Get busy living... Or get busy dying..

Blondie,

Welcome to the site and well done on your current progress. My recovery diary has been the single best tool for me regarding tackling my gambling issues. Be as active on your diary as possible and stay active on others. Steal as much info and good advice as possible and use it to your benefit.

I wish you well.

Tomso.

Hi Blondie

What an amazing post straight from the heart it touched me so much , when we gambled it took so much from us one been our belief and self confidence replaced with self hatred , now u av stopped and the belief confidence but most importantly the real u is returning and now rightly so u now deserve that time to put urself first

Your gettin stronger and stronger and now putting the pieces together in ur life , this journey is a long one but ur so goin in the right direction and ur the one that's making it happen

I know u will make the right decisions moving forward and none will be harder than ones u av already made so keep believing in urself

We're all here for u

Castle2

Another one very much touched by your last post. By your strength and also by how alike we are. Different stories, circumstances and I think different ages and I'd not know you if I passed you in the street yet you could be talking about me!

I believe we are going to be a help to each other on our journeys. Very, very well done for getting through yesterday. 🙂

(Edited to add today's quote)

I found this and thought it was very apt:

“I’m not OK, you’re not OK - and that’s OK.”

William Sloane Coffin

Hi Blondie,

Just read your last post after seeing you so supportive of others on here and i have to say it touched my heart.

I do not know how you feel after loosing your dad but can relate to being this wonderwoman that everyone thinks is coping no matter what is thrown at her.

You are doing amazing on this journey and by now saying i need to be me for a while will only help in your recovery.

Keep Strong and keep going

Take Care

Lucy

Hey Blondie,

Like so many others I read your last post and went through a roller coaster of emotions! It just sounds like the most traumatic of periods! You say you don't need to be superwoman and that's very true but it does sound like you have done an amazing Job of being superwoman for the past 5 months! Even superwoman would need a rest, a time to reflect, a time to grieve herself!

What you are doing is amazing what you have done is amazing and now you are putting gambling behind you! It sounds so cliche but really things can only get better from this point!

I hope you can begin to smile again and I hope that people on this forum can help you along the way in fighting the gambling urges!

Your strength inspires me!!

Flagg

Day 16 On my rollercoaster ride.

Thank you once again for all your posts and support on my diary, i think i have posted back to you all to return that support.

I can honestly say that finding this site and starting my diary has been the single best thing i think i have done for my recovery, i find when i post on other peoples diarys who may be experiencing or feeling what i am it has a healing effect on me.

I know i am at the beginning of my recovery, but by being brave and facing my demons and the emotions that i have buried for so long I really feel that there is hope, and yesterday was my first step in that process.

I posted on someones diary a few days ago he had mentioned a quote from one of my favourite films "Shawshank redemption! so i posted the one below in my reply and it was this.....

I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.

On reflection of that quote today, thats how i feel, I have hope that i can find ME again, i have hope that i will get through this and come out the other side stronger, wiser for the mistakes i have made in my life, and with more empathy for me, after all i forgive people for there mistakes but beat myself up constantly about mine.

I know that this will take time and some tough days but im prepared for that, because I beleive im worth it.

Blondie day 16... Full of hope x

Hi Blondie,

First and foremost big congratulations on day 16. Sure there are special milestones like 30 days or one year. But every day that you or anyone else does not gamble is a milestone and a true achievement. Each day is like one more step in a thousand mile journey. Without your 16th step that journey isn't possible. So keep up the strong work.

Only we the gamblers know how difficult it is to not gamble. And some days worse than others. And then to face life's other challenges simultaneously, head on. You're right how good it feels to both give support to others in need and receive as well in our time of need. I hear you loud and clear the strength you are getting from that. It makes me very happy to hear. And as I write this in support of you I feel my own power to fight on growing.

You sound like you're doing really well and that's great. Keep doing what you're doing, and really good things will happen. Peace my friend

Hi Blondie.

It has been said by those that know these things that it takes 28 days to fully break a habit. Well, you're over half way there so many many congratulations.

Kindest Regards

Hi Blondie, thanks so much for your post on my diary. You truly are an inspirational person, and its easy to tell that you have a huge heart, that you're one of lifes carers, your kindness precedes you.

Your posts make a difference, and I would like to congratulate you on your fantastic achievement.

Keep on posting, stay strong

Cameron

Hi Blondie,

Just checked in to your story and feel a bit shameful now at my whinging over on my diary after reading what you have been dealing with and the strength you are showing.

I need to be less selfish because I am feeling sorry for me whereas you have been caring for everyone else.

Some amazing posts and I will make sure I read your progress from now on.

All the best and good to see Shawshank made it on to your page too!

Dom

Day 17.

Again thank you to everyone for your posts, and very kind words on my diary, i wouldnt be where i am now if it wasnt for you guys, so thank you x

Yesterday for me was about clearing out some of the cobwebs in my head.

I decided that its a good first step to write down how im feeling in my diary, but for me the next step was to speak to my mum and tell her how i have been feeling.

I had such a lovely heart to heart with my mum last night, i explained exactly what id put on my diary, that i was struggling, that i had been trying to play the superwomen role and once you play that role its difficult to admit that your finding it hard.

We had lots of tears and lots of hugs and it felt so good to offload the weight ive been carrying around.

I know my mum worries about me because i just got on with it i always have, stupidly enough ive always thought that if people cant see there is an issue then it doesnt exist, when secretly im being eaten alive.

I think by speaking to my mum its taken away the power of the problem and how i was making myself feel, its the hyding from it and pretending it doesnt exist that gives it power.

Yesterday i think i reclaimed some of my power back, and that feels good. 🙂

My counceller said at my first session that im very resiliant which is a good thing, but i have to be aware that it can also work against me especially if im not being open and honest with people about how im feeling.

Its funny because i have had no urges whatsover to gamble, and have not missed it one bit, im realisitc though i know that the "Pilot light is still on" and i need to be on my guard .

At the moment my recovery seems to be focused on fixing me and getting myself emotionally healthy again, and it actually feels good, and not being consumed by the feelings that gambling create I feel so much stronger to tackle them head on.

I cant remember when i ever went 17 days without gambling apart from when ive been on holiday and again, im starting to feel a sense of acheivement and a little bit of pride about that.

So my motto for today is "Onwards and upwards".

Stay stong everyone, One day at at a time x

Blondie day 17.. Onwards and upwards

Hi Blondie,

I think this one came from around the forum somewhere:

"Life is mostly froth and bubble

Two things stand like stone

Kindness in another's trouble

Courage in your own."

It's clear from your own diary and the amount of support you offer to others on theirs that you have an abundance of both kindness and courage. x

hi blondie

Good to hear that your chat went well with your mam. Your an inspiration the way you are now dealing with everything. Keep up the great work. Now get them runners on.......

Keep going girl you're doing great. Giving up gambling won't necessarily give you happiness but it'll give you the clear mind and clarity to find it, good luck and take care, Steve.

Hi Blondie,

I find real comfort and solace in your posts. Honesty, integrity and sheer strength. You are doing wonderfully well!

Sometimes I can babble but for today that's all that needs to be said.

Flagg