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Hi Sandra..

Your messages are not ugly ..you are allowed to have feelings and to not be afraid of that and a break can be good and also can get things in perspective...I promise I shall not be anywhere behind a wheel ..lol

Good to know its not just me who gets angry at work this way ..I did semi blow my lid but on a scale of 1-10 probably a hostile 3 ...xxxx...

Sending a little extra hug to add to the big one from your friend.

Sounds a good idea to get a complete break and a rest as well if you can manage it and take some time to just breathe.

Never worry about having a moanfest, that's exactly what this place is for and just as important as the good stuff.

Do look after yourself and get your strength back.

xxx

HI Sandra... Whether your spewing your guts up in your diary or down the bog... its all good stuff... better out than in! Take good care... warm regards... S.A 🙂

Put yourself FIRST!

((((( S )))))

Thank you all so much xxx

I will repost back..maybe not now but tonight or tomorrow;-)

Feel ok...got up earlier..had some food ( tried to keep it in lol) when bk to bed only to get up and eat some more:-). So yea, that issue is sorted. Going to do shopping now, and when off to the party round sisters..Definitely no alcohol for me tonight.( staying behind the wheel to make sure of it) and if they want to go out clubbing tonight..they have a free taxi 🙂

Works both ways..everyone happy.

Ok time to get into gear, no gambling and mind is a lot calmer. Thank you all for ur kind posts once again. (((( ALL ))))

Take care all

Have a nice Saturday evening

S x

Hey Sandra

I'm glad we can have a laugh on the forum as we do and you do make me smile and I see a fellow feisty lady in you too..

I think you standing up in work was brave and it's just a shame that we have to be pushed to that limit and end up biting back.

It's good your senior manager understood too ..I'm not so sure I will have the same support but we shall see as things are being out in place now .

I am wondering if you have had a big fry up? :-))) as normally when I have a hangover , the next day around 4 pm I want to eat for Britain and it's usually a big breakfast fry up, with lots of toast ..lol lol

Just a change of scenery can do us the world of good and you sound like you have got your lovely spirit and energy back again and you still find time to come here and support everyone ...I for one am glad you exist Sandra...I think you are great !!

Still laughing about me behind the wheel ...how many weeks is that now since you posted that to me?? heh heh ..I still laugh out loud when I remember how miserable I felt that day and you just popped up with a comedy moment ...

By the way ....I loved those wild animal funny links , never seen them before but that humour is just the thing I love..

Sometimes laughter is just the tonic we need....oh go on then..maybe with a shot of gin...lol lol

Sleep tight Hun when you get back from your party ...and keep watching the road xxxxx

Hey Rachel and arr..thank you for your kind words ( i will get over my fear of driving don't u worry lol )

Good morning diary!!

10 hours sleep in a bag ha ha..can't believe it. ( that means no sleep for the next couple of nights lol).Feeling weirdly very good and not used to that. So yea..new sensations lol

Sun is shining and beckoning me outside for a run 🙂

Day 41 in my g free life and feel good about it.

Keep up the good work in ur recoveries dear soldiers..everything is possible 😉

Day at a time

Sandra x

Hey Sandra,

Thanks for dropping in. Everything IS possible and I am happy to hear that there was a break in the clouds for you this morning! Let the sunshine, let the sunshine, let the suuuuun shine in.. 😀 -joanxxx

Hi wee pal

I'm so proud of you!

Take care

Irene

x

Thank you girls xx

Dear diary,

Many thinks today about the recovery and this addiction...It doesn't really matter..day 1..day 100 ..a year or 5 years...it's all about how much we want it to work. How much we want to reach for the better ending. I say better ending, because gambling can take you to darkest places possible..to lose ur loved ones, and yourself. It is bad place to be..destroying place to be..

We have a choice..always did..but often didn't realize it..that's where addiction comes in..dark cloud taking it over .

I am proud of all of you here...and yes..i am jealous for you having families..loved ones..somebody to concentrate on moving forward to...for me..you are my family..yes..that's true.... I do have mum and dad far away from here..and to be honest they are the tread keeping me on too..and sister...love her too..but don't get much understanding from her as i wish...it's very weird to explain..maybe i am completely wrong and putting myself into wrong hands again..but this works for my recovery this time..i trully get so much out of being here.... there are few ppl here who won't understand the meaning of the diaries...for me...to tell my story for the bunch of strangers is massive step..and i think sometimes..why? I don't know these people..and do write on my diary everything....privacy? There is no privacy..we put what we are comfortable with..and i have nothing to hide in my life. I want to put it all down and ease the pain not turning to harmfull gambling..i do that..and you all see me inside out. I am happy ..and recovery can turn some funny and unexpected corners....but we always learn and learn.. i for one learned big deal about life while i was on here...good and bad..only couse it's true colours of life we have got it in our hands..we got a choice to juggle it anyway possible..so why we take the back road and ruin it all? It is a question for a lifetime for me..only by abstaining i can find a little answer each day to put the picture all together. I will do it, i want to see why i had to turn to this destroying desease. I will find the answers to my questions...i am determined...and i think i deserve to know it too...

Yes, me Sandra which was lost in a world for so long..i still am..but i am working and looking for the way out.

Not by gambling..but through my own sweat and blood i will reach my light at the end of the tunnel.

Day at a time will take me there. And if i will have to stay completely on my own..i will never forget any single one of you who been here for me..for good and bad..my friends i got so close to.

Thank you all

Day at a time

Ramble over......:-)

S x

You're such a sweetie. I understand where you're at with the "family envyI . I feel the same quite often. It does seem easy to "talk" about almost anything here but that's because this place gives us anonymity which allows us to be vulnerable. Nice for now but eventually, I'm hoping I'll be able to allow myself to be that way in the real world again. I am not nearly the same there as I am here! Best to you!

Thank you ladies. And yes Julie you are right, we have to look after ourselves and by doing that everyone around us will see the difference too.

Good morning diary,

Up a bit early, not much planned but will try yo make the most out of my gamble free day.

Have a good day all..

Sandra x

Just poping by to wish ya a happy monday, well if that's possible anyway. LOL yeah never has been my favorite day of the week,nor many others I'm sure. Keep up the good fight.

Thanx soul...happy Mondays..hey..not exactly for me either lol

Dear diary..

6 weeks and i am STRUGGLING today!!! what a f... Jeez, seems like this demon will never leave me alone. Contacted netline and weirdly while talking felt urges ease down so thought YAY i dealt with it so it's all good now..Gone offline and f kers back again!! Ahrrrrr...

I need a plan, to find a way to fill my spare time these few days off without turning to my habit.

Right, better set myself few goals:

1. Try and deal with stress of work and life in another healthier manner

2. Think more positive about where i am after 7 months in recovery

3. Stay gamble free at least till 2014

4.Apply for new job (and i really mean it this time)

5. Ring parents at least every two days

6. Spend more time with my nephew

7. Sort out my spending for the next two weeks since it's my holiday and allow myself spending daily amount

8. Buy few books to keep my mind occupied on lonely days like today

9. Don't look back to my past mistakes

10. Set more goals for the future and concentrate on things which really helps me to move forward.

....And....JUST KEEP FIGHTING!!! and never give up giving up!!

Happy Monday..and i will pull through today 🙂

Day at a time...cmon we can do it!!!

S x

Hey girl, I know how hard it is to shake that demon loose but you must. My advice is to choose distractions that you really like whenever possible. Those will be more effective at keeping you away from the bad place than just doing things out of obligation. Also, jump into doing something else as soon as you feel the urge. Don't wait. At least, that's what works for me.