Game Over

Hi Dean

Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life. Thanks for posting as it reminded me how tough times were when I first struggled with recovery. The mist will lift once your recovery gets under way. Self exclusion is a life saver. Some you can bar for life others is a year. Just get it done. Take one day at a time and be honest with yourself first of all.

Take care

Hi Dean

Just read your post and wow 20k can't believe it that is a life changing money. I lost 5k and was so angry with myself and I can only imagian how you feel.

My advice to you is hand your fiances to your partner first and if she dosent know you should tell her because sooner or later she will find out.

Arrange her to look after your accounts and debt.

If you travel buy your tickets in advance.

If you drive fill up the tank for the week/month.

Exclude your self from all the bookies you go into and in your area.

Keep your parnter updated on your progress if it helps and post on your dairy when you can.

Don't try to chase what you have lost because you will end up losing more pay your debt that you can afford.

Thanks smiler. Does the guilt and the thought of the debt ease as this is my main issue as just want it gone.

Imran, there's always someone worse off and in your case I'm that person!!!

If I told my partner everything would be over. As mad as it sounds I'm clever at moving money about, and have a good credit report and never missed a payment. Weird how someone like me can waste hundreds in a matter of minutes chasing a number!

If I do this, I do it on my own. I don't want handouts or help. I got myself in this mess, in will drag myself out of it.

20k is a lot of money.. but you have to talk to someone close . it will be very hard to get rid of it just by yourself.. I know you want to deal with it alone.But I also know how hard it is. I was clearing my debts myself and I was doing quiet well, but the fact that it takes time and the willingness to reduce it quickly creates an urge for quick money. thats were I found myself breaking my promises and gambling again.

Hi Dean

Personally I think the guilt etc did go away but this was a pitfull as I went again and gambled! Ask yourself honestly if your partner walked away would you still want recovery? Reason I ask is that your recovery is about you and no one else. It is impossible to do it to save relationships I believe. You must save yourself first and foremost and deal with what is left once the time is right. Harbouring this secret is dangerous as the lie festers. However there is no right way to do recovery. I wish you well and keep posting!

Thanks Smiler. I really appreciate the comment. I will not tell my other half, so my recovery will be done without her knowledge! I shall tell her in 4 years when I celebrate being debt free...

After a night of tossing and turning and worrying I think I have cleared my head. 20k of debt, gone in 4 years. I will take it 5k a time. The aim is to clear at least 5k every year. I thin if I do it in smaller chucnks rather then think wow 20k, my brain might be able to handle it a bit more.

I will work hard at work and put all my efforts in to earning as much money as physically possible.

I will keep a record of my debt. At the end of this month my debt will be as follows:

Card 1 = £3,700

Card 2 = £4,500

Card 3 = £8,100

Card 4 = £3,700

Thankfully the top 3 are on 0% until 2016. My one strength is I move money about at the right time and have never missed a payment.

Card 4 will be my target to wipe clear this year.

Here's to Day 1 of a happy gamble free life.

Hi Dean

Glad you have a vision in recovery. Doesn't mean you can't change your mind and alter your plans. You have to now see yourself as a survivor of gambling and get on with dealing with the chaos you created. Don't see yourself as a victim of gambling as it will consume you! Keep close by this site and you'll not go far wrong. Stay closer to those that annoy you as they are probably hitting a few home truths.

Take care

Dean

Three years ago I took out a £8,000 loan to consolidate all my cards. I then racked up another £4,000, not all gambling related but it played a part. Like you I wondered how I would ever pay it back.

Like you I'm pretty good with money. Shuffle cards about to 0% deals and have a repayment plan in place. I planned all my payments months in advance and kept a spreadsheet so I could look at it in the future and see where I'd be.

I've had my slips and it didn't go to plan 100% but it came down. My last loan payment went out on Monday and I've halved my credit card debt, hopefully have it cleared within a couple of months.

Like you I never told my partner. Foolish perhaps. I didn't quite hit rock bottom but I came close to it by the skin of my teeth. I knew if I didn't stop then I would lose everything.

You can do it. But instead of concentrating on the money, concentrate on this forum. This will help your recovery which will help you abstain. Once you've done a month or so and the bad feelings have passed you'll have a clearer state of mind. Your debt will only go down if you stop. You can do as many payment plans as you like, but if you haven't dealt with the affliction it's pointless.

Best wishes

Brad

Dean

fella good to see you back fella, all be it for the worst possible reasons, the recoverey doors revolve, use them wisely.

Some great advice already gifted by others I will just add this

When your debt is paid off, you will still be a compulsive gambler.

Please never lose sight of that, I know that for many paying off debt can gift the addiction a win, why??

Because it will be so busy telling you what a great job you have done, you deserve a bet!!

Then the cycle begins.

For us there is a way

I DID WIN BECAUSE I DID STOP

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Well I didn;t last long. Played yesterday, nearly lost a bucket load, but in the end manage to claw myself back from despair!!

Throughout the whole experience I was actually shaking. I felt so bad playing. Worse then I have ever done. At one stage I actually thought I was going to be sick!!!

Well today I have stayed away, DAY 1 Complete. Need to rack these days up.

Hi Dean

At what point would you say you were at rock bottom? What would it take for you to realise you can't carry on as you are?

I'm only asking because I think you should ask yourself that, and perhaps when you know yourself it might help you more in recovery.

Have you taken any other recovery options available, GA etc? Did you hand your ID in to self exclude?

Brad

We'll all I can say is sorry to anyone who has ever posted on my threads as once again I have been stupid. 1150 wasted In an hour. Back and forth from the bank different cards, grim mad but can't stop. Last time was rock bottom, so where does that leave me now....

We'll I now have a debt of over 20k.

Card 1 = 3200

Card 2 = 4500

Card 3 = 5500

Card 4 = 8100

I worked this out and it will take me a good 4 years to pay off. 4 years, that depresses me and it's all I can think about. Also how unfair is this on my family.

I have also come to the conclusion that I have no will power. I have a few days off and think I am cured. Like earlier, I will only have one £20 spin. How can that one spin want me to jump of a cliff. Madness.

What do I do. I just want 20k to make my life easier so this constant thought of debt will no longer be there. Why is this happening to me. I just want it to stop.

Dean

Fella have you found the courage to stop or have you maxed out those cards and run out of gambling funds.

Truth is there is no cure or magic potion you can take.

There is a wealth of support and help out there but you have to really want it.

Nobody can make the choice except you.

The 20k is gone, write it off. A big lesson. I will say again paying off the debt is just a tiny issue in the big picture.

So addiction gave you a four year sentence. Take it on the chin accept your losses and try recovery.

It is free, it is to enjoy and most of all it gifts you the ability to look in the mirror and respect what looks back.

Or go back at it and add to the debt.

my friend I stood in those shoes for twenty years listening addiction whisper that " it will be different this time"

Well we all know the truth.

I cannot win because I cannot stop.

It is never too late. Be kind to yourself

Throw yourself at recovery.

What's to lose??

Fella I wish you well

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Change the mantra

I did win because I did stop.

hi dean. just read your diary. im in the same situation as yourself. after a few days of winning last week, yesterday i wanted to continue the lucky streak and added another 4k to my debt. i'm 23k in debt now. i have stopped before after getting in trouble with money, it wasnt as much,only around 13k, but i managed to pay that within less than a year. but it seems that being debt free wasnt enough. what i am trying to say is, i only managed to improve my financial situation by staying away from the fobts. its like they know the difference between someone playing 20 for pleasure and a compulsive gambler chasing losses. as dunc says, it isnt easy, there's no medicine to cure us and you really have to want to stop to succeed.

all the best mate