Because thats what it is. No More. How Will i cope with that?
I have too now. its gone too far. i will start from the beginning.
7 years old and in the pub regulary every weekend WITHOUT fail with my mum and dad. The next thing i remember is playing the fruit machine. AT 7 YEARS OLD!
Thinking back now, how is that possible? My mum, dad, barman, and regulars all ok with it. I remember being obsessed then. Watching other people on it telling them how to play and whats the best thing to do on a feature. I repeat, AT 7 YEARS OLD! i thought it was normal at the time. my dad was and i say was because he is now in recovery, a massive gambler. involved in greyhound racing all his life. I used to go to the dogs with him at a young age. So that's the start if it. I still played fruit machines up until 18. Then I could go into the bookies. I worked very hard and played very hard at the same time. Work, drink, bookies! That was me!that was my life. That's how everyone new me and still do to this day. Not so much the drinking now that is only a weekly occurrence and rarely get drunk because I knocked that on the head when I first met my wife when I was 19. The gambling didn't stop though. It only got worse. She never new. She only found out how bad I was a year ago after I lost all my wages and THIS time there was no one to bail me out. So we were together a year and then she became pregnant. It never stopped me I still continued to gamble. Getting more into financial difficulty I took more loans. Debt was piling up and has continued to do so ever since. 2 years ago I received 16,500 in inheritance from my nan passing away. What do you think happened there? My stakes rose dramatically and I won 5,000 the first week of having my inheritance. I felt on top if the world as I always do when I have won! You feel unbeatable! Nothing in the world can drag you down. 6 weeks later everything had gone. The 5,000 winnings then about 8,000 of my own money. 13,000. WHAT? In just over a month? Everything I had promised my wife and daughter GONE! I had to lie to say I had paid off some of our loans to stop my missus finding out I also had about 8,000 off my mum over the next few months which (lets face it) ended up in the bookies. Every month since then I have chased that money back on payday. I work so hard for my family but have nearly destroyed everything in many occasions. In my short life and just 7 years of gambling since I was 18 I would estimate that I have lost in the region of 50,000 plus. I only earn 15,000 a year!!! I haven't had a bet for 3 days but it feels like I have lost a part of me. I love my football but how am I going to watch that without having a bet? I will!! I have too!!! What am I going to talk to my friends about other than gambling? It sounds silly but what? I have accepted it now! I will not have a bet again bit how will I cope?
I hope that all makes sense.
Cheers
Gazza
Gazza
fella welcome to the forum,a place where you will receive a wealth of help,support and some amazing advice form like minded folk who all want the same thing in life.
To end the misery that the compulsion to gamble has waged upon their own lives and to end the destruction that it has brought to others.
My friend you have a very similar,frighteningly similar story to my own gambling life,two things differ,firstly I did not find the courage to face my own addiction until I was 37 and my own father has never found the courage,he is to my knowledge still an active compulsive gambler.
At 26 years old my friend you still have the opportunity to gift yourself a life,one without the constant destructive cycle that is gambling
By and large we all share whilst gambling the same mantra
I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP
win or lose the result is the same,we relentlessly gamble on until there is nothing else to give,the 'walk of shame' the self loathing,the false promise of never placing another punt again become all to common in our lives,for me without doubt the addiction is progressive in nature,the stakes raise,with that the losses too.
My advice is this take all the help out there,be honest with yourself,the journey you have found the courage to take is one that will be difficult,addiction plays dirty,it will use every trick in the book to try and lure you back,more false promises of bigger wins,it will kid you that gambling is your best friend,it will take all you can gift it and more if you let it.
The first day on my own recovery journey a fella in my GA room gifted me this great advice,it still works today
There is a triangle
Time-money-location
take one away at all times and the punt becomes impossible,gifting the rational side of your brain time to think,time to find the courage to say not today,not now,without gambling I actually win.
There is a true irony in that.
Three days ago Gazza you decided to become a winner too,a choice you and only you can make,take things a day at a time
Again well done for finding the courage to face your own addiction.
Recovery is a gift,the one selfish act you can give yourself in life that will have not only a profound effect upon your life but that of those folk you hold dear.
My hope is you take as much from this amazing forum as I have and continue to do.
The choice is yours.
