game over

Day 20,

E-mailed one of the creditors I owe money to so I could reduce the payments, explained I had a gambling problem, thought they might have been a little bit sympathetic, but no, I received an e-mail back and they are not at all being at all helpful, so away to write back to them and give them "I know my rights" Hell hath no fury like a woman in the early stages of abstinence from gambling lol.

Other than that I've not experienced further urges, still quite angry and raw about my gambling so I think that's what's keeping them at bay

Working all over New Year so I wont be posting for a few days, I hope everyone has a good one.

Thank you julie,

Happy New Year everyone

Day 25, over 3 weeks now woohoo.

Had a few urges but they passed quickly, I keep thinking about one of the slots I used to play and if I'm honest I found myself missing playing it and along came the urges. Not acted upon them though and they went as fast as they came.

A colleague at work told me about her daughter who won £7000 in a site I used to play and I did think to myself that could or should have been mine, crazy I know!! I was pure jealous. She knows about my gambling problem and her husband goes to GA meetings he is 6 years abstinent so we voiced our concerns over her daughter becoming "hooked".

Work was busy over the New Year I get up at 5am then I'm home at 8pm so it's a case of tea, shower then sleep so at least I've been busy. I was going to celebrate my New Year this weekend but after 1 wine I decided against it, I don't want to wake up with a sore head lol. It must be an age thing.

I'm off for a couple of weeks on Thursday so it will be a testing time, just got to keep myself busy and stay determined.

Still not got one of my debt companies sorted yet, they are being unreasonable, looks like I need further advice.

Good luck everyone with your recoveries.

Day 26,

Having the strangest of dreams on gambling. I keep dreaming I'm paying out money to online sites.

Looking forward to the 2014 challenge check in, then early night.

Still taking a day at a time and scared to think of the future, I don't want to tempt fate, so still not set goals.

Good luck everyone

Thanks again julie i very much appreciate your support.

Day 2 of not sleeping, hate these bouts of insomnia, however day 29 today gamble free 🙂

Off to get ready for work now can't wait for my bed tonight.

Thanks julie.

I didn't sleep that night but had a great sleep the following night, your totally right the longer we stay away the easier it will become.

Day 32 is passing me by, or has passed me by not sure what the time is.

I've not much to write about as the last few days as I've been working and don't usually get urges then, although I have thought of the consequences gambling has brought me quite often in the last week, debt, stress, the way I was with people when I was not winning. I keep going back in my head to one particular time and when I think about it I can see how bad things were, I never ever want to go back to the dark side and be in a situation like that again. I never want to forget how bad things got.

I've got to say although I'm paying a lot of debt off I've managed to buy things I wouldn't normally have been able to so even if it has been a short while since I stopped I'm seeing the benefits already.

On holiday from work for the next 2 weeks so going to make sure I keep myself busy, babysat tonight and watched a DVD, not very exciting for a Saturday night I suppose lol.

I still have no trust or faith in myself yet so for that I'm still taking one day at a time and not setting myself any long term goals.

Day 33

Going for a break in May probably to Germany for a few days. Me and my daughter go away every year. The last few years I've tried gambling to win money so I could afford or get extra money when we've went away.

Think that is where my I first started to get involved with pay day loans when I gambled my pay and then had no money to spend. I've got to say it did cross my mind for a split second as that is just what I've been used to doing but it quickly passed and I thought NO WAY I'm never going back there, and for the first time since I've stopped I've actually believed myself.

It's funny how yesterday I thought the opposite.

Each day I will feel differently I suppose.

Enjoying mr brightside's thread and look forward to the weekly check in result. Great results from all.

Had a bit of a dilemma this week. Meeting with friends on Saturday one whom I've not seen in a while and looking forward to meeting up with her. We used to go to the bingo every week then hit the town. She has arranged for everyone to meet at the bingo stay there for a while then go into town. I've never had a problem with bingo I can take it or leave it but this exact same scenario happened the last time we met up when I was abstinence and after playing the bingo I thought sod it I've gambled now so I went back to online gambling. Initially in my head I did think about going thought well I will still be abstinent with my online gambling but my sensible side was saying I would be crazy to go. Spoke with my daughter who said don't do it mum as you have been so good and you can already see your finances getting into a better shape. That was it for me the decision was made, I'm so glad I've got her support. I'm meeting them after the bingo, Will need to make up an excuse as I'm still embarrassed by what I've done but well my destruction has not come without it's side effects and it's something I need to overcome.

Anyhow day 37, over 5 weeks, booked me and my daughter a lovely 4 star hotel for our trip to Berlin for when we go, wouldn't have been able to do that if I was still gambling.

Keeping myself busy until back to work next week.

Thanks again Julie, your a great support. Still on level 500 grrr lol.

Had quite a strong urge yesterday, think that's the closest I've been to giving in. Came on here to read diaries and it soon went.

