Going to keep this thread now!

Today I am proud of not losing my temper and taking the higher ground with a stroppy, selfish, immature neighbour.

Shoot Freda!

What's going on with that stroppy neighbour? Good on ya for keeping your cool tho ☺
Am proud of you as i would be dragging the person on the floor with my new found ninja skills lol..aha....learning some personal safety might contra atack sometimes heh

Listen...thank you for your post! You know what you're talking about and i seem to miss many points in my feelings. The main thing is...i am still carrying on..+ icing on the cake - i have a smile on this mug!

Just for today - keep on keeping on...enjoy your new freedom and home, take your surroundings in! (I still hug my home walls for good morning & goodnight!...well..goodnight is only cause i need to reach for something to get me safely to bed as last night lol)..You're doing great! New beginning..new start and all that 😉

Now....let's see how much of a robot i have become lol..eyesight is a lil weakest point these days 😀

Hugs

S x

Thanks S, glad if I can add anything helpful.

Neighbour thing seems to have calmed down and they are leaving the door closed and locked. I left out a box of o reos with a post it saying "thank you for locking the door, I really appreciate it" and that seems to have healed some things. They are going straight on my gratitude list because, for their age, they are actually really great neighbours! I haven't been disturbed by noise yet and am home most of the time. Lots to be grateful for.

1) I'm grateful I have not really been too triggered by the DWP pishing me about. I had bother with them for years. They want to virtually see your trash can. You have to jump through hoops and send loads of evidence in and it takes them ages to make a decision. They have pished me about for almost 3 months now but I'm holding up.

2) I'm grateful for a new technique I recently learned. It is supposed to help your body to release stored trauma. Early days but I think it might be helping!

3) I'm grateful I am feeling less socially anxious. I went out last night and ended up sitting on my own because there was noone there I knew. I felt pretty awkward but didn't let it make me more than slightly anxious.

4) I'm grateful that it seems like I can let anger go much quicker oftentimes. I was a bit angry and alienated with a friend who was pretty rude last night but I managed to let it go and not get too upset.

5) I'm grateful for the lovely guy who runs the venue, who last night sat and chatted to me for a while so I didn't feel so awkward. It was really kind of him 🙂

6) I'm grateful to be getting out to practice running. I'm trying to build up stamina and cardio fitness and it is going well.

7) I'm grateful I got all of my deposit back from my old landlords. They were really terrible and I didn't really trust them, so it was a lovely surprise to get it all back.

8) I'm grateful I've had more energy lately. It has made getting on with things much easier.

9) I'm grateful for the blue sky and sunshine today. It was a lovely day to exercise in the park.

10) I'm grateful for higher temperatures this week. I was spending a LOT of money on heating!

More things starting to fall into place for me but don't seem to be in the headspace to feel genuine appreciation for them. My new, more expensive flat was accepted for housing benefit and I don't have to pay as much out of my own pocket as I thought I did. Also, the DWP have finally run out of excuses to stall me, I think, so I should be getting some ESA soon. Only £186 per month but it all helps. Should stop my savings from dwindling and buy me some more time to heal. Time for another gratitude list, I think.

1) I'm grateful that my housing benefit has been sorted out and I'm actually entitled to £5 a month more than I thought.

2) I'm grateful I've been able to do a bit more, socially, without anxiety getting in the way.

3) I'm grateful to be coping back at work one day a week.

4) I'm grateful to notice I'm slightly less sensitive than I used to be. The level of excessive sensitivity has gone down a bit.

5) I've had more energy over the past few weeks than usual. I'm really grateful for that.

6) I had a lovely experience of deep relaxation in a gong bath this week. It was lovely, like being a bit ston ed. haha!

7) I noticed less tension within me when I was at work this week. It was a positive sign.

8) I am extremely grateful for my dishwasher - praise the lord!

9) It has been warmer and sunnier. This has felt good.

10) I have unpaked most of my boxes and feel more settled in my new home.

1) I'm grateful for the good laugh I had in art class on Tuesday. It was fun.

2) I'm grateful my neighbours almost always close the back door now. What else is possible?

3) I'm grateful my ex husband is coming to visit next week. I miss him.

4) I'm grateful for a lazy morning with the cat dozing on my lap.

5) I'm grateful for the vouchers I got in the post after complaining about the quality of some vegan milk. They gave me £10 to spend.

6) I'm grateful to be coping with working 1 day a week. It is perfect for the time being.

7) I'm grateful I got to watch a film for free at the Uni yesterday and met some new people. I felt little anxiety.

8) I'm grateful I was able to settle my anger yesterday so I could watch a film and then go to the supermarket afterwards. Often this is not possible if I've gotten really annoyed by something, it often makes me very anxious.

9) I'm grateful I'm not feeling as vulnerable these days. I seem to be coping with problems more resiliently.

10) I'm grateful my friend is buying a house in this city. It was looking like she and her partner might move away. She is a good support to me.