The footsteps our parents make we often follow,if you find the same courage as your father,embrace recovery like he has,then life will gift you the same it has him
That being a 'life'
My support to you the same as to 'Bob'
Unconditional
Be kind to yourself fella
Most of all enjoy it
Duncs stepping forward never back
Gazza
welcome to the forum
Firstly well done for posting and finding the strength to do so , you have took the most important step admitting the problem and seeking help and support
today is a new day a fresh start yesterday has gone we cannot change the past but the future is our own destiny , its really important now to accept your losses the money is gone and won't be coming back and that's the tough part once you have accepted this you can start to move forward
here you will find your not alone people do understand we don't judge just support so read plenty of other posts which will.help a lot , gambling has took so much from you and it will take everything if you let it the money is a big loss but in time can be replaced losing loved ones will not be so easy
some say we have to hit our rock bottom before we can start to try and stop so is this your rock bottom ? I didn't quite meet mine but I wasn't far off after 26 years I eventually had enough , the change you question yes is so hard goin from the one thing we spend every day doing and thinking about and then to just stop it takes time to adjust.
One day at a time is the only way and each day make that choice not to gamble , its tough I have relapsed 5 times in two and half years of my recovery the key is though never give up my life is so much better now than it was no near perfect as yes it will always be a part of me and some days will be tough
stick around make full use of this site , I wish you all the best
castle2
Thank you dad, Duncan and castle.
Castle, you asked if this is my rock bottom? I have to say I have hit it so many times. The worst when I realised my inheritance had gone. I did not act on my gambling as I saw it as the only way to get my inheritance back. My stakes never dropped even after my inheritance had gone. Duncan, that is some great advice and I will use it that triangle is very true and I will remember that. Thank you all again. Some great advice.
day off today, missus in a terrible mood, just going down the shop to get some baccy. money in my pocket and bookies 2 doors up from the shop. i would normally go in there. sod that. not happening. 2 fingers to that s*******. day 4 bring it on!!!!
another day done!
bring it on!!
Hi Gazza
Very well done
Suzanne xx
thanks suzanne.
i feel good. really good. althought its been only 4 days i feel clear headed and looking forward.
off to bed now.
ready for tomorrow
bring it on
night all
gazza
Hi Gazza,
Welcome to this supportive site and well done for making initial steps in your journey. Take it day at a time, keep writing in your diary, read others, and keep fighting this good fight. Life is a lot better without destruction crossing your path, you and your family deserves peace in your lives. You are surely on a right track. Keep it up!!
Sandra
thanks sandra
been at work today, no bets so another day done.
few urges though and a few thoughts which i didnt expect as the last few days have been relatively easy.
will learn from that and keep my guard up.
day 6 tomorrow
bring it on
Hi Gazza
Very well done again on day 5
Bring it on I do like that catch
On here I use it at work
Suzanne xx
Thanks again Suzanne!
At work again today. My 6th day without a bet. Yesterday was a little tough as had a few thoughts. Today will be easier.Nearly a werk now
Bring It On!!
Gazza
fella this journey won't be easy,there will be times when you think 'what's the point??'
those days when you beat them up,throw all you have to give to recovery,will gift you a great resolve.
I know finding recovery has been for me much more than just arresting the punt,it has been an overhaul of my entire thinking.
Gambling made me live life through a glass that was half empty,everything seemed to go against me,truth is gambling made life swim against me.
Recovery topped my glass up,it's half full,life is a gift.
You gifted yourself the same my friend,for that be proud
I feel your energy leaping from the page.
Well done
Keep making the right choice
Duncs stepping forward never back
Morning everyone.
After today I would have been a week bet free!! Last few days I have had a few urges but kept them under wraps and everytime I thought about it I came on here.
Anyway, day off today after a few days working hard. World Cup just round the corner. I'm looking forward to watching a game without a bet. All my life football has been my life but I have realised gambling now gambling took over that. Darts I think soon aswell. Iam going to appreciate these sports for what they are again not on a betting slip.
Have a good bet free day people
Bring it on!!!
a great day today!!!
day off, my wife and 4 yr old.daughter went to a party. Any other day i would be straight down the bookies. My first.thought was "get down there"
f**k you bookies. your not my friend anymore!!"
I honestly cant begin to describe the feeling afterwards. It was reliedlf that i dont have to go there!!
I think ive done this! i think ive beaten.it!!
its only been a week so i will keep my "guard up" as my dad says but i can feel a non gambling life!!
Bring it on!!!!
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