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Hi Sandra

lovely to read that you are still doing really well and are smiling!

Remain strong and committed and your smile will remain I can assure you.

Enjoy your weekend

Feb..

Hey Sandra,

thanks for your message on my diary, this being happy seems to be infectious!! Let's give ourselves a big pat on the back, keep up the great work and have a super weekend, hope not too much work for you!

Phil

Hey Sandra - well done so far and thank you for the post on my thread - exactly what was needed - thank you x

Thanx Phil and needtomoveon,

Day 34. Not sure how i feel....don't like birthdays...

Well i suppose get my head out of sand and prepare for ppl coming round. At least i KNOW i'm not gonna b on computer spinning reels all night! So many positives in my life and i'm really working on them, to see them in daylight.

So LET'S DO IT;-)

Take care all and wish you to stay strong and keep striding forwards. Sometimes it's not that bad as it might look.

Sensible and braver Sandra

Wishing you a very Happy Birthday Sandra. Hope you enjoy it.

Take care and keep strong.

Feb.

Happy Birthday Sandra x

Enjoy your evening with friends. You are right, it a much healthier way to be living!

take care

Irene

x

Happy Birthday hopr you have had a lovely evening

L x

Thanx guys, it's been quiet but did me.Don't feel like going out yet. It's hard to pretend what i'm really go through. But it's ok im still standing.

Take care all. Roll on day 35...

Keep strong guys:-)

you kept that one very quiet, didn't realise it was yours!!! happy birthday for yesterday and stay strong, you can be very proud.

sending cyber birthday bumps!!

Phil

Thanx Phil,

Well day 35! Great i'm moving forward. Light headache but managable:-)Last night turned out to be quite relaxing. I wish i was closer to my sister and i'm really pleased evening went without slightest argument.Family - the biggest fortune we could have. To see my little nephew enjoying himself and having a laugh makes me so happy. There are so many things i bluntly turned blind eye to over the year. I start seeing what i have missed and sure i will make change from now on.

To the brighter future!

Take care all and keep striding forwards

Sandra x

Hey Sandra

Glad the celebrations were enjoyable.

5 weeks gamble free- another massive reason for celebration 🙂

The recognition that we missed so much "life" whilst gambling was for me hard to accept and something I now enjoy and appreciate also!

Irene

x

Thank you Irene, good to know you keeping well:-)

Day 36.

Loads of thinking recently. In a past month i did so much, first i admited i have a gambling problem and asked for help. Reality hit me very quickly and i got in depressed state. Secondly i have started counselling, and that hit me with full force too, looking back at my past and realising how everything falls into places. 15 long years of keeping things to myself, running away, looking for things to do to take my mind of problems. Gambling one of them - secure and relaxing place to be, even winning money sometimes. Got it all very wrong, that secure place turned into horrible and devastating, eating me inside out place.Got deeper in depression, guilt and self hater. Making all the wrong decisions possible.

And finally i find myself too tired of it all, stopping and turning back to face reality. Accepting the helping hand which leads me on the right track. Yes, find myself like that little lost girl 15 years ago, just a lot stronger now and determind to put my puzzle of my life together and for good. It can be done and help and support is here. Rollercoaster ride so far full of ups and downs. I went too far to run away agin. This time i stopped for good, and only move on when i feel free, happy and proud of myself ready to take life at its best, because i am not diferent from others, i deserve to be happy and enjoy myself to the max.

Oh God, i really wanted to take this off my chest. I'm glad for this opportunity and hopefully i will understand myself better looking back on my diary some time later.

Sorry for the long and boring story guys if you read this.

Wish you all to stay strong and best of luck in what you do.

Sandra x

Not long and boring at all, hope you had a good birthday weekend and enjoy your week off (think is this week). Keep up the great work, you are doing very very well!!

Phil

x

Thanx Phil, hope you keeping ok,

Day 37, still not getting easier but i'm sure it's to do with few problems i'm trying to get over. At least last night at work and i can have some rest. Still a bit shaky with pay day, but have worked out a little plan to trust my card with best mate, and of course a little treat to myself wont hurt either;)

So yea, keeping strong, moving forwards, slowly but sure.

Take care all, keep moving forwards

Sandra

Well early morning of day 38. Looks lovely and calm night, hopefully brings lots of sun tomorrow 🙂 ( not if it affects me sleeping half a day haha) Anyway, busy tonight and feel absolutely knackered. Few more hours to rack up...really devastating shift sometimes. No wonder it's called grave yard shift, i'm sure i look like a zomby myself haha. At least no need to think of addiction, and listen to me - it's already on my mind!

Wish i could wake up of this nightmare and start it all again, but not to be i'm afraid.. you live and learn and i'm SURE LEARNED my lesson. Never again

Better go and do something useful, surely something interesting going on there to keep me occupied 🙂

Take care, keep strong and carry on!

Sandra( still going.....:-)