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Hi tazman 

Thanks for the input and I agree, this affects us not only financially but also mentally..and very much so. It is haunting to live in fear of a possible relapse and be out of control. And that's why I keep saying,  the more blocks the better. To keep safe we must put measures in to keep us safe. 

I am a lot calmer now. In one week's time it's gonna a month since I started and stopped this nonsense again. Thousands gone in space of a week. Devastating but I shall not dwell. It was my bad choices, it's the addiction and we all know how strong grip it has on us. My silly excuses not to put blocks initially cost me more money and sleepless nights but now i have done it - I'm like different person. It's so liberating to have that peace of mind again...control in our hands and clear mind. 

I know it all can go away very quickly but I feel safe enough since protecting myself with blocks. Difference like day and night!

Wish you peace and continued strength. You're doing so well , keep safe and well x

Hi SB

Good to hear you are doing so well in staying gamble free, and a privilege to be walking down the road to recovery at the same time as you.

We got this 💪 

Thank you Roxy 😊 

Another week has flown by and so many pennies saved. Blocks continue to protect me and my sanity. I still think how much I would of had if didn't make that vital mistake almost a month ago. It's difficult not to think about losses but I think it's super important of letting them go. 

As long as I keep making the right choice and putting as much protection as possible, I will be absolutely fine. Just more kindness and forgiveness is all what needed to this soul at the minute.

Stay safe all xx

Hi diary, 

Long time no speak. Absence is not because I'm at my old antics.. life taken over..work, my project...which is now complete 😊..stress re family and my baby girl..but all in hand..love outweighs the struggles. 

Am I struggling a bit..yes I am..mainly emotionally but there are no escape routes because I'm facing everything head on. And that is life..no coward way out to slots..

I'm.still so thankful for blocks. Hand on heart, couldn't do this without them

Keep safe all, life is for living..we can overcome any obstacle presented. We can do it without  harsh consequences gambling brings.

Xx

Hi diary,

Long time no speak. All is good with no gambling and I'm keeping my resolve and lessons learned. Not so great health wise but think with age I shouldn't expect miracles & aches and pains in this body is natural..lol

..I'm only 39 😂

Hope everyone is staying safe in this weather and looking after themselves. 

Till later diary.. x

Hi diary,

Firstly Merry Xmas all and Happy upcoming NY. I really wish everyone peace of mind and new path ahead. We are in control of changes.

Soo, it's been a tough one my end. No gambling as I blocks really are keeping me sane. Other issues present tho as it happens in life.

Worked throughout festive season and big day itself and it wasn't the greatest of days. Emotional let's say. Then,  boxing day my lil girl went poorly so all day spent at emergency vets with hefty bill to pay. Makes me think how everything is NOT about money at the end of the day. 

Family, loved ones ..matters the most.

To be honest I don't think I recovered from last year's break up. In fact, I am isolating again. I did try, don't get me wrong. I went away and put that smile on when needed but deep down I hurt..and now, past tow months I just gave up pretending. One of my mates clocked it actually and we had this discussion last night. I'm just once again not interested in life..dress up show up..I do that for work but that ends there. 

It's a lonely world. Truly is...and now ..my lil one is poorly I am not even sure of a timescale we have. It's heartbreaking to see her all dosed up on meds. I can't keep her on meds nor I can see her in pain..so...some decisions awaits hey..can't think of it..even clearing her room upstairs (no stairs allowed)  made me feel so sad and vulnerable. It's like what I (& she new) for the past 8 years..is no longer there, no longer in use. Upstairs is no use to me at all now apart bathroom..we are staying on ground floor. My body aches and I don't get much sleep but I cannot leave her here alone..she never been apart from me when I'm at home or in bed. 

New year..well..new year..I don't know what they will bring. I can wish for all I like (and we all know it's health for my baby girl) but I also have to be realistic here.

People say I gave her a fantastic life and love...all I can say, - she gave me this in return tenfold.  How on earth will I cope? Just how? 😔..I have no tears to spare anymore..I'm tired, in pain, emotional, isolated and feeling lost. You definitely have to approaches all the good moments whilst they last..and that's what I have taken out of past few years. ..enjoy the moment.

Sorry for a low post. I know things tend to work themselves out..its just not easy..it gets worse before it gets better.

Stay safe all, blessings for new year and new begging or...simply finding yourself again. Staying where you belong, amongst the ones you feel yourself with,  finding love and peace around you..new goals and hope.

S&B xx