When I say this, I don't necessarily mean physical appearance even though it can. What I mean us, that it can make you a bad, hateful, bitter, spiteful person.
I am all these things. I'm ugly, bad, hateful, bitter and a spiteful person. This is what gambling has made me. I'm well and truly disgusting.
I lost my beautiful girlfriend when she found out about my gambling. I lost where I was living. I'm now a loser living with my mum with nothing because of gambling. I'm nearly 39 years old. I'm a sick disgusting human being. It's awful reading about people suffering because if greed and addiction. I've failed in life. I've failed my now ex girlfriend and I've failed anyone who is sad enough to care about a s**m bag like me. And before the forum group leader or whoever messages me asking if I want to arrange a phonecall to talk to someone....I don't want to. Unfortunately it doesn't help me. I know what I need to do. And that is to stop gambling. I want to be a good person.
Hi mate, I completely understand every word you say. I have said it to myself a thousand times, so much shame and disgust because I know if gambling weren’t there I would never be that person cos deep down like most of us I’m proud and respectful. The fact you feel all of that shows that’s not really you. The only thing that’s DISGUSTING is GAMBLING!!!!!! However each one of us goes through our own journey that’s one thing we should realise. I used to be happy, real happy! Not fake happy having won £1000 on a bet. Gambling is making the biggest mug of all of us and we self loathe our character all cos of this dumb buzz we get from winning a few quid. I recently relapsed offer a few months gamble free. Tend to be the same thing with me. 2-4 months gamble free then a stupid binge! I just try not to hate myself as much these days. I’m sure your a good person mate! Wish you all the best with your journey.
Thanks very much. I'm the same. Don't gamble for ages and then I just relapse like crazy and it makes no difference in the end as any money saved goes. I well and truly won't be happy again. I lost everything.
Morning X M,
After reading your message on the forum i sense that you're heading in the right direction that gambling is really ugly etc. However, I do have a few suggestions for you:
1. Buy yourself a copy of Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters from any good book store for £6.99, as he explains this chimp in great detail
2. Gambling is not on the life menu as history had shown. Even from the Bible Ten Commandments 'You shall not covet your neighbor's goods'
Please read through some of the comments that I have made and follow it religiously.
All the best.
Xoi
Morning X M,
After reading your message on the forum i sense that you're heading in the right direction that gambling is really ugly etc. However, I do have a few suggestions for you:
1. Buy yourself a copy of Chimp Paradox by Steve Peters from any good book store for £6.99, as he explains this chimp in great detail
2. Gambling is not on the life menu as history had shown. Even from the Bible Ten Commandments 'You shall not covet your neighbor's goods'
Please read through some of the comments that I have made and follow it religiously.
All the best.
Xoi
I would absolutely back up this recommendation of Chimp Paradox(mind management). It is an excellent read and can really change your way of thinking.It turned me from a bitter angry person, to someone who cares about others and their point of view.I am also not too far away from a year GF.
I was looking at that book and was speaking to my friend about it. It has so many mixed reviews but I suppose that it can't do any harm.
This is the best investment ever. If you can get a hold of this book from your local library then reverse it. Worth a read, and who knows, it may change your life and outlook.
All the best
Xoi
Ps keep the monkey at bay
I understand very well what you mean. But I still need to say that I disagree. I know a lot of compulsive gamblers and they are beautiful persons with fantastic personalities. Loving, caring, reaching out to help people in need and they are aware of other peoples flaws and accept them since they are aware of their own.
An addict in active addiction may not be very beautiful but as soon as the mind is set on recovery this will change fast.
I still consider myself a decent person with a horrible addiction. I have done some things I am not proud of but I am convinced that I can make a lot of things right again if I really, really make changes. I am sure you can too and that you will find yourself to be less ugly and bitter day by day.
Be kind to yourself. It does not help recovery to see only the bad stuff!
The Chimp is alway ugly, however, you could overcome this by putting things in place. There is no way of a chance of battling this addiction by yourself. Is like putting you in a boxing ring with Mike Tyson.
I am trying not to state the obvious, that all forms of warfare is ugly and unnecessary. Gambling should be seen as a battlefield and only the fittest survived.
I hope this information helps.
Stay safe, calm and take one day at a time.
Xoi
Hello @x-m and thank you for sharing on the Forum,
Firstly, I am really sorry you are feeling this way, It is not easy dealing with problem gambling. Gambling is cunning, powerful, and baffling and without support can sometimes be too much.
As I am sure you have found already, the Forum is a welcoming and supportive space which allows you to talk to others who may also be experiencing similar issues to yourself.
Gambling can have a huge effect on your self-esteem and self-worth. You are not a bad and spiteful person, just someone who is suffering with problem gambling, and the important thing to acknowledge is you have reached out here, and that is really positive.
It is great that you are taking some action, striving to stop gambling, and become that better person you want to be. This is where your recovery can begin and grow. There is plenty of additional support if you would like it and we will always be here for you if you need.
Keep posting and sharing
Regards
Dan
Forum Admin
I'll buy a copy
Yeah only the fittest survive but a lot of people are undeservedly weak. It's unfair for them to not survive.
You know a lot of compulsive gamblers that are good people? That's because they probably are. I'm not talking about everyone else. I'm talking about myself and the people I've hurt and let down because of gambling. It's an addiction but it's still a choice too.
Thank you
Hi XM,
It isn't a choice once you're hooked choices go out of the window. Does a heroin addict tie a band around his arm tightly in order to find a vein to inject out of choice ?. Until you begin to understand addiction recovery can't truly begin. Feeding a habit becomes first & foremost, because we're addicts who've lost control. Sure we've lost love & respect, sometimes whole families but ask yourself this if we learn to deal with addiction and control it will life become better or worse ?.
I ain't no RELATE counsellor, can't advise you of the chances of getting the love of your life back. But in dealing with the addiction, realizing stopping is a life time commitment, I've no doubt you can be someone who'll attract someone who'll see you for your strength, sincerity who's risen from the ashes. Don't give up mate.
Al
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