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Hi Sandra,

I relate to your post of Thursday. If you replace female with male and the age 28 with the age 41 then it could be the sort of post I might write when feeling at a low ebb. Its certainly how my mindset was when I was 28 and on into my early thirties.

I guess we all have a life script in our head that dictates that by such and such an age we should have achieved this that and the other and be settled and sorted with 2.4 kids and a hamster named Hector.... but in reality life and circumstance can take us in a different direction.

I'd rather my life hadn't been hijacked by my compulsion to play slot machines but it was and I have to live with that. I have plenty of regrets about my life choices over the years but that's the way I threw the dice and ive now come to terms with what happened.

Nowadays I try not to be too hard on myself. I do not find it easy. But I must be realistic and live in the real world and just take each day as it comes. On a bad day its simply enough not to have gambled, so its still a good day even when it doesn't feel that way.

Well done on your gambling free time. Your doing just fine. Warm regards... S.A 🙂

Hey Sandra

well done on your nearly 50 days- great going.

I don't know if this is helpful but I think we can choose what we do with the past. I see the past as a rucksack full of heavy stones, we can actually take the rucksack off, put it down and carry on our journey. But sometimes we forget we are able to do this and we carry on our journey carrying this heavy load and getting crushed by its weight. Life's journey is a lot easier if we will allow ourselves to put the rucksack down, draw a line in the sand and move on. You will be able to achieve all the things you want to in life, every day is a new start and a new chapter in our lives.

Take care friend, enjoy the weekend

Stux

Thank you S.A and Stu,

Right here is a thing...Got in situation yesterday, where i had to tell my sister about my 'past gambling'. Great support - got door slammed in my face..... A bit crushed, 2 nights none sleep, thinking...Let her to digest? Nothing else i can do...

Gambling crossed my mind recently, but as i was told I AM ON THIS JOURNEY FOR MYSELF..... very complicated and mixed up emotions, i don't want to trip...i might take few days to think about it( i know it don't help me sometimes, but it's hard not to) i leave it as it is; i will b around guys, just feel i need a little break from posting....

I wont gamble?! -no i wont...

Stay strong my dear friends

Sandra

Hey Sandra

Y'know. I'm gutted for you about your sister I mean...given that I'm guessing you don't live together I think that's pretty harsh and can't imagine not even in my darkest times that I would do that to someone who came with genuine intent to come clean, a relative or not.

Please do not beat yourself up here ..I don't know your full situation or history with your sister but i have a suspicion that she may come to regret doing that.

You are always welcome at my cyber door Sandra ...take me as you find me as they say ...I have good and bad days but you are always welcome.

R and D xx

Thanx R,

Just updating...day 48 , moving forwards, seems like situation with sis 'sorted'.

Take care all

Sandra x

Good news in the sis front Sandra...

I left you a post on my diary to follow on from yours and I have a good feeling that with you being on here it will have a positive knock on effect for your sister too and perhaps make her look at herself a bit and her own spending and shopping....xxxx

Hey Sandra,

so glad that your sister has come round, I think she maybe didn't want to accept your problem in light of what is happening in her own life, I am sure that she loves you and will be able to support you going forward, although you sound the stronger at the moment (only my thoughts and sorry to pass any judgement). Hope the running is still going strong and hope to catch up on the chat soon.

take care

Phil

Thank you for inspiring comments Rach and Phil:-) I sure keep up with my running Phil, one of the best medicines for body and soul.

As much as i wanted to give myself some space, coming back here and writing thoughts down is the best healing process for me.

My sis words playing in my head - 'i was shocked'..Well shock can be seen from a lot of diferent aspects, the one i'm talking about is psychological shock: - the shock stems from the physical effects of a sudden or overhelming stress to the body, under threat our 'fight' or 'flight' responses activate - and adrenaline is released which wires us up and hones our reflexes. There is a immediate assessment of level of danger - should we run away (flight),face up to it ( fight) or play dead(freeze).... well from my personal experiences i always 'freeze'- god knows how long i stood at her door not being able to move, obviously for her it was 'flight' reflection followed with slamming door at me..personally think she went a bit ott, but i suppose every one of us reacts to 'shock' diferent.

