Gambling- the sure way of getting nothing from something! 11th May 2014

Robby

Fella a slip is only that if it is rectified in my mind, you fella are doing the right thing, addressing the whys? the how can I stop it from happening again

From acorns oaks grow

I learnt a valuable lesson as to why for me gambling is totally unacceptable in my life, because I know the affect it has on those I hold dear by me destructing my own mental strength and well being

I hope the same applies for you.

Lesson learnt

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks for post Dunc,your right the only way to right my wrong is to abstain.

I know why I gambled,the thought of getting out of debt quicker than september was my thinking. After spending the majority of my adult life in debt,I just want the repayments finished.

Gamblers aren't patient,but I've gota learn to be.

Had a great arvo,the calm of the past 3 and half months has returned.

I like the new relaxed me,jekyll and hyde compared to thursday when I couldn't get a bet on quick enough.

I aint goin there again,I'm gona make sure I haven't got masses of funds avaliable to me,I should of lowered or cancelled my overdraft when I paid it,lesson learnt.

What a day,a great family wkd!

I'n a way I'm glad I messed up,a chance to start afresh once again- it taught me a lesson.made me re-think my approach,make sure it will not happen in the future.

That first bet always leads to a uncontrollable,self destructive mad couple of hours where I just lose all concept of money or consequences.

Reading lazaraus inspiring diary gave me a few lightbulb moments.

Im gona nick his idea of small targets,my first target is 36 days,I'm on day 3 today.

I wana get to that point where I don't care what money I have or don't have,getting my overdraft paid off is my first aim.

I buy a paper on a sat,just for the tv guide. Yeah right o. That's gona stop,I always go straight to the racing/footy betting page.

I often flick over to atr,more habit than anything else,that's gota stop.

Overdraft and c'card are goin. I've no need to use them once there paid off.

I've got 2 young girls,2 and 5. My time is pretty well occupied,they deserve all my attention.

We bought a footy and goal posts today,more for me than them,great fun was had,all for £13!

Day 4/36- been for a run,try to clear my head. That devil has been on my shoulder all nite,but I aint listiening.

A busy day ahead,need my mind occupied,got to forget about my recent loss or more will defo follow,I've gota be the worlds worst gambler!

Mission today is to lower my c'card limit,hopefully get rid at the end of the month.

Just for today I shall not gamble.

Hi Robby and thank you for your post. It gladdened me to hear you took something from my diary. Usually I just write nonesense but there's the odd pearl of wisdom to be found. Giving up gambling for me was never easy. I had to learn the hard, hard way over many years. There will be many triggers to relapse, financial pressures, boredom, stress, complacency, believing you can control gambling and yes taking part in 'fantasy' betting. I used to also pretend to gamble on horses or footy results. All I was doing there was keeping the embers burning until they burst back into an uncontrollable blaze. Even listening to my friends tales of gambling and winning, excited me unknowingly and led to countless triggered relapses.

I had to change everything this time, whenever my mates start to talk about gambling I leap on their backs and strangle them until they shut up, this is essential. It may look stupid because we're all old now and it may test our friendship but this approach has kept me clean and relatively sane.

I've had to accept that I'm a gambling J****E but the next 'score' will only lead to ruin for it controls me, I cannot control it.

Yet it's not all doom and gloom. As soon as you decide that you are going to give up gambling life begins to get better. There will be moments of joy, boredom, frustration, hope, hopelessness, all the feelings of the spectrum in the first few weeks/months but you MUST accept them and ride them out, determined to accept and watch them pass. You will have good days and bad days but this is normal, never seek gambling as the way out. This is not the solution and it just means you have to go through 'this journey' again. Eventually, before you know it you've weaned yourself off the 'dopamine' buzz of gambling and the brain's natural inhibitors repair themselves and for some reason, a natural reason, you start to feel good and positive more times than not. You begin to see the world, your family, everything, for what it really is, beautiful, valuable, achievable. Your no longer seeing it through the eyes of a gambler, blinkered, selfish, fearful.

You'll know when you get there. All you can do is take it day by day, above all else be patient, calm and just let it happen. Make sure that your physical barriers are in place and watertight because the gambling J****E in you will try every trick in the book to get that first ruinous bet placed. Reinforce the barriers in your mind, think of all the 'suits' in the city who own and run these betting shops sipping champagne, driving round in Porches to drop off their Kids at public school, laughing as the know its all being paid for by the likes of us.

Finally, when you're trying to get through a desert to safety you don't think about the end destination. You break it down into smaller achievable distances. You think, I'm going to walk to that dune, then that rock etc. this keeps the motivation high and the mind focused. Eventually by this method you get through the desert and to safety. Likewise, set goals, broken down, like days, a week, two weeks, 20 days, month etc, it doesn't matter, just as long as it motivates you and buys you time to wean yourself off that 'dopamine' artificial high we all craved and gives a chance for the brain to stabilise and repair itself.

I believe you can do it Rob simply because you want to, if you have the desire and the willingness to try, the character to pick yourself up and dust yourself down if things go pear shaped, yet learn by them, then eventually you will succeed.

I wish you all the very best. Be patient, be calm, one day at a time.

Lazarus

Thanks for the reply Lazarus,much appreciated.

I`ve taken a lot on board,and believe me you do have a lot of pearls of wisdom in your diary.

Ive been trying to give up this baffling,soul destroying addiction on and off for the past 14 years,i do go long periods without a gamble,i suppose you could call me a binge gambler.