My ex-husband is in the area, visiting for a week. It is lovely to see him but yesterday, I was struck by the physically tangible feeling of pulling energy. I was trying to pull energy, or more specifically, love from him, toward me.

It was exhausting! It felt really sad. We still care deeply about one another. We are family. He really doesn't show much affection or emotion, though. It's inside him, it really is there, it does not come out in a way that can be felt, though. He is really disconnected from everyone but animals. His warmth and affection, tenderness and full attention is there. I can relate to how animals feel safer to connect with. It just struck me that I must have been feeling this way so much of the time, when we were together. Really sad to notice and accept that it did not feel good.

He has a partner but he has no problem with hugging me. He doesn't feel it is conflicting at all, when we were back at mine and he was giving me a cuddle while watching youtube, it felt really lovely. I miss loving, safe, cuddles like that. I had to prompt him, though. He rarely spontaneously shows affection to anyone. Really sad.

1) I am so happy and grateful to be able to say I've achieved my first jogging goal today! I was really unfit and was not even able to do week 1 of couch to 5k when I started. I can now do it!

2) I'm grateful for a nice evening last night at a poetry discussion group. I'm not really into poetry in a big way but it is nice company and a cheap night out.

3) I'm grateful to have been encouraged by some new friends to come out tonight. I'm just going to go for an hour because socialising is still hard for me, at times. It feels great to be included.

4) I'm grateful I was able to go and give some love to some rescue animals yesterday. What a gift to be able to make a real difference to other beings, just with love.

5) I'm grateful for feeling better, in general lately.

6) I'm grateful for the money my ex husband still gives me to help me make ends meet. He has really been loyal and supportive to me, in this way.

7) I'm grateful for central heating. It is really very cold today!!!

8) I'm grateful for a good night's sleep last night.

9) I'm grateful for the food in my cupboard.

10) I'm grateful for the state support I receive, to help me manage financially, while I live with a debilitating disability.

I need to offload my anger and have a rant!!!

I have been going out with this lovely guy for a month and he showered me with affection, offered me a spare key for his house after two weeks and acted like he was besotted with me. I did not need this but it felt nice and I believed him.

He has cut a lot of this out and I thought he had gone off me. No, it was just insincere! I AM SO f*****g ANGRY!!!! WHAT YOU SAY TO PEOPLE AND WHAT YOU MAKE THEM THINK, MATTERS!!!! It was quite fast and full on for me, the point being though, I believed him and therefore thought it was safe to start becoming attached to him. f*****g LIAR!!!!! I find it really cruel when people love bomb you just to get what they want. Just to get you hooked.

Playing with people's feelings like this angers me right to the pit of my stomach. I find it really hard and scary to trust someone, so when I do then find out it was all bull it really disgusts me. I feel a bit like throwing up. It's really f*****g disgusting.

Yes, I'm aware what I just said - 4 weeks, it's not long. I know. I just believed him that it was going that way. I really did. I'm really angry with him for being insincere. I let him inside my heart and it was under false pretences. To be honest, I was starting to have reservations about him, anyway. It is not a feeling of loss that has got me so upset, just the insincerity. It is really f*****g ugly. GROTESQUE!!!!

Hi Hun....& breatheeeee...

Read your post late last night and wasn't in a good form to post put had to come along today with a little support.

Found your post familiar to my own personal life. ..just other way round!
Gave keys to a bloke after one day, jumped into bed a week later (if you knew me you would get concerned about my behaviour) and lost my head to god knows what so quickly. It might be that i didn't have such company/ attention/ care for a long time but i still find it difficult to let someone in my life.

I went away to have a good think about it all. Am i playing his feelings? I know we came from completely different worlds and dived in head first into unknown. I sobered up a little as time passed...he, however seems to get deeper by the day.

We are human beings...we need care, affection, kind words and love. It's natural. ..we also get tangled up in our feelings...maybe everything went too quick for you and your fella? Maybe it was something you both needed at the time? Maybe he is scared of his feelings?

To get things straight you need to talk it all through. That's the plan for me also as i am confused big deal because i don't feel what i would like to feel towards him...& it hurts because i make him feel like I'm pushing him away recently :-(.

Just wanted to say..keep holding on! It may be not as bad as it looks from your window if that makes sense. You're lovely lady, you deserve good soul mate by your side..you will find him sooner or later ☺

Actually...They come along unexpected huh...life 😉

It seems a lot of heartaches going on around recently..cannot pin point it but quite few people around me going through life changing situations and digging deep in their own feelings. What can i say....sometimes it hurts but there is a saying: " there is a solution out of every situation"...& usually the solution is better for us than we originally thought or feared.

Thoughts are with you!

Ps... have you thought about a pet? They listen, love and stay commited till the very end of their being..i find them ever so calming and soothing when life gets tough ☺...& never ending joy when things are picking up!!