Take care folks, i'm on day 49 yay- soon big 50 🙂

Catch up with diaries later, off for a liitle swimming session:-)

Sandra x

Hey Sandra ...

I needed that perk up today as not a great day ...suddenly crashed as I think I'm overtired.

Adrenaline is an interesting one and as you say the fight and flight response...my first line reaction to shock and stress is anger but my friend freezes in shock..

I hope you have a good swim...wondering if its an indoor or outdoor or even the sea! ...you sound like you keep fit Sandra ...always good for stress relief..

Youre doing great

R and D xx

Thanx Rach and 4 legs fluffy friend:)

Well, it's more dogie paddling haha....as long as i'm floating on a surface i'm happy lol on serious note, prefer running, but went pool to cool down:)

Anyway, feel a bit yuk.... she did put me down again today, had a nerve to ring up and shout in a receiver that i'm useless, sick person..." think about all the money you hav wasted, you could get a mortgage you could do that and so on and on"....c'mon, enough is enough...if you hate me sweet sis, turn away and leave me alone, i'm trying to heal here, and you obviously not planning to stay on my side..getting angry now, she don't even know i'm seeing counsellor, i think that would really hit the roof (probably would issue white ticket herself to get sectioned on nearest chance lol)

Don't know, not much left in me, expect i hav got more strength to keep going and staying clean, not for her - it's for myself, because i see where our relation heading...sadly - let it be...

Take care guys

Sandra x

Hi Sandra

I'm so sorry I've not been here much- just caught up with the "sister scenario".......how brave you are to have shared with her. You are right about the responses- we all react differently.

Please keep focussed on you. You're progress has been fantastic- keep hold of all the positives you've made happen over the past 49 (almost 50!!) days. Everyone makes mistakes in life, ours is wasting so much life on gambling (though I've made many many more!!). The main thing I believe, is that we're honest enough to admit, learn and change our futures. You my friend are doing that. We can't change the past ....its gone. Your future is yours- grab it! You are not useless, nor are you "sick" you are a brave and courageous young woman. (unless you're an old man who calls himself Sandra??? even if you are- you are brave and courageous!)

Despite all that you're going through, you offer unstinting support to so many others on here.

Keep doing what you're doing- its working!

Take care

Irene

x

Thank you Irene, you keep me inspired as always:-)

Well, day 50, not too bad, i'm doing it! Went for a long run this morning, quite pleased it's cloudy here today, not that tirening:-) could of run for ages, but have a session to attend to, so had to stop:-)

Not sure if i was smiling and not realising it, but all the people smiled at me - must be one of them happy Mondays lol

Running along to good dj Tiesto set and then out of sudden Michael Jackson comes on with 'You are not alone'.....hmmm...good hit, just made me to slow down and get into trance a bit:-)

Anyway good people, catch up with you later, looking forward never back! Take care

Sandra xx

Hey Sandra,

Thanks for the support.

Well done you for reaching day 50 such a fantastic achievement.

I'd love to be able to run for a long time but all I manage is a run up the road :-/. Perhaps I will attempt to try again.

Habe a good day

Nicki x

Thanx Nicki, glad to hear you moving forward:-)

Hmmmm.......hmm... 20 min spend getting to work, and all of that time was fighting with myself..greedy Sandra decide to think about gambling but sensible Sandra soon told her to f***k off... i think it's only thoughts, and i wouldn't even dream acting on them afta this long!

Anyway tk care guys, back to heaven for the night lol 🙂

Sandra x

Sensible, smiling Sandra, who's been gamble free for 50 days! Brill!

Take care

Irene

x