For My Family....

Hey Arab,

Great to read you are thinking of GA. Most (not all I know) of the people who have had long term success with stopping gambling go down the GA or counselling route.

May not turn out to work for you but at least give it a go.

Good luck.

Damo

Day 14.... 2 weeks!! Haven't had any urge to gamble but I know that could change any time.

Been reading posts on Facebook by a guy I know quite well. I believe he's split from his wife, nothing to do with gambling I wouldn't think. He seems in a pretty dark place right now so sent him a message of support.

Three weeks ago I wouldn't have done that as I would have been scanning to see who is playing tonight and how much more debt I could get into. Not gonna beat myself up today.

Hope you're all doing well this morning.

Day 15.... feeling low today.

My wife asked me last night if I was in debt again and I said no!! I lied to her and I feel awful. Didn't sleep last night. Why can't I just open up!!!! I feel like my world is falling apart around me. Can't even tell my wife the truth, what kind of human being am I!!!!

Spent most of the morning looking up debt advice. Gambling has ruined me.

Does anyone have any experience of setting up debt repayments through Stepchange? Any input would be good please.

Day 16.... no gambling today. Watching match of the day now safely in the knowledge I didn't get into more debt betting on any of these games.

Day 17... just about bedtime and feeling really low today.

Can't stop thinking about the chaos I have caused. The massive debt I have got into and the impact it's going to have on my wife and kids. I got married 10 years ago and all I ever wanted was to be a great husband and father. Couldn't have been much worse.

Morning,

I was kept in the dark, and I take a really dim view of it, so on that basis....

It's not December yet, there are four weeks until Xmas, then it's Boxing Day, family time etc, then it's the New Year and more holiday time and bonding and you don't want to spoil that or get her New Year off to a bad start, then Valentines Day is only a few short weeks away....my point is that there simply isn't going to be a good time to tell.

It's not the debt that's toxic, the debt is merely frustrating but the not telling is very toxic. And toxic just festers and gets worse. As you are finding.

Realistically, what sort of a fairytale Xmas are you in for, as things stand at the moment? No man is an island and she can tell that something's wrong.

If you bite the bullet, the blow out will be before Xmas and some of the dust will settle by Xmas. She'll have the same interest in making things as good as they can be for the kids.

We found out on a Monday and he stopped denying on a Tuesday. Yet come the first weekend, we had the family meals together as we usually do and my eldest and I agreed it was all surreal for appearing so normal.

And what you don't want to read: for me personally the worst experience was my own instinct and common sense telling me that something wasn't right and him firmly denying it. Financial loss is galling but money comes and money goes. The experience of not knowing what to believe, the confusion, being told I'm imagining it, that it's me...his taking away my grounding in reality, for me that was really cruel. Telling would put a stop to this sort of harm.

You can move forward a whole lot more effectively by telling. Whatever hiccups I'm encountering, he's been gf for about seventeen months.

Hope you keep on with your recovery.

CW

Day 19... feels like about 6 months if I'm honest.

Thanks to all who have taken the time to comment on my diary, it really is appreciated and great to get support from people who have been there or on the other end.

Feeling a little more positive today for some reason. I think the busier I keep at work it keeps my mind off things. Also been researching a lot about which route to go down re help with my debts so maybe being a bit more proactive helps things.

Don't know about anyone else but was becoming a little addicted to this site and checking the forums every half hour or so to see if anyone had commented or replied to any of my posts. Not very good so trying to stay off the site and just check up every now and again.

Me and my boys have season tickets for our favourite team and we have a huge match on Friday. It's first game we've been to since I came on this site. It's going to be enjoyable watching the whole game rather than watching the scores of 15 other different games on my phone!! Really looking forward to it.

Hope everyone is well.

Well done mate keep going. The best thing that happened is my partner finding out in a funny sort of way, it lifted a huge weight off my chest and although she got really upset about it rather than angry, the dust is starting to settle, I'm in debt also but thankfully it's manageable and I have set up a plan so I am paying lower amount on a weekly basis. I have had to get a debt relief order in the past due to gambling so much, I don't know why I decided to get another loan or indeed how I managed to get accepted but what's done is done.

