Going to keep this thread now!

Hi Freda,

Thanks for your support as ever, am very pleased to hear that you are feeling better about yourself, it's a daily battle and it's nice to win a few.

If you want to buy a lottery ticket, buy one. If it triggers urges, be careful, but you know this already. If by next saturday, you have spent all your money on lottery tickets and are watching the draw sweating feverishly, probably not a good idea.

Only you can decide which path you take. Agree with SA about your 'quirky' sense of humour, it will always stand you in good stead in the future.(Patronising?)

I believe we are all special in our own way, just some of us more special(needs) than others,

Be good,

DT.

Hi Freda

Many years ago I was at an AA meeting. I was informed of a Sunday night meeting and replied "It would be too hard for me to get there". This guy, in no uncertain terms, pointed out to me the exact same thing as I said. "You would crawl there if it was free booze, so get serious about your recovery or don't bother". Needless to say I have never looked back.

Thanks for reading my diary

Take care

Steve E

Hi Freda,

Thanks for the post, I'm glad things are a little more settled for you, good luck on the lotto today, i think you will be fine having a go, yesterday i popped round my mums she had been to town and got a scratch card, it was on fire place, just like when i was a kid i said " can i scratch it off mum" i did it wasn't a winner, no surprise there, but i got no 'buzz' in fact no feeling at all, perhaps would have been different if i had hit the jackpot, but i know thats never going to happen, and in a way, thats why i think the lottery isn't gambling as such the chances of hitting the big one are so far off the 'buzz' just ain't the same.

That said if you do hit the big one, be sure to keep in touch......:-).

have a great weekend and enjoy the sunshine x

green x

Having a reasonably nice day all in all,

Talk of our wedding in May just makes my blood run cold though! lol. Its always about everyones ego isnt it? Only about the couple a tiny little bit 🙂

Do you know, if Im honest, all bitterness aside - there arent many members of my family that I actually like. Most of them wind me up!

The prospect of eloping is looking better by the day.... 😉

Hi Freda

Thanks for your posts on my diary, have anwered on mine. Families ay! they cause so much heartache, i definitely can relate to what you are saying, i have no advice tho, u knew that was coming tho lol! Shoot the lot of them... i is joking, sorry im not making fun.

This post is realy not one of my best. I hope you enjoy the weekend and the good weather. Take care Freda, ands xx

Blimey Freda giving up gambling and getting married at the same time! And I thought I had problems lol!

Georgie

x

It absolutely sucks, but last night my partner and I had to have a conversation about finances because we are really concerned about the effect it will have on my mental health if my benefit is stopped in December.

I clearly cant cope with a paid job at the moment, because Ive tried and I cant cope CONSISTENTLY. Im terrified that if I keep putting myself through trying job after job before im well enough. it will cause me to have another breakdown. Im already tearful and anxious with things that i found easy 3 weeks ago - thats how much the pressure of an unfair government is affecting me. Thats after only 2 days of work!!!

So, it looks like my partner is going to have to move out for a few months. We cant manage on his wage alone, even though when we were only getting his wage coming in, we applied for housing benefit and council tax benefit and didnt qualify! I honestly dont know how they work their figures out! I wish they would show me how to eat on £3 a week or whatever!

So if he moves out next month, I can get housing benefit and council tax benefit. He can stay with his Dad for a few months we are hoping, then at least he can save some of his wages incase my benefit does get stopped.

Isnt it a sad world? If we purposely got pregnant, we would qualify for more money! But I couldnt cope with bringing a child up, Im still too anxious and depressed. Why should we bring an innocent child into this situation? If we were horrible people, it would financially be better for us to have a child then just neglect it. I honestly think thats why so many children are abused - people are forced into a position where they cant cope financially, then have a child out of sheer panic.

I know a schizophrenic woman who did this. She knew she couldnt cope with a baby but had her benefits stopped and couldnt cope. She had the baby, got sectioned, and the baby had to go into care. The government really do disgust me. They pick on vulnerable people like the mentally ill or mentally disabled.

Anyway, living apart is the only way I know how to stay mentally 'safe'. Last time they stopped my benefits, I got so overwhelmed with anxiety that I was afraid to be alone and felt scared all the time. The only thing that stopped me from being terrified was valium, but its addictive.

Thats what Im facing! no wonder under all that pressure I started gambling :-/ (in the past, im still sober or whatever you want to call it now)

I know that post was pointlessly bleak, but I feel a lot better.

Ive written down all my worst fears, had a rant about how unfair and frustrating I have found the benefit system, and then had a good cry whilst doing the ironing! (i used to think i couldnt cope with doing anything while i was weeping, but it turns out you can! things just take a bit longer)

So, Im showered, fed and sitting with a cup of coffee. Things seem a lot better. Acceptance - ah its nice.

Going out to feed the ducks in a bit, then determined to make the best of the day 🙂

Hi Freda,

Just catching up, i here what your saying and understand life is tough at times, as for your post being pointlessly bleak, i would disagree, it's how you feel, and sometimes just to get it into words and out there is a part of recovery, 'it is for me too'. Although Lot's of us on here have similar problems they are very personal to us, if i look at it like when i discuss my problems with people i trust in life some understand and some don't, but the point being it's real to you so although 'bleak' it's never pointless to you.

