...

Thank you Irene, i sure smile (sometimes) 🙂

Another early day...they seem to fly.. maybe because i'm in a lot of emotional pain, just floats through quicker..

I am getting quite moody recently, up and down like roller coaster..it' s good to move forward, but it's not easy ride at all.

Ok enough of my ranting, time to do some job and keep my team on the best behaviour haha

Keep moving forwad guys, there is light at the end of the tunnel

Sandra x

Hi Sandra

You are doing great, everyones allowed to be a bit moody sometimes!!!!

Hope today picks up for you

Take Care

Lisa 🙂

Hi Sandra,

If there was an award for moodiness I would have certainly won it by now. lol. Thanks for your support and you are doing great. We don't need gambling. All it does is add to the problems. Keep going and the days will get brighter. -joanxxx

Thank you Lisa:-)

Day 51.I have noticed myself being on a pesimistic side since weekend. Must be aftershock of my opening up to my sis.

Life still the same - tough road, but it makes me stronger. Trying to put myself in her position, i think i would be the same - go crazy shouting and so on. She cares.... the feelings, she never showed before...scared for me, for my future. You know when you are someones idle( i know i was for her - good English, improving carrer, head screwed on with finances...) and then the bombshell - somebody you looked up to gone down in a blink of the eye....

I am dissapointed in myself, and it's definately not easy to look in her eyes now, but i see that love she feels for me, and she tries to understand the things i'm going through...Love ya sis:-)

I seem to moan about my place in this world, work, no friends, no money, feeling low....but i see it more clearer that is not that bad - i have got a job( which am happy for), i live in a country, i always dreamed when was little, i've got bestest friend, which always there ready to help, i've got you guys offering great support, i'm getting my brains wired up with financial situation, and most important - i've got life ahead of me, which i should take for granted.

Heading forward, take care all and thank you for all amazing support. It means a lot to me

Sandra x

Hello diary,

Oh, what a busy day and night, everyone around just rush and rush.i'm absolutely shattered. Everyone has so many questions, Sandra this, Sandra that....my head close to explosion haha...Was planning to stay up today, but not anymore, no chance:-) hardly keep my eyes open..oh dear...GET ME OUT OF HERE lol i need my zzzzzzzz...:-) at this time usually start loosing my marbles, better move on before dumped too much on here lol 4 more hours, cmon you can do it ( hopefully) just stay focused, eyes wide open lol

Oh yea, another day further, at least no time to think about that ..........

......Sandra...sleepy but focused lol..... xx

Hmmmm....still focused:-)

More questions ......less answers lol...

Cloudy morning my end... it's ok, at least i can enjoy my well deserved Zzzzzzzzz 🙂

Keep counting...( more like losing my mind - overtired)...

Take care all x

S xx

Hi Sandra

I hope you will manage to get some rest today at some time...

This recovery business does stir the pot and is an emotional ride , I guess it brings up the stuff that normally we would try and push down..

I think you and your sis will find a happy medium as clearly there is a strong bond between you ...I'm not sure whether she is the older or younger but if you are the older perhaps she looks up to you more than you think and her reaction may have been shock...

Keep rested and that mind strong Sandra....you have got a good support on here from folks who truly understand how hard it can be ...

R and D zx

Morning Sandra,

sounds as if you had quite a soul searching night, not sure if you had any urges with all you confusing thoughts. But more importantly your future is looking so much brighter, it may not feel like it at times, but I am sure of it.

Hope the running is still going strong, although you would be brave in the recent heat, hope you have gotten yourself a good sleep, and keep focused on that bright future.

take care

Phil

Tanx Rach and Phil,

I hope you both doing well and enjoying today:)

Well, what a busy night at work it's been. They decide to move management around, so i'm left with more work and responsibilities on my hands. At least got 2 days to recover before a long weekend.

It's strange, i was never close to my sister, but now just can't help but check my phone constantly expecting a call or text..maybe just paranoid, just in need for that assurance that everything is ok..

Well, two more weeks and i'm heading to the busy city - London, at least i know it's concert and everyone is there to relax and enjoy themselves, might do good to me to get out into open:)

Right, feel a good and long exercise spree coming, have some stress build up from last night.

Step at the time, no looking back

Take care all

Sandra

Hi Sandra... I think most of us spend many years growing up with the same people (ie our families) so I guess its no surprise that we are greatly effected by how they react to what we do and how we live our lives. I know that's been the case with me anyway.

The bottom line though in my opinion is to carry on focussing on yourself and doing the right thing for yourself irrespective of how others (your sister) may react. Am sure things will come good in the end.

Enjoy your exercise spree, excellent medicine I agree. O and well done on your gambling free time. Onwards and upwards... S.A 🙂

Enjoy those two days rest sounds like ya need it. Exercise is a great stress reliever although my motivation has gone out the window as far as that's concerned. Concert sounds call, should be good fun although something I've never done. Opening up is a massive step but it will help so much. Getting it out there and you feel an extra responsibility to stay on the right path. I know that's how I felt when opening up to my bro. Anyway that's enough of my ramblings. Take care and have a good couple of days off.

Morning Sandra

Sounds busy busy at work which in some senses is good as the time flies and keep the brain active but then it does wear u down with the stress at times , so likewise enjoy those two days off

Read bout u running its a fantastic way to clear the head and getting fitter , also read somewhere that it gives the same buzz as what gambling did but with no financial impact of course , I used to run for miles and loved it but now can't due to a knee op I can use the cross stepper at gym and thats a godsend

U seem to av a good balance and its so good to read couldn't be happier for u

Castle2

Hi Sandra

Thanks for the post on my diary, computer having a silly on it, started to type and then it all disappeared. Stopping smoking is hard but not as hard as stopping gambling, probably due to the patch still on will see how i feel when i try without it!!! Dont know how you manage to run and still smoke, it kills me doing an hour agility training with the dogs, but well done, its so good to exercise clears your mind and soul.

I was never that close to my sister but when she found out about my gambling she was very understanding, she lives over 50 miles away from me so dont see her that often but shes always there. Hope you enjoy your few days off and well done on all your achievements.

Take Care Lisa 🙂

Thank you guys, your support means a lot as always:-)

Been thinking today - choices in life.Being foreign on your Great Britain land was the choice i made 10 years ago. To leave native country at the age of 18 was not easy, but that was the dream i wanted to follow since i was a little girl.

I didn't come here for a easy life, i like to work hard my way through to the future. I wake up every day being greatfull for this amazing opporunity to speak Englush, to meet people, and be here.

I know there are a lot of mixed up emotios about the whole situation here. I am not proud of us 'invading' your country and i fully accept all the comments and feelings towards us.It has gone out of hand, and if it comes to it and i have to stand on border line with one way ticket in my hand, i will be happy for having opportunity to ' taste' this lovely country, to smell the grass and see the trees. Unforgetable experience which i am very thankfull for.

Sometimes i think- what if? What if i stayed over there? What would i be or do? -There is no answer to that, because it is what is and i am who i am. And i'm happy i can give a 'piece of myself 'to anyone who feels they need it. Share and help in any way possible..

I suppose this post is just to say - i will never be 100% british and i made a choice in life, and i have no regrets what so ever for making this decition,but all of you guys should be very proud of yourself being a part and blood of Great Britain.

Thank you for all your support and understanding

Enjoy your day ans stay strong

Baltic lady - S xx