...

Good for you for talking to your boss. There are so many things wrong in my work enviro but I wouldn't dare to speak up. I've been "punished" for speaking up in the past so I say nothing now. I think many of us cg's have trouble with perfectionism, boundaries, etc. I know I have to learn to simply "smile and nod" more often, letting what the bosses say just roll off of me and just continuing to do only what I can. They tend to set you up for the impossible and I am the type that tries to do everything they ask and do it well. Then I look around and others haven't done the work or put any effort in and they get away with it and are far less stressed. Maybe you are the same as me? Hope you have a nice weekend!

Thank you girls...really appreciated xxx

Good morning diary,

Been busy, exhausted and just a little stressed lol. ....still breathing....i think..lol

No g foughts....only zzzzzzzz thoughts 😉

Take care all and have a lovely Sunday....enjoy and keep fighting the good fight!!!!

Over and out....:-)

Losing marbles and can't see what typing lol...better log off

S x zzzzzzz.........

Good to read that your in positive head space and still fighting the good fight. I am also losing my marbles ;-)... take care... S.A 🙂

Thanx SA,

Well, good sleep and rest is the key in my wellbeing. Back to challenging enviroment in an hour and feel up for it actually.:-)

Anyway, not many more thoughts...no urges, actually since my last slip my mindset is changed for the better. Beating myself up for 3 days seems to pay off for the the better....

I will do it. I want to do it. Life is life accept it as it comes and deal with everything head on..live and learn:-) no more escape routes to me.....hmmm...heard this story before lol:-D

Take care all. Have a lovely day and keep fighting and fighting those ugly gremlins poking those heads out...!!!!

Off to work 😉

Sandra x

You get an "atta girl" today. Nice to be tired from actually living instead of depressing thoughts for having been "bad". Go, Sandra!

Hi Sandra,

Glad to hear that you are not beating yourself up about that slip anymore, there's nothing to be gained from beating yourself up. (When I'm dispensing this advice, I always think of an old Baz Luhrmann song, where the punchline is - "if you find out how to do this, tell me how.")

Well, nonetheless, sorry you have to work on a Sunday, I must admit I used to enjoy my halfshift on a Sunday morning, but that was quiet and stress free for me.

Keep up the good work,

All the best,

Ryan

Thank you Carla and Ryan,

Dear diary,

Day 7 and i've been here once before. This time is different - there are no urges, and i know how to deal with them if they come.

Day off, am still shattered and stressed out..flat... they say leave work at work and enjoy your days off

..if it would be so easy...turning last corner there and feeling it's only two options left: stay there and get nervous breakdown or leave and try to put my life together with new start...

Choices....

Will be ok...i am a survivor - fighter.

Will get through this hurdle...face it, feel pain but never give up...

Charming post ..but it is what it is..

Building my road ahead with no side roads or roundabouts...upwards and onwards...

Day at a time

Have a nice day all

Sandra x

Hey Sandra,

many thanks for your post on my diary, it means sooooo much. Sorry to hear of your moment of weakness, but I know how easy they are!!! Well done for getting back on that horse, and hope to catch up on the chat again soon!!

Phil

x

Hi Sandra... its hard to leave work at work isn't it. Ive kind of switched off from my work as ive had 4 days off on the trot, but its taken that long to switch off and tomorrow its back to the madness. I also relate when you say...

"stay there and get nervous breakdown or leave and try to put my life together with new start..."

Its kind of how I feel. It gives rise to a knot of anxiety within trying to figure out what to do and to do it. ... regards... S.A 🙂

Thanks for your post, as always. I never ever leave work at work which is not a good quality. It seems everyone nowadays is being asked to work harder, smarter, do more and more and the more conscientious and good at your job you are, the more you are asked to do. In my job, I could work 24/7 if I wanted to and there would still be more to do. I have a lot to learn about boundaries. You are wise and courageous to speak up. My problem is that I let things build and build and then speak out inappropriately (to a point 'cause if I really let go, I would certainly be fired) or I just hold it all in and withdraw or go on a med leave like I am now. Back to you... you say your option is stay and have a nervous breakdown or leave for a new start. Maybe there are other options? Is it possible that you change the way you handle the cr** and BS or the overload? Can you change how you prioritize what needs to get done? I read once about a strategy that said to write a "to do" list in order of priority and then cross off everything after number 3. Just throwin' it out there. Hope you get it sorted soon.

Hi Sandra,

Thank u 4 all ur support, it has helped me thru some dark days. I really appreciate it. Ur a gr8 lady and u support so many of us, thank u 🙂

U r doing gr8, I hope things get sorted 4 u soon, u deserve nothing but happiness 🙂

I am sending u a hug xx

Thank you all dear fighters, and Charlotte - d**n girl, i am very happy for you, please stay strong and concentrate on ur loved ones...keep it up all:-)

Dear diary,

Last day off, not too bad sleep...bearing in mind my few glasses last night, i am not that bad today lol.. cup of coffe will get me back on my feet.

I was thinking...(again).....i seem to want to change things in my life....but all i do is moan and moan.....i need to get my sorry a**e out and actually DO something instead of talking to the thin air.

That process, getting out i seem to struggle the most with...been on my own for too long, closed up...not interested in a World around me...

Sis rang offering to go out this weekend to another town...my brains automatically start looking for excuses not to....hmmmmm...why???

What's wrong with me, and why i keep doing this for myself? Will i stay on my own all my life? Best to join nuns at this rate haha....with my gambling past....

No g thoughts...but you all know how it works...it might change in next 10 min...that's why i have sum plans in place for today...keep active and do something productive without cost:-)

Well, not much more to say...so far so good..go bk in my thinking corner for a while and try to make my words and plans actually come true.

Take care all.day at a time and step closer to better future.

Sandra x

Dear diary,

It might shock some of you, but i really feel i can't fight anymore. Not today...it's too much...self destruction?? I nearly beat myself to death the last time...but really bad state of mind...what i keep fighting for? No family, no kids, no loved ones...can't run away fom myself anymore. I tried, i get loads of help...i was in a better place and had hope back....but today is just destruction...don't see the point to move on w*f...don't know what to do.....i don't want to win... i want to run away to safe place...on my own....spinning my life away....can i stop myself??? I dare to ask for help....only myself can get out of this state or dissapear to the dark world....holding on...but no promises...can i control it again...and get away for few hours?????????? Will i beat myself up for good then...f***k...Why oh why....what's wrong with me today.....so sorry all but i just feel s..hit today and it's really close....really can't see the point in my misreable life....i hope it's only thoughts...

Sorry.

Hi Sandra,

Don't apologize for how you feel. I can't tell you what to do but, we both know that stuffing 20's into a slot machine is a pure waste. Eff the controlled bet argument. There is no guarantee that you will even get to play for 5 minutes. The games are rigged that way just to hook people into spending more than they intended. At the very least it is a set up for everyone even those without a gambling addiction. Do something else. Tossing money out of a moving car window has more merit than dumping it into a slot machine. lol. For what it's worth Sandra, I'm here and listening...

Thanx Joan. It is going away a bit. Just mad with everything....come bk from the run in a little better mindset but feel it's not ova for today.

Just for next hour or two i will not gamble. Can't take it day at a time...it's a matter of minutes at the time now...

Thank you dear Joan..

I will try to pull it through..