Going to keep this thread now!

Hi Freda,

Thanks for your support, didn't sound patronising at all. Understand what you meant about Mike in chat yesterday, I thought he was serious to start with too. Chat is tricky, something u mean as a joke can be interpreted completely differently.

Also, we are often in hyper-sensitive mode, looking to take things the wrong way almost.

Mike is normally pretty cool, so I shouldn't worry about it, it was innocent humour only.

Good luck with those shifts of yours, hope the valium consumption allows you to remain vertical and coherent,

Take care,

DT.

Hi Freda,

Just wanted to say I'm rooting for you and hope things go OK today, by the time you read this you will be another day down and hopefully things will have gone 'OK', your out there and trying thats what counts.

all the best hope the weekend is a good one.....:-)

green x

Hi Freda,

Well done on getting the job!

Look after yourself Freda.....Jas xx

Thanks to everyone for all of the support.

It got too much. Im trying hard not to feel bad about myself, but its hard to admit yet again that you cant cope.

I havent gambled but told the manager its not working out for me.

I managed Thursdays induction for 6 hours, and was literally shaking on Saturday when I went to work, but I got through those 6 hours ok. Last night however, I hardly slept and just couldnt cope with going in. The anxiety was unbearable and I was in floods of tears.

I couldnt ring my new job and say that I was too anxious to come in, I was too embarassed - I know how crazy it would sound that I was cracking up after 2 days! I said that my back had seized up, and realistically I didnt think I was going to cope with all the heavy lifting (which incidently was also true, my back hadnt totally seized up but was killing after having to lift crates of wine and beer for hours)

So I havent given up, but its made me realise just how bad my low self esteem is, and how debilitating the anxiety is. Im feeling pretty embarassed and weak right now, but I'll be over the kicking myself in a few days.

I faced my fears on Saturday - I was literally shaking even after some Valium - and managed to ride it out. This part of the experience was a success. Im very proud of myself for walking in there despite feeling terrified. It was just a shame that they wanted me to come in for 6 additional hours for the induction - after 12 hours in 3 days I just couldnt cope with another 6 today.

Ive an interview for a job 8 hrs a week in 2 weeks time. Im just going to rest, recover, and try again.

i am trying hard to give up l lose my money then go back when l get paid when l lose l have no money at all need your advise how did u give up and how long has it been

Hi Freda,

Sorry it didn't work out for you as you hoped. You gave it your best and that is all you can do. As you said, it probably came a bit early for you. If it was causing you that much stress, then it would not have been sensible to carry on. You seem very aware of where you are in your recovery at the moment, which is a very good sign.

Keep on keeping on,

Take care,

DT.

Hi had a look at your posts and found a few things in common.U now sometimes I would meet people that I know and yes they would be going forward and I'm stuck in the same gear.No cash :))) It even feels that they know that I'm skint.So sad... Maybe they knew...

Been doing ok so far,u 2 as I can see... Still thinking about betting a lot tho... Take care and will keep in touch with u...

Hi Freda,

Thanks for the posts...:-) like you say it's nice to have special moments that make you smile.

Sorry to here about the job, try not to dwell on it if you can, like we said your trying and thats what counts, sometimes all we can do is continue the fight and take things as they are, maybe the 8 hour job will be a little better if you, but for now like you say a little bit of rest and relaxation should do the trick.

spk soon.

green x

Hi Freda (K)

Thanks for your posts on my diary, sorry i have not posted on yours for a while. I am going to read back and see how things are going for you, i am now on 10 weeks now without a gamble and you must have passed that now, so well done to you......

Thanks again freda and take care, andrew xx

Thanks for the lovely post on my diary.

Hun, anxiety is a real bummer.Even an old feller like me gets it from time to time. Out comes the vallium ( mind you they are rather nice ). Be good to yourself today, thinking about you.

Hi again Freda (K)

Just wanted to say well done on your 11 weeks and to thank you for all your support you have given me.

You and DT have been there for me in my darkest days and im so very grateful, i know my advice is very watery but i do genuinely care.

Take care Freda and maybe your win the next game of chess lol. andrew xx

I am really enthused and proud of myself, by how fast Ive bounced back. Its encouraging.

been writing down a few of my irrational fears today, and trying to replace them with a rational thought. Looking forward to counselling on Thursday, as my recent attempt at returning to the world of work has highlighted how many huge fears and insecurities I have.

Pointless moping about them though, time to address them so I can move forward!

Ive been shown lots of little examples over the past couple of weeks of how ive touched peoples lives in little ways here and there. Its like the universe is trying to show me that although im extremely flawed - im good at some things, not totally useless 🙂

hey freda well done keep it up babe xx big hug hotdog xx

Freda thanks for your words on my diary it always feels so good to know you are not alone with this battle. I will be strong and I will beat this.

G

Thanks for posting on my diary. I wasn't sure about all of this online stuff but replies like yours are changing my mind. By reading your diary its clear that you have had a torrid time off it!! You have come through alot so keep your head up high and keep battling away.