...

Thank you SA and castle xx

Dear diary,

A little bit in a better state of mind today. I was feeling very low yesterday and had no hope or anything dear to push me forward. Most horrible things went through my head..and i even got scared of myself and my actions.

But i'm ok..

Will get there..i will fight it all ..

Very hard to find a calm medium but i'm still searching.

I've got parents, sister, nephew to care for. I will fight for them too. It's not as bad as my mind telling me sometimes. I will get through.

No gambling thoughts...weardly didn't even crossed my mind in past few days.

Day at a time..

S x

Thanks for your kind words Sandra, they mean so much as it tells me people are out there listening and wanting to help especially on the not so good days and believe me there are still plenty of those.

You are making such good use of your diary by chucking out all the bad stuff and at the same time supporting others so much respect for you.

My progress is like a big dipper, much like many others on here, the deepest depths when down sometimes feel endless but the good days when things go well and the beasties are laid to rest are so worthwhile.

Please don't ever give up hope, we are all with you willing you on and listening.

xxx

Thank you thank you thank you DF xx

Looks like good run and music can still keep me sane these days. Getting calmer by the minute.

Challenging night ahead(again)..they moved staff about, and i'm left on my own to navigate 30 - 35 ppl as well as hill of paperwork..YAY..love it ... I do wonder now and again how much more i can take...3 leaders already left (or stepped down)couse of pressure and stress...looks like me being a woman got some balls to keep fighting lol

Just go and do it...keep breathing of course...

Hopefully better day today...i can hope 😉

Calming song before i go.....

Hmmm...not too depressing lol

http://youtu.be/ude61gIhMoY

Day at a time

Keep going and going all...this journey is the journey of our lives...to the better future.

Sandra x

Hi Sandra

As always, you post honestly and that what I admire so much. You are right.....the progress over the months has been immense.

You are much more confident, facing and challenging the rubbish stuff head-on.

Well done my wee pal

Take care

Irene

x

Thank you my wee pal Irene 🙂 x

Dear diary,

Day 20 i believe....yay 😉

I planned to post to some more of you my dear fighters, but my body is telling me to hit the brakes and switch engine off lol....

Work was mental...and ever so tirening.. Feel like i've done marathon there...But hey, it's over and i can enjoy my zzzzzz time 🙂

Skipping run later on today, couse if i go for one i will not make it till tomorrow 🙂

No issues with urges or gambling. That would be just selfish and silly.

I will happily replace it with my bed.

Day at a time

Szzzzzzzzzzz x 🙂

Hello diary,

My heart is in peaces. Some very very saddening news from my friend in Manchester. Setting off tonight...hopefully work let me out earlier.

Life is very unfair...especially for good people....

We don't realize how lucky we are to enjoy daily life....

S x

Hi Sandra,

Sorry to read about your sad news, it always does seem to be the best people that get the worst luck.

As for your previous post about switching off, I also find it hard to come on here during the week, balancing the day job and freelance work makes it hard to keep up to date with this place sometimes.

I hope you get through the shift today, and you continue to find the calm balanced place that will help you to beat this addiction. Indeed, I'm hoping to stay there myself too.

All the best,

Ryan

Hi Sandra, Very sorry you've had bad news. I hope things are soon sorted or that they work out best as can be and that you feel better. You are such a caring person and give so much, certainly to this forum, so in real life also. Please make sure that you come first. It's wonderful to give and to care but not if it's to your own detriment and sometimes I think it's necessary to be a bit selfish. Hearing from a few people how difficult it is to juggle the realities and responsibilities of real life while remaining committed to this forum... I know that will be a real challenge for me when I return to work and I likely will not be able to come on here every day then. Even now, I read diaries and sometimes actually have to stop myself from commenting because, really, you could spend 24/7 on here. You just do what's right and needed for you. I am always in awe of how much support you give to others while juggling a demanding job. Does this sometimes happen because you feel obligated? I know when I read a post of yours some time ago, you mentioned how much you're inclined to help people where you can. Certainly, if it does help you then that's great but if it drains you, I don't think you should feel guilty for cutting back. Anyway... thanking you for your recent post to me.... very grateful. I hope things are working out in light of your last post. Take care of yourself.

Hey Sandra

No need to reply back as I know you will have your hands full today ...just sending you all good and safe wishes for your journeys to and from Manchester today as it is torrential rain up here...

keep safe and just wanted you to know thoughts are with you and take it easy driving especially if you are feeling emotional and saddened today...Even if you have to stay over and ring in work ,its better than rushing today Hun in this weather ...

((((S))))

R and D xx

Morning Sandra

Life is cruel at times and sometimes that's so easy to forget many taking it for granted, what bigger motivation for us is that we actually have a choice to make that change in our life and others simply don't have that choice,

Hope you can get some rest, thoughts are with you

Castle2

Thank you all. Yea Rachel, i never driven in worse conditions on M6 before...but at least i made it.

Strenght to you all...never give up givng up. Completely out of my comfort zone...but glad i could step that step and offer my support at the hardest time for my friend.

God bless

X

Hi Sandra..

Phew ...you made it...M6 was a nightmare ....rest up and don't worry about posting if you are knackered ..just glad you are safe.

Get some rest and we shall all be here when you come back on line xxx

R and D xxx.......

Hi Sandra, sorry to hear you have sad news at this time, all the best and stay strong, Lyn x

Than Rachel and Lyn xx

Dear diary,

Another day g free for me. Day off and will try to get my head together about recent events.

Death and suicide term made me look at things differently. I am thinking about mental healh and help available for poor souls at this hard time.

I read few diaries on this matter, i posted simmilar thoughts myself before. How selfish thing to do. The devastation of loved ones always immense. Question after question....it can send grieving person crazy.

You know, gambling - you can change it by making the right choice, as well as drinking, drugs....you can make change for the better...if you try.

You die by your choice - you give up. You can't change anything for yourself...you only change people lives around you...and not for the better....

We don't appreciate life enough..it is not as bad as it could be..

Strenght and believe to all of you

S x

Hi Sandra,

Thanks for posting on my dairy.

Wow, what profound words you have written, you are so right, we really should appreciate life, it is a gift we have been blessed with to do as much right as we can.

In my profession I have seen so much pain and suffering and always beg the question why do people have to suffer? Alot is to do with our own coping mechanisms and how we approach things.

Carry on with your strength and determination, you continue to insire all who read your diary.

Best wishes

Hope x