I think i dont quite get to that point where as i naturally start to feel better,probably because ive kept those embers burning by taking an interest in odds/racing etc.

It is time to let go,ive just abstained for 104 days before my latest fall,ive had a taste of what life can be like,without all the stress and problems gambling causes,lifes hard enough.

My new approach starts today,im ready.

36 days is my target.Day 4 goin well.

Day 5/36, - Gd morning diary,busy day ahead,urges have subsided for now,the gambling me had a masterplan on sat that pestered me all sun and monday to trying and recoup last weeks loses on man city,- that would of gone t**s up,gord knows where I'd be at if I'd had listened.

Another step up the ladder,urge was beaten,let's move on.

I feel I can truly try my new approach now,betting sites are banned for a sneaky look at odds etc,let's put that fire out for good.

Just for today I shall not gamble.

Robby,

I am glad the urges have subsided and delighted to see you didn't place that bet last night.

Fully commit yourself to this now and you will achieve all that you want. Laz posted a great post on your diary before and outlines recovery brilliantly. Keep getting through the days and then all of a sudden you will feel great happiness and peace.

Tomso.

Hi Robby

Really sorry to hear about your setback. I've told myself the 'just a hundred pounds a week profit would be good' so put £100 on 50:50. Next thing I'm putting thousands on. In the long run we will lose because we ll always go back. This is what I now say to myself - great I could win £100 a couple of weeks running but that won't mean anything when I lose £1k the next week.

Your back on the right track. Use this to get stronger.

Keep in touch mate

Stu

Day 8/36- thanks for the post Stu.

Yeah your right,I dunno where the little voice in my head comes from,just win a 100 a week,a day- complete madness,its the addiction sucking me back in,just gota keep saying no!

Been very busy the last couple of days,this bad weather creates work,really feel for the people in flood areas,work has kept my mind occupied.

I really am realising gambling has no place in my life.

Quarter the way to my target 2mo,busy day ahead again which is good.

Hi Robby

Hope things are still going ok, best wishes

Thanks for the post captain,- no is the answer to your question,put my self through 10 days of stress and hell,10 days that have seemed to have lasted a lifetime.

I can't begin to tell you how much better life had been between oct 13th and jan 20 whilst I was gamble free.

It has proved to me gambling not only effects my mind but my pyhsical health as well.

I've gota avoid it all costs,I know its wrong whilst I'm doing it,the key is to avoid that first bet.

I acted on a moment of weakness about 10 days a go,I deposited 400 to a site I'd never heard of,they give u a bonus of 150,I didn't read the terms,as soon as I deposited, £243 went into my accound and 307 went into a bonus account. You had to rollover the bonus just the 9 times!! Max bet of 50,that meant 40 bets had to be placed. I was gutted,I truly believe I would of withdrawn the 400,self excluded if I could.

First time I'd lost money without having even placing a bet!

I don't know how,but I managed to rollover the money within 3 days betting on every basketball game,tennis,volleyball game I could,I was back in the gambling zombie mode,nothing else in life mattered. Come wednesday I got my 400 back plus a bit of playing money,

Tried to withdraw,the money lay pending for 2 days,no phone number,just a email,eventually got told they need verification of my I'd,got the money up to 1400,still no withdrawal,my documents were unclear.

By this time I was completley stressed,i knew I'd lose the lot,I just wanted the money I requested to be withdrawn,it was just sitting there pending.

After 50 emails,getting myself all worked up,stressed, I got a withdrawal through,obviously I'd lost all that I had won,I didn't really care bout,I'd prefer to struggle than win the money.

Those bookies are legalised thieves,they know exactly what they are doing.

I can't blame anyone but myself,its felt like my whole world has come crashing down,financially I escaped,but its put me back to a place I don't want to be,

Day 1 2mo,a week is the new aim,very small steps has to be the way. Feel better all ready,I gota keep trying,I felt helpless bout 2 hours ago,this site is a life saver

Day 1- surprised my phone doesn't automatically type that!

Feeling down,P***** off,had been bouncing out of bed going for a run previously.

Just checked my bank,still no payment from the worst bookie I've ever dealt with,they're all conning robbing b******s but mo bi bet take the crown for being the worse,can't wait for the money to go back so I can self exclude and give them abuse,it will make me feel better.

I'm quite bitter at present.

But today I shall not gamble,I shall work out a plan and stick to it. I know wot to do,time is my friend,I need to build bk up to where I was and learn from my mistakes. I don't wana ever feel like this again.

Something has to be done in this country,I can't believe that there can't be a system that could be put in place to block payments to gambling sites if requested?

Day 1- at least I haven't started the day whacking £100 on a basketball game having under so many points. A positive start,brekkie now.then work.

Sorry to hear about your relapse Robby, we've all tasted how it feels and it's sickening. You did the right thing returning here and giving it another go, there have been many people who just gave in to it. Dust yourself down, pick yourself up, learn from it, they hold all the aces and none of us can ever really win. The money and indeed the experience is gone only your future matters now. Good luck, remember how this made you feel, take care.

LAzarus

Thanks for the support Lazaraus,ive just read my own diary,wanted to know when i start to feel better! i just wana scream at the moment.

Its not all about the money,ive only lost 150,tho its enough,its the way i feel,the lack of willpower,gambling had me back in its gr asp,-( why is that word blocked?)

Head down and work,gota get through today and that will lead to tomorrow.