know and whichever way it goes getting it out in the open can only do you good.

32 days gamble free today and this chapter has come to a close.

I'm starting a new diary this afternoon.... For my family chapter 2.