Anyhow hope the start of the week has been a little better and your feeling OK.

keep strong.

green x

Hi Freda

Sorry you have been having a bad time of it, if the benefit gets stopped you will be able to appeal and claim while you wait for the result.

Also the scheme for Employmnet and Support Allowance should provide you with a scheme/provider to help you put a strtegy in place to prepare for work eventually.

Have you been intouch with anyone to check if you would qualify for working tax credit if you gohave togo on to Jobseekers Allowance and remain as a couple.

I hope you have been offered this advice but id not please get in touch with the Welfare Rights services to find out where you stand,

Sorry to waffle lol

Take care

love n hugs

W xxx

Hi Freda.. wise words from W.. find out where you stand and all the options. I think the government is looking to get the total of people on disbailty benefits down to certain levels what with an election not far away. I know several people who are being forced off disability benefits when they are not ready. Strangely when i was on incapacity benefit a few years ago thay didn't bother me at all I could of stayed on it forever an a day probably.. was I a lost cause lol

As for going back to work after having been off for sometime I know what its like. I call it tranistion anxiety. The first few days are always gonna be stressful.. don't know the people, don't know the job. thast when the principle of one day at a time really rings true. If your like me you pile loads of unnecessary pressure on yourself.

Anyway sounds like youve got tons of support and a great partner and all us mob on here of course :-).. you will find your way forward when your ready am sure. take care and keep safe.. S.A 🙂

P.s Fair comment re the lottery.. exploring boundaries etc. Trouble with me though is that it wuld not just stay at a £1 a week.

Hi Freda,

Hope you are ok, keep us (quite literally) posted.

DT.

Hi all,

Thanks as ever for the support and posts 🙂

Have been away for a few days to the lake district. Just got back, and im straight on here! sad eh?! lol.

Was gorgeous, and nice to be reminded theres a big wide world out there. The city I live in is pretty bleak to be honest, you see at least one hopelessly drunk adult by 11am most days... Cue the lake district ahh! No charvas! (or chavs depending where you are) Loads of nice chilled out people and bonny doggies. Love doggies, they cheer me up 🙂 We went out onto the lake for an hour this morning on a rowing boat. I quite enjoyed taking to the oars! Was a giggle.

W thank you for the advice re benefits. Jobseekers allowance is a possibility, but you have to be fit and able for full time work - I could just lie, and then purposely screw up any interviews I get by commenting - truthfully - about how Ive got the old panic attacks down to about 3 or 4 a week. Im not sure if I would still get it with R working? I definitely cant get income support, as its based on your income as a couple if you live together. R doesnt earn much at all, but the government expect you to live on about 90p each a week, so we dont fall under the threshold for that.

It will sort its self out. To be honest, I think we are best off in the short term living apart for a few months, as even if I could go on JSA if living alone i would qualify for housing and council tax benefit. It would give us a little security as I honestly cant work. Im not one of these people who have a mild case of the blues, and go on the sick - Ive had several complete breakdowns and genuinely struggle to cope. I would love to work! I am at a loss as to what job I could cope with at the moment though. Every job advert I read mentions 'working to tight deadlines' 'must cope well under pressure', employers are all trying to get away with getting one person to do 2 peoples jobs so they can save on their wage bill - its insane!

SA - I totally agree, the government have SO got an agenda. The daft thing is, for people like me, they are just going to force couples to live apart. The disibility benefits bill will go down, but the housing benefits bill will rocket! For people with long term mental health problems, they should be dealt with by mental health professionals who understand the barriers to employment - so they dont make people worse. I would be happy to regularly attend appointments to show that I was making progress, but it takes time. Its volunteering 2 hours a week for a month, then for 3 hours for a month and so on. If they give you space you can get there. If they back you into a corner, you go back to square one and the cycle begins again.

Blimey, what a long rant!

anyway, hope this finds anyone reading it well and safe and I will catch up on everyones diaries soon.

Take care all

Ps - did lotto £1 sat, £1 weds. Not sure yet if its ok. Might give sat a miss, as I did find myself thinking about scratchcards yesterday while putting lotto on. Its all about testing boundaries but staying safe I guess.

Hi Freda,

Pleased you had a good break. Fully understand your feelings about the benefits system, am involved myself at the moment and is a bureaucratic and logistical nightmare.

My opinion, for what it's worth, would be to go on jobseekers for an interim period, they will not make you do anything for 13 weeks, which could give you enough time to feel a whole lot better. You only have to bu***hit someone for 10 mins or so every 2 weeks. If after the 13 weeks you are still struggling, review it then.

You sound very close with your partner, I would pretend he has moved out, and take any benefits in terms of council tax etc.. you can. There are millions of people fiddling the system to their advantage. You sound as though you genuinely want to work, and will do so when u r ready and able. Just because the government has some statistics to meet and are taking people off benefit who genuinely need it is not your fault. Use the system to your advantage, they dont check anything ever, they are so disorganised it is laughable.

Don't know if i should be saying this on here, but I already have so there you go.

Good Luck,

DT.