Well went out last night, met my friends at the bingo but went half way through so I couldn't buy books, I had a bottle of wine before I went out and that gave me the courage to tell them why I wasn't playing. I got a nice surprise by their reactions they were so supportive and continued to tell me stories of debt issues they've had. So pleased I told them then next time I wont have to worry all week about making excuses lol.

Went into town afterwards and had a great time, suffering the day though, alcohol does not come without it's side effects. Slept till 2 then went out for lunch, came back and lay on the sofa watching telly.

In four more days I will be paid and this is the first time in a long time that I've not spent a penny on gambling. I've done a lot more this month than I normally would have. Hopefully I will continue to abstain for many more pay days.

Day 40 today 🙂

Hey there,

Great post!! And i am proud of you for riding the urges out. This site helps a lot.

Well done for sharing your worries about getting back in bad habit with your friends. It must of take a lot of courage, but i am very pleased you get all the understanding and support along the way.

You doing really well, and 40 days is great achievement!! Be proud and keep it up. As the days add up, urges become less strong and not as frequent. You can fo it!!

Keep up keeping up

Day at a time

Sandra x

P.s.great stuff on cc!!! I am on 161...still...lol..

Thanks sandra1 for your support, your so right this site does help immensely, still stuck on 500 lol.

Day 43 it's been over 6 weeks now and all is good, if I get through today then that means I have not spent one penny of my hard earned cash this month on gambling from one pay day to the next, and I've still got money left over 🙂

I've managed to keep myself busy throughout my annual leave, I thought the nights would have been hard but I've just watched a movie or came on here.

Still getting the odd urge but still not succumbing to them, although I do think they are getting stronger.

Asked to go into work the last couple of nights as extra, it was a thought at first but I will be glad of it on my next pay day which I will put towards my debt that I've accumulated.

Back to work officially tomorrow, my only worry now is I wont sleep tonight and have to work a 12 hour shift tomorrow shattered, but if that's my only worry today then I have no reason to complain.

Great post Julie, thanks again.

Day 46 needs to be a quick post, am watching hitchcock and can't afford to pause it, I'm up early for work lol

Got paid so I've gone from one pay day to the next without spending a penny on any type of gambling, well chuffed with myself, just don't want to become complacent. I never want to forget the bad old days!!

Good luck everyone x

Couldn't keep my eyes off the scratch cards yesterday when I went to the shop, I badly wanted one and couldn't stop eyeing them up, a chap bought one that I would have picked and I watched him with jealousy. Came home and I would have absolutely loved to have had a shot of on the online slots, couldn't stop thinking about the one I used to play. Thankfully the memories resurfaced of the way I used to behave and feel and that put me clean off. Kept busy for the rest of the evening and made sure I had no access to the internet.

I just need to keep my guard up.

Going into work later this afternoon and working the next few days so my mind will be elsewhere.

Day 49 today my mission is to stay strong and continue to be abstinent

Well done bbs!!!

Recovery gifts us more than scratchcards or online slots. It never takes, only gives. Bevproud and keep making right choices. Slowly you will get to that better place, take it day at a time. Urges will lessen and won't be as frequent.

Big 50 tomorrow.. Go Go soldier!!! 😉

Day at a time

Sandra x

P.s. level 163 on cc...I am getting there lol 🙂 x

Hey BBS!!!

Just dropping in to congratulate you on 50 days - had looked at my tracker thing for the challenge and somehow had it in my head that it was today - not yesterday! Doh!

Reasons to be proud on hitting a significant number - with the first full actual calendar month just two days away!!

Don't forget to check in!!

Me Brightside

Thank you everyone. When I'm working I don't have much time from when I come home to going to bed so I never write or reply but I do check diaries and my own and it always lifts my mood when someone offers support to me. I'm always promising myself I should offer more support to others so I think it's about time I did. It's quite selfish to receive but not give. I said earlier on in my diary I didn't feel like I was qualified enough but I'm ready now, I'm starting to believe I can actually do this and see past 1 day at a time.

The last thing I want is to become complacent and forget those awful times, I doubt I've came through the worst and I know there will be hundreds of more urges to come but at least I'm finding it easier to resist them and recognising what triggers them. Finding it easier to tell people as well.

Maybe I'm just having a good day, I could change my mind how I feel tomorrow!!

However on day 54 now. I need to watch those days when I'm off.

Slept like a baby the last 4 nights, never woke up once which is a miracle for me, definitely needed it

Tonight I went out for a meal then to cinema, the meal was disappointing, had the calamari starter which was in little pieces covered in batter with a tomato dip, couldn't really taste it, the main wasn't much better, afterwards went to watch The wolf of Wall Street. I would have never left myself money for this before.

Lazy day tomorrow me thinks.

Looking forward to the check in 🙂