Hugs

S x

Thanks S x x

If I'm honest, I loved being on the side where he was more into me than I was into him. Simply because it was safe. I couldn't get hurt while he was showering me with affection - and there's been a lack of that my whole life, so it's addictive to me. Affection, praise, love.

I don't know if I've scared him off now. I thought I loved him, I think I do, but being brutally honest, more than most people can be, I'm scared I'm not in control anymore. Not that I want to be controll-ING just have more control and safety for my heart. I've been doing so well lately, anxiety levels have been very low almost all the time but I've been completely in bits the past two days. My whole body hurts and I feel so fragile and upset. I've discovered that although he is able to show a lot of love and affection, he is also very stubborn.

He says he was being genuine and I believe him - but because of the intense way he was showering me with attention and affection I really thought he was further along than he is. I thought it was safe to open my heart and be vulnerable.

I just feel terrible! 🙁 I managed to still go for my driving lesson today. I felt so nervous and cra P at everything. It has really affected me a lot. I'm glad I'm learning to drive. I have to learn to stick at things that are hard. It feels good to be learning something and improving, slowly. Next one is on Tuesday.

I am so full of fear. I hate that I am. It's paralysing sometimes.

I'm just so grief-stricken! This can't be all about him. It's just that ripped-apart broken part inside of me. It's scared and angry.

I asked if we could still be friends and he said he'd love to. I asked a few hours later if he'd consider getting back together and taking it slowly and he said he's not sure. He likes me so much less than I thought he did. I feel like the ground has gone from beneath me.

It just helps to write stuff on here. Even if I'm just rambling.

Hi freda :)).

It's probably not my place to comment but I hope you don't mind

In my fifty odd years of experience we enter into relationships alway's hoping that this it , this is the real thing and that initial spark is more often than not quite intense but I think one of you alway's know pretty quickly how the future between you is going to pan out and what started out as intense can just as easily fizzle out .

My thought's are that maybe you need to flip it slightly in that although you feel upset that the relationship is not what you thought , would you feel better or worse if this had gone six months or a year with yourself feeling secure and cosy only for it then to fall apart, so don't be angry be thankfull ? .

I'm no relationship councillor that's for sure but take some positives from this in that A. You tried to form a new relationship , B . You wern't afraid to open up to this person , and C , You learn something from the experience and without that experience we never learn anything ?.

I think from your post's it's not you that's mixed up and maybe that lies soley with him , He took from the experience what he wanted and needed and you need to feel the same way and nothing more .

As much as we all need love , slowley and cautiously need to be the key but as the old saying goes " It's better to have ;loved and lost , than never loved at all " . .

Look aftrer yourself and thinking of you xx

Thanks Alan. That's the loveliest post ever. Kindness is just balm to me today.

Thanks for taking the time to write that to me.

I started out from such an un-needy place and became needy as I always do when people shower me with affection. I find it addictive. I really wish I hadn't been reeled in so much so quickly.

If I'm honest, deep deep down, we maybe aren't the one for each other. There are niggles I have noticed, things about him I'm not mad about. To my shame I want him back primarily to feed the addicted feeling I had rather than a genuine fear of losing him. I'm craving his affection and attention rather than him. I guess that says a lot. Maybe unfair of me to try and hook him back in, if that's the case - but he made me addicted to him. He really was very over-the-top at first, by anyone's standards.

You are right in what you said about being together longer, only to part. I suppose deep down I know that in this instance, it would probably be easier that way as the addiction would have a chance to wane a bit and we'd both just gently realise we weren't meant for each other. I don't know...maybe we both need a friend who we can also be intimate with occasionally - until we are both ready to love without fear. He has been very hurt, too.

:)) xx.

To have a friend who we can be intimate with ? Surely that's what a good relationship is ? but then again I've never had a friend with benefit's as it's called these day's but I'm not sure how I'd feel about that , I'm sure at some point one of you would want more from the relationnship and I would imagine it would be heartbreaking if the other party didn't ?

" To Love without fear " now that's an interesting concept and maybe as an addict I've never actually loved with out fear ? . Fear of losing and fear of the emotional turmoil that every ended relationship brings , Is that different I wonder with someone who doesn't have addictive tendencies , do they fear nothing about being in love or just enjoy it for all it's beauty ? . My lord ! Now youv'e got me thinking Freda , LOL ! .

That last post was nice as it showed that your now questioning yourself " Was it good , was it right " ? and to me if your asking those question's then you kinda know the answer already ? .

Look after you Freda and I'm sure that you'll know when it's right because It's as good as it get's :))

Much love and hug's xx

The clouds of fear and anger have cleared and I've realised that although I did have a valid point in there somewhere and a genuinely scary trigger to fear of abandonment - I've basically been a massive a rs e hole 🙁

I looked back at our text convo this morning and realised he'd been really trying. Looked back tonight and realised what I "saw" wasn't even there. Fear just creates a massive optical illusion, it really does. Poor bloke really happy and falling for me very cautiously, but basically treating me impeccably. I just go crackers with him.