Gary's diary of (continued) recovery

Thought I'd drop by with some random musings.

Cheltenham week all but complete for me. Do I have funds to bet - yes. Do I have a location -yes. Do I have time - yes. Do I have any urges to bet - no.

Here's the crux as far I'm concerned - I'm living an amazing life by not gambling and I gain by abstaining. I don't feel like I am missing out on anything. Financially I'm secure (even got my final payday loan refund back yesterday - bit a chunk out of a loan and passed the rest to the Mrs to manage. Emotionally, I'm in a great place....life is full of laughter, great experiences and complete honesty.

I've got a great group of friends...my older "inner circle" who are liking me again and my newer GA friends who truly know me and share a similar path on a daily basis. I wouldn't know where I'd be without them and the wider support offered through the fellowship.

Bit of a garbled message probably...but just writing what's popping into my head.

Hi Gary, I understand the 'garble' & I think that's the difference between abstaining & recovery 🙂

Day 718 today...no urges or thoughts to gamble at the moment.

Starting a bit of prep for an GA Open meeting on Thursday that it's my honour to chair. We are recognising 9 members of the group who have gone between 1 and 9 years gamble free. Not just abstaining, some of their recoveries are equally inspiring.

Always thankful to have found a programme and a group of like-minded individuals who are marching alongside me.

Evening Gary, Spoke with my lift again tonight and he has said he might not be able to come. If he can make it we will be there.

If I can get there I would be delighted to speak but will fully understand if you need to get someone who you know if 100% going to be there.

I will let you know as soon as I know.

Hi Gary good luck tonight regrettably I'm not able to make it but I will make the next one. A bit gutted really but it can't be helped unfortunately.

I sure you will have a great night and you will do them proud chairing the meeting.

KTF

No worries KTF - some things can't be helped "accept the things I cannot changed".

We had a fabulous open meeting....a slight shame that no-one came from the other Liverpool groups but the emotional was raw and the therapies sad but uplifting.

A huge shot in the arm of medicine for the week ahead though.

It is a privelege to part of such an amazing group of people who I class as friends

Had a brilliant weekend on my brothers stag do in York, was able to enjoy every moment aware from the mental torture of a gambling addict. I feel like I'm back as a fully functioning human and can be a good person that people want to spend time with

I'm also 2 years gamble free today...I've enjoyed and embraced my (GA) recovery...am still fully committed to my ongoing recovery and am fully aware are that a slip could be round the corner should I not do the right things.

Fully aware it's National week (especially as Iive a mile from Aintree) but know how to deal with things now.Just for today, I will not gamble.

Congratulations on the 2 years Gary a great effort. I didn't even realise it was the national this week need to make a plan for Saturday.

KTF

Well done Gary. 2 years is great going. Are you attending the AGM on the 16th?

Cheers fellas.

I'm afraid I can't make the AGM due to family commitments Dan but should be an interesting one...still a little dismayed that our group has no voting rights this time round but them's the breaks. God grant me the serenity....

So..The National Festival is here. It was on the Thursday morning of the meeting 2 years ago that I pumped over £1k into a FOBT, lost the lot, and went to a GA meeting that evening...at that point, I drew a line under my gambling, turned around and began a journey that's been the most important of my life.

Locally, the 3 days are a big thing and I've been on many occassions. Do I miss it? Not a chance...I know what I am, and know what I have to do keep in my safe lane. Gambling only brought me pain and bad things, staying gambling free and recovering has put me in a brilliant place financially, emotionally and spiritually.

Feel a little sorry for my wife who used to love going to the meeting - I shall make it up to her but also buy her tickets to take a friend next year.

I was never a big gambler on horses but these 3 days were when my secret vice was encouraged and I had a free pass to the bookies. I lapped that up and drank copiously.

Anyway, in a far better place now and another GA meeting tonight (about half a mile from Aintree) to top up my medicine.

Another good GA meeting last night...4 new members and 1 returning after a slip (we hadn't seem him since mid-Feb - not a coincidence in my opinion).

Perhaps a little selfish, but there's nothing like a new member's raw, honest opening therapy to keep me on my toes and act as reminder of what brought me to GA in the first place. I'm now in a position where I can pass on some knowledge and what has helped me in my recovery.

No thoughts of gambling, I know exactly what I am and know that the first bet is the one to avoid. At some point, I crossed the line into compulsive gambling and that line has now extinguished. JFT, I will not gamble.

You can't beat a bit of new blood. I'd love to take a picture of them on their first meeting and then another one after 90 days. You can see the pain in their eyes sone as I'm sure I did look a wreck but if they keep coming back the transformation is staggering.

Keep safe at this tricky time Gary must be harder than most with it all going on just outside your door.

KTF

Cheers for the reply Oldham...we had a long chat about Aintree in the GA meeting on Thursday as it's not just me in the boat. And I suppose that's part of the beauty of it.

Remained in a positive frame of mind throughout the weekend and had no urges to bet. Enjoyed watching the golf for what it is rather than wishing people to miss putts (or duff a chip into the water on the 12th).

Anyway, onto a another busy week in work...loads to do and not enough time to do it in.

Day 742.

Always struggle to relax after a GA meeting...2 hours that underpin my recovery and get my mind working. Amazing unity and love hearing new and honest therapies.

Love this life, love watching sports for sports sake and love living a simple honest life.