Have you told your wife yet? If your debts aren't manageable you need to tell her before she finds out another way, trust me, i5 eats you up inside lying to your other half as you already seem to know. If your debt is that bad then get yourself down to citizens advice woth all the documents you have to say who you owe money too and let them help. It's always better to get help, I felt embarrassed and a failure asking for help but it's the only thing you can do by laying it all bare and then dealing with it after when your head and conscience is clear.

Good luck.

Proudarab wrote:

Day 19... feels like about 6 months if I'm honest.

Thanks to all who have taken the time to comment on my diary, it really is appreciated and great to get support from people who have been there or on the other end.

Feeling a little more positive today for some reason. I think the busier I keep at work it keeps my mind off things. Also been researching a lot about which route to go down re help with my debts so maybe being a bit more proactive helps things.

Don't know about anyone else but was becoming a little addicted to this site and checking the forums every half hour or so to see if anyone had commented or replied to any of my posts. Not very good so trying to stay off the site and just check up every now and again.

Me and my boys have season tickets for our favourite team and we have a huge match on Friday. It's first game we've been to since I came on this site. It's going to be enjoyable watching the whole game rather than watching the scores of 15 other different games on my phone!! Really looking forward to it.

Hope everyone is well.

I have been reading your diary with interest and you seem to be in a positive place (not sure you can be supporting that team but ill let you off 🙂 ).

You have a big hurdle to encounter that must be like a massive weight on your shoulders right now, (I know, because i have been there).

I think your approach of trying to get Xmas out the way is understandable, at the end of the day its your decision.

When the time comes if you can prove you are seeking help, have been free for x number of days, even possibly once the dust settles a bit let her read this diary......it might just give her the confidence you are worth supporting.

Stay strong - Regardless of whatever the next few weeks bring you have this disease beaten!! Dont forget that.

Sbb

Congrats on reaching 20 days today 🙂 I know what you mean about it feeling like 6 months....Day 29 for me today and it seems to be going very slowly....I have reached 100/200 days so many times before and until I get to triple figures I will not be happy!!! Have a great day 😉

Day 20....

Really busy stock taking today at work. Really boring but got to be done.

I've changed the title of my diary, when I started it I couldn't think of what to call it. However as the days go by all I think about is my family and they are the reason I am doing any of this. so I've changed it to "For my family"

Sbb, how did you guess the team?? Did you let your wife read your diary? Not sure mine would appreciate me writing down my thoughts for others to read before she knows to be honest.

Hey arab,

Great to read you sre still going strong and thinks are starting to look up for you. 20 days is a great achievement and is probably the hardest 20 days you will face on your journey.

If your profile name is a hint towards the team you support i will be cheering you on, on friday night. Playing my teams arch rivals i suspect.

Wish you the best.
Damo

ITDamo wrote:

Hey arab,

Great to read you sre still going strong and thinks are starting to look up for you. 20 days is a great achievement and is probably the hardest 20 days you will face on your journey.

If your profile name is a hint towards the team you support i will be cheering you on, on friday night. Playing my teams arch rivals i suspect.

Wish you the best.
Damo

Well ITDamo's team just embarrassed my team tonight 🙂 Yes it was kind of obvious from your profile name. To answer your question, yes I have let her read this, of course I got the 'actions speak louder than words' conversation.....but I'm sure it helped her understand a little more.

I have found honesty not only to be the best policy but also very cathartic.

Keep going 🙂

Thanks for your comments guys. Strangely enough I forgot your teams were playing last night and didn't even know the score until this morning. Back in the gambling days I would've been checking the score on my phone every 3 seconds as I'd have had a bet on something or other!! It's a nice feeling not doing that now.

Day 21 today... 3 weeks which feels like 3 months, in a good way. Gambling seems like a distant memory and I feel so much different in myself. Just the hard part to deal with now. However as long as I know I'm not gambling I can deal with coming clean, being honest and paying back my debts. I'm never going to gamble ever again!!