...

As always, thanks for the post to me. No, don't want to go to that sick place, even when the money comes in.... but I do realize I have to make a serious plan to deal with the urge for when the end of the month arrives. Just feeling rather blah today but will work on pulling myself out of it. May go climb today. Have a good evening!

Thank you all so much...it is very much appreciated.

Because of stress levels at work, i had a bit of drink ton ight. Yea my days off, so why not to relax a bit. no gambling thouths( so far) all good, just probably passing out in few minutes lol...My first dreunk post..even know i only had few glasses...enough for me lol.

Life is good when you drunk, but i suppose it's just another way out....Hey ho..live and learn.. Keep moving, sober( most days) and fighting head on..

Today?....well ....Consequences tomorrow.

Take care all

I HATE GAMBLING !!!!!

Just felt need to say that:)

Over and out.

Love to numb pain away...at least don't cost me £1000's.....

Hey S

Told you I'd read!!!! Glad you're having a chillaxed day........!

I've just read your amended front page, what a lovely positive post to see everytime you log on.

Take care

Irene

x

2 paracetamol????

hey Sandra

Yep ...had one of those nights not so long ago, busy week and before I knew it a bottle of red on an empty stomach as I forgot to eat..

Sometimes it's good to just chillax...

Thank you for your support Sandra and wow ..reading through my old diaries ..a real cure for insomnia ...but joking aside I have come a long way from those darker days ..

Sending you a big hug ((((S)))) and some orange juice ..

R and D xxx

Hi Sandra

Nothing better than a few glasses of wine to ease the stress levels so I'm with u on that one, spending a fiver on a bottle of wine putting ur feet up and relaxing switching off from the stress is far better than spending wasted money on gambling

Hope works gets a bit better with the stress I always find though that it fills the brain and keeps us so busy that it doesn't let us think bout anything else

Especially gambling!

Castle2

Thanx guys, and sorry for my last post plus all the mistakes xx

Dear diary,

Up early because not too well lol..my own doing so just get on with it:-)

No big plans for today, so just basic day with a bit of housework....starting early lol

No g issue to report. Moving on:-)

Take care all

Sandra x

Dear diary,

Finally can manage honest and sober post lol

Day 17, and last nights blues and headache completely disappeared, thanx to 1l of orange juice lol( thank you Rach),some housework, good run and cold shower! Brand new person:)

And got my appetite back, so plan a little cooking spree:)

There are no urges, and i still coming to terms to tackle my other issues ( anxiety, smoking, drink)

I am pleased to stay on the right track, and people on this site affected my recovery enormously and i am more than thankful for that. I am different person compare with a girl 5 months ago. I am more confident and ready for changes in my life...better changes. I know it's not the end of the journey, and this sneaky addiction will try to trip me on a way, but i am a fighter - survivor, and know what to expect from situations when urges comes. I am moving forward, and not planning on turning back .

Yesterday is past, today is a gift and tomorrow is mystery..

So just for today i am making the right choice. And i am more than happy with my decision.:)

Take care all

We can do it - we will do it

Sandra x

A real inspiration and food for thought. Amazing fighter Sabine, which is no longer with us, but is never forgotten. God bless.

"Trust and believe in yourself and in your ability to achieve whatever you set your mind to. Change your own outlook, change from within, learn to see good instead of bad, love instead of hate. Once the self has changed, the surrounds and the people surrounding you will change.

I cannot change anyone else but me, but, by changing me, things and people around me will change."

Hello diary,

Just before go to bed few thoughts about the impact i'm getting on this forum. 90% it helps me big deal...i don't gamble after all.( thank God)

The more i read the more confusing doubts i get about this recovery and honesty of some users. I was told from the start, 'take from diaries what you need and leave the rest behind'...i take everything from diaries, and digest it all into my system. It is all down to me, and i don't reply or get frustrated to some users. I keep it in..

But aftermath usually comes out on my own diary.

Recovery is bespoke, and i know this forum purpose - gambling issues...but as much as i am being suggested to talk about gambling - i can't. It is very clear what this habit done to each and every one of our lives. Devastation and pain soaking the sheets of our diaries.

It is painful place to be, ...it is for me. It is proof of how you can keep making the wrong choices in your life..until you become an empty shell.... I come back here every day, i look this addiction in the eye...it hurts, but at least i feel pain now. I have no choice but to face it....just feel it full force....

.....i have choice to gamble or not..to support others or not....which i take as biggest gift in my life. I never knew this side of me...honest side of me..

I might have sad memories and quiet life now, but i know that i will never give up..that tiny bit of hope...i was given it on this side....all i want to do now..is to share it with others overcoming this addiction( or being affected by it )

There is hope...and our souls needs to hold on to it and believe in that better future ahead.

S x

I hope in your better future you enjoy making many new happy memories.

xxx

Hi Sandra,

I have felt and written many of the same feelings you expressed in your last post. I think that's what makes these diaries so powerful. What I have learned is that all I can do is hope to "accept the things I cannot change,the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference". Some days easier said than done eh? I always look forward to your posts and do not take for granted your posts of support on my diary. Keep fighting the good fight Sandra. Hugs. -joanxxxx

Ty DF and Joan xx

Last night ijust had a little reflection to the past events...but i suppose it helped me with my own recovery. I love your words Joan...hard to swollow but very true.

I suppose staying close by to the things what hurts is only making us stronger to get over them...if that makes sense.

Diary,

Slept for 12 hours...but with mind reeling...ahh..tirening. Weekend at work and the only way to get through - JUST BREATH.

Have a lovely and safe weekend everyone.

I am fortunate to share my story with you all and to learn from others...good bad and ugly...still lessons which makes me stop and think. THANK YOU

No gambling today, may long it continue

Take care all

Sandra x

Hi Sandra,

I just been reading a few of your posts back over the least few days. I see you had a few light beverages.. good for you! 😉

Keeping on a level and staying on a level is hard isn't it. Ya know the eating well, sleeping well, not getting too stressed, everything in moderation etc etc. Thats what they try to show you and teach you (show me and teach me) in residential rehab.. how to keep self on a level so that you feel mentally and physically healthy and hence less likely to succumb to negative thinking and more likely to be able to cope with urges to gamble. In short its all the underlying stuff.

It is not easy in practice of course. I do not find it easy and I will always be a work in progress. Like you say, when it all feels a bit much.. "just breath".

Thanks for your support. You seem to be doing just fine to me. Take care... S.A 🙂

Morning Sandra

Finding that balance with our diaries is still the hardest thing to get right, it is so hard to come on here everyday and read bout gambling the very one thing we want out of our lives, that balance will come I see it others now without naming names there's a few all used to be very active on this forum that can now take that step back and come and go as they please like u say recovery is bespoke and ultimately it is all bout ourselves, in my 1st year on here I had 1000 posts on my diary and at a guess posted double that on others, in Feb it will be 2 years and those numbers will not be that high so for me that balance is coming and hopefully the same will do for u2

Fully agree with u on sharing that is the one word I would describe that makes this site work if we didn't share it just wouldn't work, some people start diaries and just want to receive support but don't give any out for me whatever their reasons are it just won't work supporting others is such a key part of recovery it gives us confidence and self esteem something that gambling rips from us, I honestly take more now from posting to others than I do for my own diary I use my to write down what I feel mainly to relieve the stress

I still ask the same questions u are asking but not as much now an acceptance is now in place just revert back to the one day at a time rule and that helps, today is the only day we can control and sometimes we just av to enjoy it but we both know its not that easy

All we can do is keep trying and that we both will, enjoy ur weekend I'm workin today and off tomorrow so a good balance there

Castle2