Get busy living... Or get busy dying..

Wow what a day. Well done for staying so strong. Fighting one addictions hard so with handling 2 your doing amazing. Thanks for your post on mine. I'm confident ill be a good boy just wanted to get it out there. Thanks again and well done for being so strong yesterday. And I hope that hand heels quickly.

blimey chuck ...feel like I need to get you on speed dial so I can whizz down the road...

And fainting too!!

I hope your alright Blondie...truthfully when you live alone its a worry if something happens...I think the reason Im not sleeping well is becasue im totally in the sticks and if anything happened no one would know.

May have to give Skippy the Bush Kangaroo a call ?

Keep safe hun...your energy is changing and yes that sounds like a right load of hippy cr** but you are adjusting to a new you...keep grounded and safe hun...take it easy..

R and D xxx

Hi Blondie,

Thanks 4 ur post on my diary. It means alot 🙂

Well done 4 resisting those urges, u go from strength 2 strength 🙂

I hope ur hand is not 2 painful and that it gets better really soon!

How is Woody? he must be much bigger now..... I am sure he keeps u busy.... bless him!

Have a gr8 nite xxxxxxxxxx

Blondie.

You had a choice and boy did you make the right one!!!

Well done you, I can see how much effort you give your recovery and the resolve it brought served you well my friend.

I hope the hand is feeling better today, or you have had someone give it the once over!!

I hope this means only one day till the weekend and another hook up with your bf, woody must be loving this weather!!

You certainly have the breed for it, our hovis moans if his paws get wet LOL, and this weather does nothing for his prancing!!!!!

Keep making the choice my friend,keep using the tools you have amassed!!!

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hmm Not sure what is wrong with me these past few days, lacking some motivation, feel like im depriving myself of things, I.e smoking, gambling, Eating. Maybe im doing to much .. Maybe i need to re-think.

I dont want to put myself under to much pressure im off to my G.A meeting later even though i feel like its a bit of a chore im going to push myself to go.

Its scaring me a bit I dont feel like im getting complacent and I dont feel like i want to gamble but something seems to have shifted and im not sure what it is.. Maybe its just a couple of THOSE days in succession that have knocked me off kilta slightly and im not really feeling 100% feel like my head is underwater (its the only way i can describe it).

Off to G.A then early night for me again I was in bed for 8.30 last night and slept like a baby.

Oh im reading a really good book I cant remember who it was but i saw someone recommend it on here a few week ago its called the chimp paradox very interesting !!

Take care everyone.

Blondie xxx

themain thing is blondie although you are struggling you are keep chipping away to get through it and im sure the good times will be back before you know it.

carl

Hi Blondie

Thank you so much for your supportive post and I can see how you support many others on here....it's people like you that makes this site work!

I read somewhere that your favourite film is Shawshank Redemption...that's mine too and i can watch it every so often and enjoy it just as much as the first time I saw it!

Sorry to hear you've had a few unsettling days...I hope things will look up for you real soon!

Your doing so well..be proud Blondie of what you have achieved!

keep strong

Forwards not back!

Jewels

hiya Hun

Not sure what to say really as we are all different..but you have gone cold turkey in one go in a very short space of time...

If your getting a feelgood then great but now the weathers changed your going to need more energy to combat the cold and keep warm so slimming in winter is something that you have to go easy on.

Was worried when I heard of you fainting ...as stopping smoking and cutting out carbs if thats what your doing can send your blood sugars crashing.. ?

Maybe your lack of motivation feelings are just tiredness hun?..

Lecture over...just concerned/aka nagging....LOL

Take it easy hun

have a good meeting....progress not perfecton ; ) xxx

R and D xxx

Hi Blondie

A real big thank u for ur support everyone has helped so much and played such a big part in me gettin back on track

For urself ur doin amazingly well there is always goin to be a few down days along the way but u av come so far and ur life has changed so much for the better there's no way now u would go back there . Even though I relapsed I always knew it was temporary the journey we are on shows us just how tough and resilient we become , we enjoy the good and learn from the bad

Thanks again

Castle2

Hey,

Really hope GA did the trick tonight. I hear many members say GA often comes at the right time for them. It maybe that they have missed a week or they just had a tough few days. Being in a room with other compulsive gamblers is actually quite calming. As much as others try, do, help, love etc etc only another gambler really knows what it's like. This is why we keep our diary isn't it? Words from those who know, encouraging those having it tough. Sometimes GA just adds that little bit extra the ultra personal touch. It's not for everyone but I hope tonight it helped you.

Sometimes we just get a bit jittery because things have been good for a while and for us that's not the norm. Did you ever have 160+ good days as a gambler? I strongly suspect not! Hopefully the spring will return tomo but if not remain sure that you are doing everything right, I truly believe you are!!

Flagg

Thank you so much everyone for your posts its people like you that make my recovery just that little bit easier. Im forever gratefull xxx

160+ days ago i made a commitment to my self that I would do "Whatever it takes" to remain gamble free. Today I still stand by that commitment I made. My G.A medicine has been taken and im back in the game and just in case I ever forget.. this is the reason why.

I Am Your Disease

I AM YOUR DISEASE

I hate meetings. I hate Higher Power. I hate anyone who has a program To all who come in contact with me, I wish you death and I wish you suffering.

Allow me to introduce myself. I am the disease of addiction. Alcoholism, drugs, Gambling, eating disorders, -- makes no difference to me.

I am cunning, baffling and powerful. That's me!!

I have killed millions, and I am pleased. I love to catch you with the element of surprise. I love pretending I am your friend and lover. I have given you comfort, have I not?

Wasn't I there when you were lonely? When you wanted to die, didn't you call me?

Wasn't I always there? I love to make you cry. Better yet, I love when I make you feel so numb that you can neither hurt or cry... you cant feel anything at all.

This is true glory. I give you instant gratification and all I ask of you is long term suffering. I've always been there for you.

When things were going right in your life, you invited me. You said you didn't deserve these good things, and I was the only one who would agree with you.

Together we were able to destroy all the good things in your life.

People don't take me seriously. They take strokes seriously, heart attacks seriously, even diabetes they take seriously.

Fools that they are, they don't know that without my help these things would not be possible.

I am such a hated disease, and yet I do not come uninvited. You choose to have me. So many have chosen me over reality, peace and serenity.

More than you hate me, I hate all of you who have a 12 step program. Your program, your meetings, your Higher Power, all weaken me and don't allow me to function in the manner I am accustomed to.

Now I must lie here quietly. You don't see me, but I am growing bigger than ever. When you only exist, I live.

When you live, I only exist. But I'm here... and until we meet again, IF we meet again I wish you continued DEATH and SUFFERING.

Just for today I wont be chosing you, I will be chosing LIFE.

Blondie xxx

Ahh bless you Blondie 🙂

I just came on here to update my diary and saw your post. I am so glad that you have stopped blaming yourself, because it sure wasn’t your fault. I had the same feelings of guilt myself about my dad because I felt I should have questioned more why he was losing so much weight and made him go to the doctors. At the end of the day, they both handled it in their own way.. maybe out of fear, who knows. But I don’t blame myself any more and I certainly don’t blame my dad. I know that your dad would be especially proud of you right now and if it took him to go for you to turn your life around, then I reckon he would be very happy that it wasn’t in vain.

Keep fighting Blondie… you have come so far and you can achieve anything you want… and your dad will be right by your side, every minute of every day for the rest of your life.. always remember - you don’t have to see him to know he is there, you don’t have to hear him to know what he is saying and you don’t have to feel him to know he is holding your hand…. xxx

And as for this disease... just one thing to say to it.. altogether now... UP YOURS!!! 😉

Have a great weekend mate xxx

Hi Blondie,

Choosing life, got a pretty good ring to it hasn't it!

Love that your back to the fighting Blondie we know and that you will NOT let this take anymore from you

Your life has so many positives and i know they will continue grow each and every day you stay bet free

Thanks for your post and i loved about drinking all your months units in a night lol lol trouble with me is i think it's prob a few months units in a night lol lol hence resulting fighting bushes now named Tyson!

Keep Strong Blondie

Lucy

xxxxx

Very strong post and very real and true post about addiction - the real definition of addiction. Horrible thing but we invite it in so we have the power to shut it out. Your doing it,I'm doing it, lets never stop doing it. Never give it any more power than it already has. Take care blondie. Your an inspiration to many on here, fighting addictions head on and winning.

hey Blondie..

I was really blown away by your post as it really showed the nature of addiction in a way others may not understand who are on the outside..

It made me think that despite being codependant ....and that itself being a lifetimes work to overcome,I have never been gripped with full on addiction as you describe in your post as all the things the disease hates ..I love and want to attain and be part of...how mad is that.

lots to think about hun and thank you for writing this post as I think I have still been unaware with just how much an addiction can grip and have power over a person...I got it ..but I didnt get it fully til i read "i am your disease"...

Truthfully?...I feel left out and a bit of a flake...BUT sod that!!!...

If this is the case,if this is the power this disease can have over a soul then the respect I have for the massive hurculean effort everyone is putting in to recovery on this site has just gone up a g/jillion..

Wow.

R and D xx....